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Forever Alone......................

I am so ALONE I;m sick and tired of it. I feel like i don;t have no friends ( which to me I do not ) I am fat and ugly. I feel extremely uncommfortable in my own skin and cant fit in anywhere. My own family is beautiful and thin. I am the hideous duckling in a family of swans. I hate myself I hate living inside of me. I literally do not know where to go from here. I just want to find my place somewhere I can just be me without inhibition But i am afraid I;ll never find anywhere like that in the real world..
Anto815 Anto815 46-50, F 43 Responses Sep 18, 2011

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talk to me girl

Message me so we can talk okay?

have to add me then

did U ??????

I relate, but know too if others don't accept us as we are they can go to you know where lol..

Thanks....

alone in a crowd is also me
looking far and wide i am yet to see
another like me
this is the truth that be
I am sorrowed to hear your life is the same
players of this same sad game
we are not alone in being alone
so listen for the sound of a similar grown
I might just be there in the crowd
letting my torture slip out aloud
if you hear me and see me there
please do not stare
just come say hello and change my truth
there is room for others in this loneliness booth
we can share the lonely
and if only
for a fleeting moment we will not be alone
in being together we can atone
for all we have lost
and share the cost of this sad life
full of strife
for we are not alone in being alone
even when it cuts us to the bone

Wow....Beautiful thanks for sharing......

Dear Anto815......
Hi my name is Al.....or 'SARGE" to others....To answer your question...Is Nudity a sin...NO..its not....!!! your body is a gift from God....its the only one your going to get....Ha ha...

I think you need to get out and have fun...!!I I google nudist resorts and clothing optional resorts as well.. in New york..several popped up with in driving distance..from Amity NY...so get out and shed the clothes and bare all...you will feel like a kid again..I garooonteeeee it..!!! and you will meet people from all over with all types of bodies...and make new friends just like that...with people who are very open...and fun...and nudist dont care what you look like...we are accepting of all people.... swans and ducks...alike....read my stories of my first times....nude....yes lonieness is tirering...but your old enough to know, having friends is like having a garden......lots of hard work and nurturing...before you get any rewards....and yes you get a few weeds now and then........personaly I' m like a radish....plentiful and taisty...ha ha...

your bud Al...AKA...... "SARGE"

Thanks so much I would like to hear from you again so if you would message me maybe we can talk Antonia

If you want a friend to talk to, you can always PM me... I make a great listener and I'm also looking for friends...

Hey I would like that message me so we can talk looking forward to hearing from you..Antonia

You are being too hard on yourself, God made us all special and everything He made was good, that includes you and I. Always remember the world is abetter place with you in it. So please give yourself a break and enjoy yourself.

Thanks so much for all that you said it really means so much to me....

Anto. We are all not perfect. We have many imperfections in ourselves and no one should be considered to be superior to another. We may be different but we are all the same in someways.

Thanks so very much....

You are a lovely lady everyone is different. I would love to be your friend and If you ever get to Florida I would love to take you out to dinner.

Thanks so much I would love to be your friend also I am going to try to add u in my circlle message me annd friennd me so we can start talking ssorry for all the mistakes my lap top is being an *** today well hope to hear from u soon.

I tried but I cannt so please do it on your end thanks ....

Look with ur own eyes and think u r the most beautiful and happiest lay in world, i do facial at home and live in london, i can do facial for u to make u happy

I would love that but we live far away from eachother I live in Amtiville New York thanks anyway maybe we can talk message me

based on your profile pic, your not ugly and fat imo. I think you look good for 46 (: Honestly though, I hope you find that beauty others see when they meet you. Sometimes I feel like I dont fit in. Im really awkardly tall and hate being taller than most men/women. (5-11)
we dont have the power to change our features, thats all decided by genetics. Remember that! And having a beautiful spririt is REALLY what matters. Most people dont care what you look like because your personality is what matters!

