Heartache With No Kids

I have always wanted kids, and have been raising others people's kids since I was little, thats over 28 years now.  It breaks my heart everytime someone throws it in my face that I cant ever be a "mom" because I cant have my own kids for medical reasons.

As I get older, it hurts inside even more, but hard to let others know because they do not understand.  I see countless "real mothers" who hurt thier kids or kill thier kids everday and wonder why they are allowed to have kids and someone like me cant.  I live my life for others, have almost completed my graduate degree, am a teacher, a Girl Scout leader, a nanny, and other things, but can never be a "real mother".

I dont understand and am tired of people rubbing it in my face.  There are so many children out there that are placed in situations that are harmful, and all I want to do is take them home and love them with all my heart and soul.

I have never met anyone in my life before that fully understands how I feel.  I believe that you all do.

nannagirl nannagirl
31-35, F
6 Responses Apr 17, 2008

Don't give up.
I had a child and could not take care of.
And I did find some one like you and you are right they abuse
the child. He had some handicaps.
But he need some one like you that could be there mom.
Don't give up . There has to be some how you can have a
child. It is great all the things you are doing .

dont listen to the negativety its bad for you!-hugs

I know how you feel. Even though I'm only 26, my family and people rub it in that I'll never know because I don't have any children of my own. It hurts because I do want children and even though I don't have my own. I see how hard it is, especially when you go out into the world on your own. You come to relize how hard it would be if you had a child. They don't relize I do Know how hard it is to take care of a child and that there's no reason to point it out like I'm lost in space because it is very lonely when all your family and friends are starting their families. I'm sad because I was trying throughout many years and now they attend their childrens events and it makes me think, Why me? Why haven't I been blessed.

Thank you so much for writing that. And yes, I do know that feeling...you put into into words perfectly.

I understand exactly how you feel. I am 45 next month, the birthday I have always dreaded the most because I decided about 6 years ago that if I hadn't had my own babies by then, then it was time to acknowledge it was never going to happen. I have endo, lost a baby, lost my marriage, lost everything. A woman without children doesn't really exist in society because it is all built around family & the child. It is an indescribably lonely place to be.

Thanks that is one way to think of it. Thanks for bring a smile to my face, the first in many days.