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What's Wrong With Me?

Hello all. I just found this site through a Google search. I am 46 years old, with a home, a wife, and three children. Last week I was let go from my job because of poor performance. I was there only 13 months, and was miserable from day one, because I felt going in that I would fail.

Let me give a little history of myself. I have an engineering degree. Since graduating with this degree in 1988, I have worked for EIGHT different companies. I have been mainly in sales. I can totally sympathize with what others are saying - I feel like a COMPLETE failure, and just keep asking "how many times can one person fail and keep fighting?". My wife hasn't worked in 12 years, staying home to raise the kids. She started looking for employment just before I was let go. We didn't know I was going to lose my job, but our financial situation was getting pretty bad, so she started looking for work. Now that this happened, I honestly don't know how we'll survive. I have always paid all of my bills on time and have had impeccable credit, but I don't know how I'll be able to continue. I estimate we’ll be completely out of money within about four months.

For some time now I have been trying to figure out why I can't hold down a job. I have never seen a doctor about it, but wonder if maybe I have a form of ADHD too. There obviously must be something, because everyone I know is perfectly capable of holding down a job, not to mention getting the usual promotions. It is very depressing to see all of my friends and neighbors climbing their corporate ladders, while I keep getting knocked off of mine. I wouldn't mind not advancing, if I could just maintain steady employment for a decent length of time.

I know I'm rambling, but I have so much to say, and want to get some of it out there. The depression has been overwhelming to say the least. I have had suicidal thoughts (just thoughts - I have never come close to acting on them). Aside from the depression, the fear and anxiety is destroying me. I haven't slept well in a couple of years, and am usually in a pretty bad mood.

I'm glad I found this group, because it definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening.
LookingforAnswers11 LookingforAnswers11 46-50 16 Responses Oct 17, 2011

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Wow , I am going through same thing and its getting Worse for me . I've been this way all my life . It started with a paper route I Did it for 4 months 13 yrs old then quit landed another job at local food market worked there 3 months and quit 14 yrs old.I also quit school at 16 but like most of you I have no problem with getting a job and had a lot of good ones. I don't know why I would quit . I had one job I was at for a year as a auto tech and I told owner I was leaving to open my own garage he laughed and I said see ya an he says your not kidding. He offered me his business of 40 years and we did the lawyer thing and I owned two properties and life was good wasn't feeling depressed or worthless anymore untill about 8 years later I ran it into the ground and there was no coming back . I lost everything 400k and properties . I think the only reason I lasted that long is because I had employees depending on me and I had a huge mortgage payment. The owner held note so everything I had I basically gave back to him and then some . I have two small children and I am married 20 years my wife is beside herself and with good reason , I can't hold a job ! I am 43 and things are looking really scary in 20 years for me . My wife has close to six figure job and I have nothing . I am going to see a physcologist in two days to try and figure out what is wrong and y can't I conform . She had made a statement to me tonight as soon as my kids are old enough she's gone . I know she love me but I would leave me to . She has given me benefit of a doubt but I keep screwing up, and as far as family mine is more than supportive but also hard for me at family functions because of my job history. Again I have no problem working and no complaints at all when I'm there I just get this overwhelming feeling of whatever it is and leave and don't even call .but its like a huge weight off my chest like yes I'm free . I have been depressed my whole life and I knew this 25 years ago I should have sought some help then . I am so emotional that I can't even cry anymore well at least over normal things like the thought of my wife leaving me in 8 years. the empty emotional feelings are there but I can't seem to cry but I can watch a commercial on tv about a guy saving a dog from the water and a waterfall starts coming out of my eyes idk I will post back few days

Mylye - Hang in there. Your situation is different than mine, in that I didn't leave those jobs voluntarily. Nevertheless, deep down inside I am an optimist and believe that there's a plan for all of us. It'll work out for you - you just need to try and remain positive. Keep me posted.

I know exactly how you feel. I graduated from college five years ago and have already worked at five different places. I tend to only stay at jobs for a few months because I get bored easily and I don't enjoy the field I'm in. I told myself that at my last job I would stay no matter what and they ended up writing me up for poor performance. It made me feel like a total loser. I could tell they didn't want me to stay so I ended up quitting. It's been three months and I haven't been able to find anything since. I feel very depressed and get very anxious about working again because I'm afraid I'm going to fail and be fired. I feel very lost, especially when everyone around me has steady jobs and seem to know what they're doing with their life. I also feel that my job hopping has hurt me in being able to find work. No one wants to hire me because they probably think I won't stick around.

Wow, I thought I was alone with this. I have never been let go, but I think I will be because of job performance. I feel so anxious at work and I feel that I always have to defend myself. I mean sure I'm doing the job....but someone is always complaining about me and as a result, I'm being called in to the office, which makes me feel stupid and inadequate. I'm depressed and sad most of the time can't get to sleep. I live alone and can't afford to be let go.