Thank's maybe we can talk sometime so message me I will add u in my circle ..hope to hear from you soon

It doesn't matter what you look like its how you feel. You need to start thinking differently. I know what it is like to be in that dark, empty, lonely place and I also know what it takes to get out. Everyday I woke up it was like I had a ten pound weight on my head. There was a few years where I would be in bed 15 hours a day. I get it! I was so consumed with how I looked and what people thought of me. The most important decision I ever made(the one that changed my life) was to not care about what anyone thought anymore except me. I decided what kind of person I wanted to be and I most certainly didn't want to be a victim anymore. I wanted to be a good person and nothing was going to stop me. Fight for yourself! Surround yourself with good people. Message me if I can help

That is very sad to hear someone say that about themselves, is it reality or are you being really hard on yourself, If it is what you truly believe then you are probably wrong, most people have someone who cares about them, even if they don't always show it..

Awww I'm sorry you feel the way you do, I also know how it feels when you don't think you fit it, or that people reject you, it hurts and we hurt in silence in many ways because were afraid to reach out to others but I am thankful in that you do reach out to those of on here who understand how your heart aches, a deep dark pain, an isolating numbing pain where as you think you have no friends, but I just want you to know I am your friend and that I love you just the way you are, and I want you to know that Jesus loves you for who you are too, so you are never alone...please add me as your friend and feel free to message me whenever you need a friend too talk with, also this message is for any one else who needs a friend I will be there for you sincerely John

John thanks so much for this It really touched my heart in a way like no other I will add u as a friend right now hope to hear from u soon I look forward to getting to know you Hope u have a wonderful day Hugs Antonia

do not think bad of u. we should each other happy here. i love all people. add me AS YOUR FRIEND

thanks for replying that is the beauty in u

Thanks so very much Look forward to getting to know you..Hugs Antonia

You ever heard of inner beauty. Don't judge yourself on the outside my dear.

Thanks so much It means so much to me I hope we can be friends..Antonia

Anto I would be glad if we could be friends if you want you can message me

Thanks so much that really means so much I would like that very much so if u can friend me and message me it would mean so much. I have so many thing to talk about and knowing that we can become friends is such a good feeling so thanks again hope to hear from you..take care

You have to accept me in your circle first I'm glad I can help ill be on soon

okay I will do that now..

Please write to me. Don't be afraid, anto. We can have a budding friendship. I'm a good man, wanting a caring, loving submissive one, to be with, help, and Love. DominantDon

Thanks so much I wold really like that so please friend me and message me so we can begin our friendship I look foward to meting u .....

Anto815...are you aware he wants you to be submissive?

I know I am so confused what should I do can u message me please sobs...

Thank you for BA on strange places to wake up in :-) xx

No problem...I enjoyed it....

I just logged back onto EP and saw your e-mail. I can relate and hope things are better for you now. From the looks of your picture, you are NOT fat or ugly. We all are our own worst critics, and finding people to accept us as us is not easy.

hey I have not been on here in a while I have been feeling depressed I have been sick my life sucks I wish I was dead if u get a chance message me or email me thanks

Youvve got so many replies here Anton, ur time is going to be filled with chatting to people.

Thanks my good friend I just got my power back. It has been out for 4 days due to the storm so now I can enjoy chatting with people Hopefully one of those friends are you..

Ur in my circle. Did Sandy give you a good thrashing?

hi, this is jim..plz connect with me..i am carpenterjim65 on yahoo if you will go there plz

Dear Jim, I will email you tomorrow Thanks for caring......My name is Antonia

i would love to enjoy a convo and just have a wonderful time...whether or not it goes anywhere.. thanks, jim xoxo

I just would like a friend who i can talk with it really does not have to go anywhere right at this moment as long as i have someone to talk with i think that might help me some I hope u have a great night what ever it may be u are doing..Just have fun..

I hope u will be on later to talk w me... I think we could go far together

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You sure don't look either fat or ugly sweetie.

Thanks I wrote this post a while ago and to be honest I still feel the same way. It means so much to me that someone feels that way..Please message me so we can talk..I would like that very much..

Sorry that I am not on here very often, I would love to talk with you. I will click you for sure if I see you are on when I am. What part of the country do you live?

I live on Long Island New York right now it is 740pm what about u? It really would be nice to have a friend who i can turn to i hope we can make arragements just message me so i know..Thanks.

Hello, I've tried several times to reach you and ep says you don't accept mail from people in your circle. I'm no stranger to pain and rejection and would like to correspond with you.

