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Jealousy Has The Best Of Me, What Can I Do??

I was diagnosed infertile when I took a fertility test 3 years ago. My specialist says its due from chemo, when I had leukemia. I have not been able to accept it, I cry myself to sleep, asking God what I did wrong why he gave me such a curse.
My sister in law has 2 children, my younger sister thinks she's pregnant, and ALL my friends are on their 2nd baby. I am so jealous that I can't stand to be around children if I do, I cry. If I hear that someone is pregnant I automatically dislike them. I don't want to be this type of person. But I'm afraid jealousy has got the best of me. I hate myself for it.
I just don't know how to cope with it, my husband and can't adopt we will never be able to afford it, as well as in vitro. I just need to learn and accept it. But I don't know if I can...
Are there any ways to help me cope??
abilene8907 abilene8907 22-25, F 4 Responses Mar 4, 2012

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Wow! I am right there with you! Our reasons for not being able to carry a baby are different but the rest is the same. I have had three miscarriages. The final one was a little over a year ago and ended with a D&C. After several months, I decided to get tests done. My husband and I had just gotten married and we wanted a baby together so badly. The week of Mothers Day we found out that there is something wrong with me. We can not adopt either or do In Vitro. We could afford a baby but not also adoption or IVF. My feelings are so much like yours. It was brought to my attention that I really need to work on this envy and anger before I destroy myself. So here I am

I'm going through the same problems with jealousy. I'm so angry at every pregnant woman I see. I'm so distant with children. As if its somehow their fault. It's so wrong. It's so horribly wrong of me. But God do I understand what you're going through, Abilene. Just breathe, we can get through it.

hey i know how you feel i found out about 6months ago i cant have children and since then both my sisters have fallen pregnant all my friends seem to be settling down and having kids and all i see is people pushing buggies around i think i notice them more now i know i cant have kids than what i did before i think the only way you will get through this is by talking to people who are goingthrough the same thing maybe try and find a support group in your area or something like that hope this helps

Hug*