What Now ?

Hello..i don't know why i'm writing this right now..i feel stupid..i don't even know where to begin..i'll try to keep it as simple as possible. I'm a girl, 21, parents divorced when i was 6, lived with my mom since 3 years ago, developed binge eating disorder at 17, depression, anxiety problems, fell desperately in love with my best friend who "kindly" rejected me (i was 17 at the time and it took me 2 years to get over it), failed 3 times the exams to enter medicine school due to panic....This was since september, when i tried again the exams and i finally passed..i felt like that was going to be the turning point, like "ok this is my dream, everything is going to be all right now"..well..nothing could be further from the truth..everything is falling apart.. i feel so bad all the time, i don't get along with other students in my class except 2 or 3 of them, i can't get focused on studying, the eating disorder has gone really far (i gained about 25 pounds), and above all i never felt so damn lonely. I don't know how to explain it, it's like emptiness is taking over me, i feel hopeless. It's like you need something or somebody to save you so desperately, but deep down you know it will never happen. today i started crying so hard i couldn't catch my breath. i've tried my best to stay positive about the future, but it gets more difficult every time. the few friends i have don't listen to me, and i can't blame them. i don't have a boyfriend, never had one actually, and at this point i feel like nobody is ever going to fall in love with me, because i'm such a mess. you know what the funny thing is? everyone thinks i'm the strong, intelligent, beautiful girl. truth is, i'm sinking.
Letmestay Letmestay
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

Find at least one thing that you love to do and can look forward to every week. And don't give up on your dream of medical school. When you doubt yourself just remember, you got in! You got this! Ask for all the help you need from your peers/professors.