I know exactly how you feel, as I went through the same thing for seven months in 2010. I was in a constant state of anxiety and depression. I finally got out of that terrible state by finding a new job and resigning from the job where I had all the stress. It was probably the hardest thing I ever did in my life, because I loved that job and really thought I'd spend the rest of my working life there. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

Although it still hurts 3+ years later, deep down I know I did the right thing. Life isn't fair, and unfortunately we need to make decisions and choices based on the circumstances we are put in. All I can tell you is you have to determine what is best for you and your overall health. Just remember that it may not be your fault at all, and you can not control many things that happen. But you can try and be proactive and seek new employment and you may end up at a company that values you completely.

All the best, and keep me posted. Hang in there.

I never thought I would get a response to my post. I haven't told any of my friends about what's going on at work, or how I'm really feeling. And here I am expressing my private stuff on line.... wow.

Anyway, thank you so much for your words of understanding. You are completely right that I must do what is best for me and find a company that values me completely. I have never felt valued at work. I work in healthcare and I love it. I'm very caring of people and go above and beyond my duties for patients. ( no not a nurse or doctor). My success I think is customer service. But somehow the complaints keep coming. This depression and anxiety is killing me.

Whoever you are, thanks again and I will keep you posted.

No need to thank me. As I said, I know exactly how you're feeling. When I first posted my story (above) on this site in 2011, I really was feeling suicidal. I never was without feelings of depression or anxiety, and usually both. This site actually helped me a lot, by allowing me to get my feelings out and also by hearing from others and realizing there are a lot of good, caring people out there.

You mention about your friends.... I understand not telling them, because some things are too personal or too painful to share with those we know. However, you may want to consider confiding in at least one very close friend. You may find it very helpful. True friends are there for us no matter what.

Although things seem dark and gloomy right now, just try and be optimistic. Things WILL work out - I promise you. Just hang in there. And definitely keep me posted.

Hello....well things weren't getting any better. The anxiety is over me like a cloud of smoke. I even called in sick, which is something I rarley do. At work...I'm second guessing everything in the attempt not to get into trouble again. What the hell is wrong with me?

Anyway.....my boss is now changing my position to a rather...shall we say....much less challenging one. I'm not sure what to think at this point, but I feel sick, embarrassed and stupid over it all. i just feel like running away. Why can everyone else get it together and not me?

NOTHING is wrong with you. It's just that the place, and/or your boss, is not an ideal fit for you. THINGS WILL GET BETTER - but you may need to change your circumstances first. In other words, you may need to find a new company to work for.

As you know, I completely can sympathize with your thoughts about feeling inferior to others. It's a battle that keeps creeping into my life too. But you HAVE to beat it. KEEP FIGHTING, and keep going. Try your hardest not to let them get you down. Send out resumes, applications, etc. If nothing else, it'll make you feel better because you'll be doing something and being proactive. Please keep fighting, and DON'T beat yourself up. Keep me posted.

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yip im in this situation and trying to find answers .at 17 i did an apprent in tiling at 21 i had enuff money to buy a taxi this kept me going till i was 32.Since then ive drifted out of one career and another .I dont have any problem getting the job infact my qualifications are well above average and experience many and varied its keeping it .i loved my last job the people i worked with and thought i was getting there but a manager said something i said something back in the same light and they took offence so im like stuff yer job ya **** your not my boss never will be .no one has ever critized my work im usually the best but i am starting to get pissed off with my attitude anyone help

I hope you're still with us. I too am suffering. I'm going to be 32 in the next few weeks. I can't keep a job. I can't keep a relationship. I'm all over the place. I too have suicidal thoughts. I don't want to die but it would be so easy to let all this **** go. Please let me know how you have been...

Yes, I am still with us. Since the posting, I found a job that I started in May 2012. I am very happy with the company, and am doing pretty well there. So please, DON'T GIVE UP!!! It DOES get better - you just have to try and stay positive, and keep fighting. If not for yourself, do it for me and all the others that care about you. It's not always easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. You'll find your niche - keep fighting. And keep me posted. Good luck to you.

I will also be 32 in a couple of weeks and I've had countless jobs since I was 18. I'm a Christian and believe God has a Great plan for my life but have had similar thoughts and feelings as you guys. Depression, suicide thoughts, and just feeling worthless and like a failure. Was married for 10 yrs and had 3 beautiful daughters. I believe this problem was one of the reasons my marriage ended Unfortunately. I don't have a college degree. I was a good student in high school and a good football player and graduated in the middle of my class. After that it seems like I haven't been able to stick with anything. I seem to excel in sales but just can't seem to stay out anywhere. I'm at the end of my rope. Broke, living with buddies and alone. I've met an amazing woman and we fell in love but this problem is already having an effect on our relationship. Praying for a breakthrough!! Any suggestions???