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lets chat plz 765-346-0507

Where are u from? I would love to chat with u Does it really show that much? Just tell me somethings about yourself and message me. First start with your name....My name is Antonia

plz call me. i would like to develop a wonderful relationship with you.. thanks, jim

I will be on for a bit tonight so look for me on chat so we can start talking with eachother..

i am on sweetie, am on yahoo if you can if not u can call or we can swap messages . thanks, jim

so wish u was on i would let this go anywhere u desire...anywhere

Antonia is a lovely name and it suits you; we all have times of feeling unloved and undesirable. Please know your not alone and are adorable.

I think I will do just that I will give u mine too just give me a bit i would love to chat u seem like such a nice person that i would love to want to know..Message me right now....hope to talk to u soon..

That is one thing I know I can trust in u....Looking forward to it soon i promise...

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Hopefully some one here is some one who will enable you to feel what you should feel. If I offered to let you do anything you want would that help enough? Anything.

I would like to give you a try you seem like the kind of person I am looking for Please message me and if u see me on chat I would love to chat with u that way too which is better for you. Hope it will be soon Antonia

You are not the duckling. What can i do to help you feel the respect you want to feel?

Being content is the key to everything. The steps are simple:<br />
1. Let go of care/anxiety/worry<br />
2. Let God your troubles<br />
3. Be Thankful

Thank you for your kind comment. I wrote that post a while ago it is nice to know that it is still available for people to read. Thank you once again..

Please consider not beating yourself up about the weight issue, having injuries and pain prevents one from being active enough to change the course.

Okay I have learned through the months..This story is an older story and I cant believe my friends are still reading it and it means so much to me..

I have read a couple of comments you have made to others who are suffering, and I can tell that you are a very beautiful person. Please feel free to message me anytime.

Really I would like that very much could we be friends? Message me...Thanks for reading...

I would be proud to be your friend

Thank you I would like to be friends with you..

It's not so much fitting in but it is doing what is right in spite of which direction everyone else is going.. They can be rowing against the current but you can just float down the river of life. It may seem that you are rowing hard against the current though. <br />
* There may be some alternative approach to your illness The dr.'s don't want you to know or use anything besides drugs.. some are natural things like berries and fruit..

Thanks for reading...Thanks for all your import it means so much,,, Thanks again If you know of a web site about taking herbs and not drugs it will be so helpful to me Message me please, Thanks I look a little while later

do a search : natural-treatment-guide.com You will see a lot of information under that ..will tlk with you later on my way to bed.. about 7 or so ??/ 8 maybe bye huugs

knowthecause.com Dr. Doug Kaufman.. ?? he is on TV.

Thank you right after I eat I will check it out once I do I will let u know what I think? Sleep tight my friend..Antonia

thanx Antonia... just wanting to help.

I am looking him up as we speak.....so please message me so we may talk..

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You sound depressed. I think you need to see a therapist! I see you have plenty of friends on this site! Some of them have given you good advise! I myself don't fit in anywhere!

I do have one thank you very much and yes I do have friends on this site that care so much for me.Please don't say that you seem like a nice person.Just reading will help yolu understand my life.

at least you have a husband that is more than some people have trust me even if he is<br />
mean to you

I know I have a husband but if you only knew what our marriage is like I think you would feel different..

After reading your story i just thought of this words from bruno mars for you. "When I see your face<br />
There's not a thing that I would change<br />
'Cause you're amazing Just the way you are" <br />
You are perfect the way you are don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You perfect how you are antonia just believe it.

Thank you that was just beautiful it was just what i needed to hear. Thanks again

You will always suffer as long as you do believe you are fat, ugly and without friends. One insight, is nobody is completely with others. You live out your life inside you virtual space and the program runs on your brain.<br />
The way to escape is to forget what you believe you have not. It begins in walking as if you had something to give, even if it is a kind word when needed. In this way you begin the path to your own personal freedom. Desire is a blade that has dark and light. You desire and suffer. Just change your virtual space a bit. It is true suffering when your body is sick and every step pain. If you want to get healthy, there is nothing stopping you from weight loss and so on. But, undestand, that will not be your answer to avoid desire and suffering.<br />
<br />
I mean this as one who lives alone, has a cat and nobody calls me or writes. This year I lost some people who were friends. This is what we call existenial reality, and we all need to move beyond that.<br />
Its not easy. I wish you luck and clear skies.

