Just a Few Moments Ago.....

i just felt so crap all i wanted to do was die, but at the same time, i didnt. i dont want to die, i just didnt want to put up with it anymore, i had enough.

i stood in my kitchen and just felt anger pulsing through my veins, anger at myself, i wanted to hit something, but didnt have the energy.

im scared of myself, and now that im in the house on my own for the night, im even more scared. i dont want to die, i just want the help im getting to start working, i want the thoughts and memories to go away, but i just dont feel strong enough. i never have and dont think i ever will.

i know your thinking that as long as i dont want to die, i wouldnt do anything, i wont do anything, but if i really dont then why are the temptations so strong?

i cant handle it anymore, life is just hill, you go down, and you just go deeper and deeper and then when you try to bring it all back up, something pushes it back down. any help that i have ever got hasnt made a difference to the way i feel, and i just dont believe it ever will.

at the moment, i feel physically ill because of the thoughts, sick, headache, dizzy, just really crap, i just want to go and sleep and never wake up, then there would be no explanations........i just dont have the energy anymore, i dont want to keep on fighting a constantly losing battle........

sezy sezy
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 20, 2007

i know how you feel and im not just saying that. everyone has their ups and downs and at the moment im still in the downs but have been told that nothing can get worse than it already is. just dont give up. <br />
<br />
lifes a climb but the views great

You are both going to be just fine, just as soon as you make up your minds to not allow yourselves to feel like this. I'm serious. Try changing your mind or your thoughts, one at a time. Start with a very small one and work your way up to the bigger ones. When your mind is completely changed and you no longer have these thoughts, you'll both be much happier people and be able to enjoy life for a change.<br />
<br />
Just Try It !! What can it possibly hurt?<br />
<br />
Blessings To you.

i suffer from panic disorder and while i do take meds and am doing 'generally' ok.... i have thought many times and still do that ."i have too much life to live, i'm young, what am i going to have to live my life feeling like this for 40 more year?" the thought of that sometimes is unnacceptable,,but what can i do about that? i understand your feelings. i also would some days like to stay in bed, or crawl in a dark closet and wish the world away.......<br />
we're going to be ok.....i know it...