Men That Can't Have Kids

I was shattered about 8 years ago. 32 years of age, married to the love of my life for 3 yrs...... when I was told by a heartless doctor that "you can never have kids"...... I had nobody to turn to for advice and for the first 12 months I thought my life was over. I thought I might be able to provide some support to other men out there...

The story......

One thing I knew since I was a teenager is that I loved kids and I wanted plenty of them. Its now been 5 years since my first daughter was born and we had a second two years ago. Are they biologically mine? Will I ever tell them?....not sure. Do I view them like my own?....absolutely. Does it still play on my mind?...every day.

After countless tests and years of trying to have children, it was confirmed that I was to blame. Many years later and many $$ later I am now content that having these kids has made my life complete. I had many challenges along my journey and made many good & bad decisions.

If I can help any other couples/people out there, shoot me a line. I know that these life occurances are quite rare but you are not alone. If I can help anyone that feels as helpless as I did, don't hesitate to reach out.

happynow88 happynow88
28 Responses Aug 3, 2009

Please help me!

I've just had a gorgeous little boy a few weeks ago. He was diagnosed with microdeletions after a routine pre-natal blood test. I have the unusual dilemma of knowing in my child's infancy that he is sterile. I have NO guidance on what would be best. How do I tell him, what do I tell him, when do I tell him, do I tell him??? These questions weigh heavy on a broken-hearted mom. Do you feel, for you, that you wished you knew sooner? I worry that it will limit who will agree to marry him. I worry that he will suffer from depression. I worry that he will feel cheated in life. I worry about a million things. I mostly worry about handling the "telling him" incorrectly. It breaks my heart everyday. Knowing now that that is your fate, how would you have written your story?

Hi, I just wanted to say you are a one in a million man and I respect you so much, I to am now 31 married to the love of my life and recently found out that I can't have any kids and I'm finding it hard to deal with the fact that I and my wife will have to use a donor, I really wanna do it but I need some advice

Me and my wife have been tring now for 10 mouths My wife already has a lovely little boy to a man she was just with for sex ( before we meet)In my head it's the size off my **** and I'm I make her as happy as he did it hurts me every day I love my wife very much and she tells me she don't care if we have a kid or not but iv alway fort I would have kid R son is great but I just won't a little bro or sis for him A lot off people say just relax but that is easier said than don't

Hi I had a question my boyfriend and I got engaged and are gonna get married but latley during sex he can't get hard. We are seeing a doctor for that but somewhere down the line I'm afraid what if he can't have kids later because of that I don't want to put any pressure on him because he's already going through a lot he use to smoke weed for the past 5 years so that is one of the reasons this is happening. If you can give me any advice I would really appreciate it

Small glimmer of hope for all of you. My ex, who is 30, was told early on that he couldnt have children. He said he's always wanted them and dated women with children. Im 36 and Im 8 weeks pregnant with what may be twins. I already have a child who is 17 and graduating high school this May. I hear these stories so much. Like I told him, doctors are practitioners of medicine. They don't know it all. You don't know their motives or personal agendas. If it's in GOD will..... His family is shocked and don't believe me. They think Im trying to keep around by saying that Im pregnant. Unfortunately, i don't have that type of time or energy to dedicate to one individual. Given my age and the age if my daughter, Im not thrilled about this pregnancy. He's ecstatic. We're discussing the best course of action now. Please don't judge me. I just wanted to share with you all that nature happens when it feels like it, not when we want it to. And doctors only can provide you with a best guest. If they knew there will be no need fir all the drugs that dont work. Good luck to you all and nothing is wrong with any of you. Just timing I believe.

I think i cnt have kids and im 20 wen me and my ladie make love we try but its nothing we ben doing this for months what da hell wrong with me

I think I can't have kids I need some help I'm 31 one had about 5 main girlfriend never got one of them pregnant 3 of them have kids now one have 3, one have 2, and 1 what is wrong with me

Dude I am in the sane boat too I can't ever have kids its horrible

Not sure quite how to start this post having never really opened up before on the Internet but 18 months ago my wife and I were told we couldn't have children. We'd spent months having numerous tests and consultations but following a particularly intrusive operation I was told that it was me with the problem. We both found this incredibly difficult to come to terms with having both dreamt of having a family. We did discuss alternative options but somehow it didn't feel right - maybe it was too soon. My wife would have made the most incredible mum but the news was just too much for her to take. It's now 12 months since we separated and although we still speak and occasionally meet, I'm starting to think things will never be the same again. I have read a number of the posts on this site and now realise that this isn't as rare as I thought it was. I genuinely wish that all those who have posted are now in a better place but would very much welcome any friendly words of advice as to deal with this nightmare that just doesn't go away.....

We found out last year that my husband can't have kids and I'm so depressed but I wouldn't leave him bc of it I just want children and I'm almost thirty he is 35!! His brother said we could use his ***** do u think that a mistake or a great offer?

Im 34 and 6 months ago i found im to blame for not having children. i have been married for 3 years and am now living seperate. i believe i purposly ruined my marrage after we found out. wife in drunk fit which she regrets said i ruined her life because of this. i hurt . and am glad you found peace in your life. it gives me hope. thank you.

I have the same problem can't have kids

Hey man, umm im 21 and have tried many diff times with the love of MY life lol And maybe an x.<br />
And nothing ever happens.. Could it be that I am sterile and cannot have kids? <br />
I know I'm still young but I don't wanna grow too old with none of my own ;/

I am having the same issue I've tried several times

i hear you guys im 17 and my doctor told me that i cant have kids and im an only child and ifeel so sad and deppressed and so weak and somtimes ifeel cz off this problem that im a big dissapointment to my parents since im their only son and i cant have kids

Same here I am 22 and was told by doctors Icant have kids but I am in ur shoes too it is depressing

My brother has been married for 10 yrs and cannot have babys.It is affecting his mood and out look on life very bad. I don't know how to talk to him about adopting a child. I don't know how to start afraid he will get mad.