Thanks for taking the time in reading and for the advice it really means a lot to me. I guess i just needed to hear it. Thanks again..

When you can put on the most upbeat music you can find…… and let your body just dance… dance….dance.<br />
<br />
PEACE and LOVE!

Thanks so very much Boy did that cheer me up. Thanks again..

Not so fat or ugly to me! I'm pleasantly surprised! do not put yourself down! It's really a mistake! you had me convinced that youre really fat and ugly! WELL YOURE NOT!!!! love Barry

Dear Barry, sorry it has taken so long to get back toyou i was in the hospital for over a week just got home today message me later so we can talk? Antonia

I will and let you know what i think message me anytine.Thanks again

You know, they say and I believe them, that the greatest treasure a man can have in his life are his friends. If you feel like you don't have any, you should make new friends as soon as possible! Try not to think about the setbacks you had in your past, but try and make a positive change in the present. You will find the solace that you seek in your friends. You just need to be open to the experience. I wish you well and I cheer for you :)

Thanks for reading and for the advice.....I wish I could make friends but the only friends i have is the friends on this site because i have a broken hip and 4 broken ribs so i cant go out anywhere. If we are not friends will you be my friend so i can explain more please feel free to message me.........

We are already friends :) Take care

I see ya have plenty of friends here, Antonia. That's awesome! Friendship is a plus in any situation. Keep them close to ya and you'll forget about the negativity around ya. Stop beating yourself up, there's nothing ugly about ya! Hugzzz my friend!

Thanks what you said really made me feel better.

Atta girl, that's the spirit!
You're so welcome girlfriend.....Keep them spirits up! Hugzzzz

sweetheart I just found your story and it broke me into to hear u talk like this.:) God has given u life for a reason and the for the most part your hear THANK GOD YOUR HERE and that's all that matter your not here to please NO-ONE and u don't have to fit in just BE YOURSELF and everything else will fall into place I wish I could be your heart and soul through all of this with u...:( but u have to do it on your own BUT IF U NEED MY HELP OR FULL SUPPORT U GOT THAT please don't feel left out of the world SOMEONE here has enough love for you to help u get through it but if u can't do it on your own then I will be willing to help u make some changes with u as a friend who's in my circle of friends need help i'm here for u all the way...:)<br />
<br />
GOD BLESS u always...

Thanks so much my friend I am just waiting for my daughters help hopefully this week in the mean time message me so we can still keep in touch I have written many new stories please read and let me know what u think your friend..Antonia

sorry to hear that you feel lonely and sort of lost , my thoughts are with you , please feel free to message me anytime , and good luck and thanks for posting your story , i wish you a brighter future !...............Peter

Keep your faith in God and you'll realize everything is going to be okay.

I am trying Boy...am i trying it just seems to be getting harder and harder. Do u know of any Ep groups that help people in this kind of situation if u do please let me know.? Thanks.........

My dearest friend, you ARE a beautiful person. Don't strive for beauty, when you're the definition. You're so kind-hearted and delightfully undescribable. You seem to light up everyone's day even if you're having a bad one. Even with a broken hip, even with a mean, dirty husband, you always seem to smile. That's beauty. Not starving yourself or 'forcing yourself' to loose weight. Your 'husbands' lack of compliments mean nothing love. Your amazingly terrific, so right now, as you're reading this... look yourself in the mirror and repeat over and over again "I am beautiful" because that's the cold hard truth. :)

Thanks so much for everything you are truly amazing and i am proud to call you my friend..

:) That's what friends are for, eh?

YOu will find a good place.Hope for better try to win the heart of people with your character not from your beauty i know it is very difficult everyone wants beauty but one thing you know very well beauty is not only thing to survive.Good character lives forever

I understand that beauty is not everything but..............just once i would not mind hearing Antonia you are pretty or so beautiful i never heard those words and it really hurts my own husband never says those words too me and to me that is something i should at least hear from my own husband...

you are beautiful and never believe otherwise.love yourself.