Heartbroken

It's four a.m. and I can't sleep. I'm wide awake, crying my heart out and grieving a life I'll never have.

I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I think for many women who fully realize that they can't bare their own children, it's a devastating loss.

I've been battling an illness on and off from age 14 on, and it has intensified to be constant in the last 2 years with numerous hospitalizations and procedures and surgeries. I will be 26 this year.

Due to having my right kidney removed a few weeks ago and a very weak remaining kidney that is currently making multiple stones quickly, as well as having endometriosis, I am not able to have children. It is possible that I could try but it would be extremely dangerous for my body and would almost certainly make me gravely ill.

It's really just hitting me that I can't have my own children and it hurts so badly. My heart just aches. I am single now but...most of us women have dreamt of this. I am also learning that my health may never permit me to become a parent even to adopt a child, but only time will tell on that. I guess I just feel robbed, but sometimes life makes decisions for you, I suppose.

I am fortunate that I have 17 nieces and nephews, but sometimes seeing them just reminds me of a kind of life I'll never know.

I guess that's really all I have to say. Hang in there ladies. My thoughts are with you.
missmelissal missmelissal
22-25
3 Responses Jan 12, 2013

Its not just ladies. 20% of men are infertile. And I must be the broodiest man on the planet who'll never have kids! I have 2 stepdaughters but i met their mum when they were teenagers. I have heart problems that havent halted my plans medically (as far as I know) but the time spent in hospital since I met my wife meant i had to put it on hold and now its too late! My parents are both 1 of 6 and had 4 kids. Watching my brother have his and my eldest sister breading like a rabbit was bad enough but now even my nephews are dads! As much as these stories are helpful I think there should be meetings you can go to so people can talk face 2 face. If its good enough for alcoholics and drug addicts surely there should be some support groups for people who cant have kids through no fault of their own!

Hi, I've been trying to find some sort of support for my son who was told eighteen months ago that he cannot have children. His wife left him after finding out this news and became pregnant within three months through a one night stand which resulted in a baby boy. He has been through hell at the age of 26. I've searched and searched the net to find some sort of support group for guys but nothing. Millions of support sites for women but not for the men. Have you found any?

Mel
Your story is not unlike my own, I have been ill and after chemo and heart surgery it seems my body has decided that my genes are not the ones that should be passed on. I spent years grieving, I think I am on the other side now but the fact I am looking for support from people who have similar experiences probably means I haven't totally reconciled with the fact yet.
I feel cheated, my good friends have children and its hard. My husband is very good,he has a daughter from a previous relationship so he doesn't fully understand what it feels like to never have someone say "oh they have your eyes and nose" no one will ever look like me.
I fear for my old age, if I get there I don't want to be alone.
I have thrown myself into my career, but you are rarely remembered for a job you had.
I have one friend who is in a similar position and she is finding it harder than me. I try to support her, this often means making light of my own position.
There is no easy answer, life is a ***** sometimes, you just have to make the most of what you have. I am stronger now than I have ever been and it rarely brings me to tears now. But I think it will always be hard to deal with.
It's sad to see that the number of women who can't have children is growing and still there is no recognition or consideration by the media, it's a no go area, shame almost.
But I will wake tomorrow with people in my life who I love, and who love me, and the world won't seem too bad for a while. x

Hi Just read this

It is actually nice to hear that there is someone else out there that feels like I do.
Women that can have children have no idea, they try to support you but have no
idea what it feels like inside its killing me. I had childhood cancer and have been
told I cant have children due to this. Me and my partner are meant to be trying for IVF
but im not optimistic and my fears of it not working well im not sure what it will do to
me i already feel like my heart is being ripped out my chest at the thought of not being
able to have a child. I know there is adoption but it just isnt the same. I will go for ages being fine and then it hits me again I hate seeing pregnant women I just envy them they have something that I wont be able to have. I dont know how to cope with it, dont know if you do.

I feel like I have just moaned at you sorry, It must be difficult for you to have all those nieces and nephews. I also have late effects of cancer and similarly to you I worry if they will actually let me adopt.

Not sure what else to say I guess just feeling really down right now x