I've been married less than a year, but we've been sexually active for nearly 5 years, just recently it came to light that the majority of my swimmers are lazy, mutated, or the other. My wife seems to be taking it in stride, trying to make the most of it. It has been hard for me to accept that I cannot bear children, the doctor gave us a less than 10% of conceiving, I've taken to isolating myself and really lashing out at my wife for trying to remain positive. I try to imagine that it will happen one day, but with each month that passes, those hopes have begun to turn into resentment. As days go by my depression worsens and my self-esteem continues to reach new lows.

i recently met a couple in church and i found out that they could not have children because of her<br />
situation. i am a man of poor faith and one day i was praying and confronted God in prayer.<br />
I asked for God to make a miracle and show me he existed by finding out this couple was <br />
going to have a child. Impossible ? NOT FOR GOD..... one day i said to them you will<br />
hear the good news of a baby in october or november.... and guess what . She is now 4 months <br />
pregnant !!!!! wow GOD DOES EXIST ! TRY GOD ! WHILE OTHERS CANT DO IT ...HE CAN. <br />

can miracles happen

can miracles happen

I am 26 and been with my partner for 3 years anda few months ago discovered i couldnt have kids, my problem and issues come from the fact that my partner had a son of her own from a previous partner. I came onto the scene when he was 1 month old and his real father has never had anything to do with him, not one birthday card not one xmas card. i have been there for the last 3 years picking him up when he falls, comforting him when he crys, but i still am not called dad and that kills me, im known as chris to him and it breaks my heart that he will never call me daddy. i know i have him in my life which i am thankful for because he is the best little boy i the world but knowing that i am not going to see the woman i love carry my child and blossom through pregnancy wrecks my head, i missed out on all the pregnancy stuff with my son(step) which i think alot of people dont understand how much men would miss all the the nerves, excitment, getting the nursery ready taking the newborn home. It really is a creul world where dirty scum can father endless amounts of children and not care of even want anything to do with them, when all i want is 1 chance to be called daddy!

ok i am a girl but my dad was told he could never have kids. for years he was content with that then when he met my mom at a party the clicked. so not all doctors are right i am here and there is no doctor that can tell me i am not my fathers child. no count the fact my father has no other children but he has me i am his little miracle. so men don't give up just because a doctor says you cant have faith i came along and my father didnt think it could happen till itidid

single moms get overlooked because they have kids.. sure if you were to accept them into your life you know the kids aren't biologically yours but if you take the route this poster did, it's the same thing. The children aren't and will never be biologically yours. The thing is.. if you really desire to be a Father and you can't have kids it's up to you to accept children that will never be biologically yours be it whatever method or decision you make. But its what you make of it that can make you a good father to some really great kids out there that might be in need of a Father figure.

I'm trying my best to be supportive of my fiance. He couldn't ever have kids with his prior wife (both have a fertility problem) - and it's something that eats at him awful. I have children of my own from my previous marriage, and yes I would love to be able to have at least one more child with him. What can I do? It's something that I desperately want for him. It effects his mood and out look on life. I tell him that I am and will always be here for him and that I love him so very much. He tells me I will never understand. Please help me find away to help him.

me i cant have kids found out bout ten a go my ex run off wiv sum **** me found new gf told her i cant hav kids an u no she wants ****** kids now the **** 6 years later

I am 36 and found out 2 years ago that i cannot have children and was with my spouse for 4 years prior to me finding out. This was one of the contributing factors to my impending divorce but that is for another post. I have what is called Klinefelter Syndrome, and I have waged the battle of Self harm, depression, jelousey, anger, and attempted 2x. Klinfelter's is when a man gets an extra chromisom (Males usually have XY and women XX) and all the plumbing works just fine except there are no swimmers in the pool. Through a lot of counselling and the support of some of the best friends any one can find, I can get better, I have gotten better and I am better. With my outgoing personality, I turned all that i was feeling about it and made it into more of a humour thing. When people asked why my spouse and I didnt have any children, I told them that I couldn't because I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body (because of the XXY Chromisome) (no judgement being passed here). I got the best of both worlds lol. It made them stop and think and then became interested in why I put it that way so it became more educational than emotional or judgemental. My wife at the time had a son (who was 13 at the time and came with my (now ex) from a prior abusive home) told me something that will remain with me for the rest of my life. "Anyone can be a takes someone special to be a DAD!"

im thirty now but when i was eighteen i was told i would never be a father im still trying to battle self harming and atempted suicide because of it. Im writing a book on it hoping people will understand that men would love to be dads i wish you all the best.

I have kids and their father doesnt want to know!! wish they could see how lucky they are!!...Id love to find a man that would love them...but they seem to not exist in the fertile world....and while I sympathize..... this comment above me is insulting when Ive lost a close one to suicide!!! do you think that would make your mum and many others feel? grrrr

I'm only eighteen. I don't know if i can have children - I know sounds strange. I have a problem I won't disclose what it is. But yeah if I couldn't have children as far as I'm concerned my life would be over, I think I'd end it! I know, I know. I can kind off understand how you feel in a way...

You know what?..... You're happy.... They're happy..... Why complicate things. YOU ARE their dad. You've been there since day one, and that's all that matters!!!! I just found out i can't have kids!