You've got to just hang in there. As I said previously, it does get better. There is something out there for everyone. I am still at the "new" job, and still very happy. Been here almost 1-1/2 years, and really do feel like I fit in. Try and be optimistic.... it will work out.

Keep me posted.

I honestly think I'm not cut out for group homes. I feel like a failure right now cuz yeh I can't hold a job either. I work in the direct care worker field and honestly the job seems to good to be true like all u have to is manage them and give their meds, how fricken simple is that, no certs and seems like anyone can be replaced. The first job okay I was cocky I was late and such so I deserved the axe. The second work me like I worked my *** off even more than those fat ***** will ever be. I locked the doors, I always asked them is there anything else needed of me, I also micro managed and offered to do the harder work because their scared to do it which was medication. I'm so furious that yeh All my friends are growing up without me and even the losers got better lives than I do right now its effing frustrating. Like what kind of reason is not interacting with the patients I Fri Ken make sure their *** is alive by telling them their chores for the day and calling them for dinneriono that seems like interaction to me. I feel like I'm at the bottom right now and ohh yeah I also worked on talking to my superiors of how I feel and that **** Dont work so I'm effig fed the **** up

Hang in there chinablacque. Things will get better. They always do. You have to remain positive..... do it for me.

Wow. I feel less like a loser since i am not the only one. It's hard to find a year round job on Long Island in the restaurant industry, I have bad credit and i have to hear my husband tellimg me all the time how lazy i am. He's had his job for years and has no clue. Everything is online these days, you can't just walk off the street and get hired anymore. And whrn you apply online, no one bothers to call you and you can't call them most times because there's no number, just an email address. I am tired of the name calling. No therapists in our town, so I'm going it alone. You know its bad if you can't even get a job at the local McDonald's...

Man, after reading all the posts I had to respond. I've been dealing with job jumping my entire life. Finding them is not a problem, it's keeping them. The longest job I held is 5 years. I to ask myself why do I quit. I currently work in a very stressful job and am on call 24/7. The money is good but it's taking a toll on my well being. I ask myself what's more important money or well being. We all know the answer to that. Anytime I start a new job I feel like it's not the one for me and the old self doubt kicks in. The feeling of being inadequate at doing something you've never done before starts the ball rolling, and from there it's all down hill. The funny thing is, I have always been complimented on how good of job I'm doing by customers, boss and coworkers. I'm to blame somewhat, you see, I always thought I was a positive thinker but I'm really not. I tend to think about the past and future and if any of you out there are doing the same you're really not living. I am seeking help and hope to find some answers that will help me identify what causes me to bail out. I do not handle pressure very well and tend to get caught up in the vicious cycle of worry, stress, anxiety and panic attacks. A lot of this is self inflicted and becomes so real that there's only one way out, fight or flight. I know there has to be some way of coping with this and that's the answer I'm looking for. Medication does help somewhat, but therapy by a professional is what I'm banking on. Each and ever one of us has stong qualities, different personalities and skills for success. I know what it's like to have multiple jobs. I hate when someone ask me how my job is going and I have to reply I don't work there anymore. Ashamed, embarrassed, humilated are just some of the bad feelings. It's tough being around friends and family most of them have been at their jobs from 10 to 25 years. It's also very hard on my marriage life. My wife doesn't understand and thank god she is the stable one. I've so tired of the way I'm thinking that it has pushed me over the edge and that's why I'm seeking professional help. I wish you all the best and will reply in a few weeks.

I'm in the same boat, you are not alone. Due to the economic execution occurring worldwide caused by the economic downturn caused by bad private gambling in Wall Street, it is not your fault you cannot hold down a job. Employers are treating people as disposable, all for their private gains and profits, so it is not unusual to hear you hate your job and that you cannot climb that ladder. A lot of people are struggling yet swallowing their pride thinking why they can't provide. The answer? Because the odds have been bet against you. To stay on the corporate ladder, you would need the same insane mindset that is promoted by the very people wrecking this earth. You're boss is there promoted because he is a psychopath.

