4 Micarraiges, 4failed Iuis, 2 Failed Ivfs....40 Approaching

My 30s, and my marriage, have been dominated by my infertility. I met my soul mate when I was 31. We were married when I was 32. I started "trying" just after I turned 34. I got pregnant and lost the baby at 10 weeks. I got pregnant again, then lost that baby at 12 weeks. 

I stay up at night thinking of their heart beats, then the vision of the blackness on the screen, showing the "baby" had died.

I had two other miscarriages so early I never saw their heart beats.

I have been to 5 doctors, two acupuncturists, a psychic, endocrinologists, and shrinks. 

I am looking into donor egg, but no one can guarantee I won't miscarry again. I feel in perpetual limbo, perpetual loss, isolation.

Other people have kids and move on. 

I have many blessings. But I still keep the pictures of my "babies" and the books I bought them in a drawer outside my bedroom.

Good Night Moon. Where the Wild Things Are.

I don't think this heartache heals.

candice1234 candice1234
2 Responses Mar 22, 2012

Wow am sorry to hear that 😭

I am so so so sorry for your loss and the feelings and emotions that you are having to deal with. I am 30 and am now going through my 2nd miscarriage. I am not sure what is going on...I am just looking for answers. I hate the loss feeling. It is horrible. I am wishing you the best and trying to believe that everything does happen when and how its supposed to . Good luck.