4 Micarraiges, 4failed Iuis, 2 Failed Ivfs....40 ApproachingMy 30s, and my marriage, have been dominated by my infertility. I met my soul mate when I was 31. We were married when I was 32. I started "trying" just after I turned 34. I got pregnant and lost the baby at 10 weeks. I got pregnant again, then lost that baby at 12 weeks.
I stay up at night thinking of their heart beats, then the vision of the blackness on the screen, showing the "baby" had died.
I had two other miscarriages so early I never saw their heart beats.
I have been to 5 doctors, two acupuncturists, a psychic, endocrinologists, and shrinks.
I am looking into donor egg, but no one can guarantee I won't miscarry again. I feel in perpetual limbo, perpetual loss, isolation.
Other people have kids and move on.
I have many blessings. But I still keep the pictures of my "babies" and the books I bought them in a drawer outside my bedroom.
Good Night Moon. Where the Wild Things Are.
I don't think this heartache heals.