Cant Hav Kids

Having always tried to stay positive its a mental battle fought everyday. Found out the condition is ireversible. Been struggling with it.. it wins most of the time..feel helpless and angry. Sad and bitter. Afraid and lonely. I see my brother and sis.. happy with their kids. I am truely happy for them... but that doesnt mean it terribly doesnt pain me to see my despair. My marriage first broke up after 9 years. I married again for feeling a sense of belonging.. together ness....i was honest and up front... but this side of me the need for my own does not concede defeat. After me... theres no one representing me..i look after my dad as a carer. I smile with him when his afraid. I hold his hand and asure him when he needs it. I feel sad that when my demise comes i will be alone...this frightens me.. in between i miss being called daddy. I miss all those experiences that u cherish with a child. I wish there was a junior me running around..falling and jumping up. Shouting and being me all over again.... time to stop the tears and press the reset button.
hummtumm hummtumm
46-50, M
1 Response May 27, 2013

I would like to thank you. It made me realise that it is not only us women who suffer when we cannot have children. I feel your pain and experience the same things. I wish you the very best in the future.