Dude I'm in the same boat! Its not ADHD or AADD it's your intelligence level and your desire to be great, systematically problem solve and seek success. The world is filled with people who can't accept working with others who seek success. Most people just go through the motions and then got lost in the Budweiser or marijuana after work. I've been out of college for 12 years, had one job for 2.5, five jobs over the next 4 years, started and was both successful initially and ultimately a failure at my own enterprise, worked for family for 2.5 years and quit cause I got a colossal muthereffing over a cord on a table saw and some ratty *** company t shirts I had 4 of that I did not wear to work on the day of a steelers home game. Since 2008, I've been colossally unemployed most of the time and lucratively employed in either short term hard to find positions or hired to produce results, produced those results, then been let to after being drained of my intelectual property. I have 5 job offers not in the state where I live, my wife and I cant leave because of her career, and I can't quit our marriage over my lack of ability to keep a job because I truley do love my wife and our daughter. I'm also the same guy who can't hire roofers to put shingles on correctly ( they put them on wrong twice before I climbed up there and did it my self) I can't get auto repairs done right, the put a brand new under warranty manual tranny in my vehicle with no fluid in it then blamed me for draining the fluid so I bought and paid for the second tranny and the fluid with my own

Money and then sued them and won, and the last 4 tires I purchased one of the four was a 70 series and the other 3 were 75 series tires... The world is a ****** up place where money talks, bullshit walks, and people who are very smart and talented and able to do many different things dot function well. Your supposed to take your spot in the production line and **** your mouth and work like a slave and make those rich bastards richer! Remember that our money becomes worthless paper, that all the stupid ***** that have a lot of it wont know how to survive! Me and my 0 debt lifestyle and my 24yo pickup truck and tools and ability to grow my own food and harvest rainwater will eventually win! In the mean time I'm available to contribute in the Pittsburgh pa market to any employer who can give me a results oriented work ethic schedule and a $50-60k + Benifits package....

I have walked out of my last 3 jobs because the walls started to close in on me (I gave 2 weeks notice). But, then I am w/o a job and the depression and stress is almost too much to handle. My family has given up on me which is a shame. I have won awards from most of my employers which makes this so sad for me. I need medical treatment but have no insurance. I pray and sob to God every day.

Palm - The obvious question is - Why did you quit the jobs before securing new employment? Nevertheless, I certainly feel your pain. Still unemployed after four months. Have had some financial help from family, but how long can I keep taking from them? I'm still unsure of what's going to happen, but we do have to keep fighting - you and me both. I'm constantly in a state of depression, but deep inside I try and remain somewhat optimistic that things will somehow work out. A huge part of my problem is that the job I had before my last I actually loved. I really thought I would spend the rest of my working life there. Loved the company, my colleagues, and really enjoyed the work. It's a long story, but I ended up leaving because things very quickly went south. It was the hardest thing I ever did (resigning), but they were going to fire me anyway. And since then, all I keep thinking is how much I miss it there and wish none of that ever happened. I know I need to move on, BUT I CAN'T. I keep thinking the passing of time will lessen the pain, but it hasn't. All I can say, for you and me both, is we need to move on and try and leave the past in the past. Good luck to you. Let me know how it works out.

Wow, your story exactly mirrors mine. I had been at this global company for 17 months. It was absolutely blissful the first 12 months. When I interviewed, there were 900 applications for 2 spots and I got one of the positions. I was in heaven for the first year. Our company was fairly new in the U.S. and we didn't have many employees so I had to wear many hats which I was willing to do. My boss was very happy with my performance. I worked so hard the first year but I knew in my heart that I had to bring it down to 2nd or 3rd gear if I were to make it long term. I had planned on retiring from this company. I had good pay and excellent benefits. I was on a role. The pressure got to me so bad in the Fall of 2011 that one day I gave 2 weeks notice. Things went from "great" and "blissful" to not so good very quickly. As you said things went south quickly.

I have been w/o work for 3 months and I cry and struggle every day. I pine for my job and it is surreal to me that I actually quit when a year ago I was so happy. It is like another person was quitting for me and then I woke up from my stupor and can't believe that I quit like that. I need to move on too but I can't.

I think there were several reasons why I had a meltdown and quit as follows:

1. The stress levels were through the roof
2. I was vulerable because of a depressive slide?
3. My boss was attracted to me (he was married) and this made me feel uncomfortable although I was wildly attracted to him but married men are so off limits to me. He was European so an affair would have been no problem for him but it would have been a problem for me.
4. This may sound stupid but there was a crematorium next door and I would see black smoke coming out of the building roof when bodies were being burned. I also saw the bodies being brought in in the morning. I think on a subconscious level I wanted to get away from that.
5. I couldn't stand this guy that I worked with. He didn't like women and he was a total *******. Why couldn't I look the other way?
6. Do I mess life up when things are going too well? Is it self-infliction?

I don't know but I am trying to find the answers within myself.

Please note that I am a walker and I get out and walk 5 miles at a time. This helps when I am super down. I also am on a vitamin plan that helps me to sleep at night. Seratonin building supplements. I sleep so good which helps. When I worked at my company I woke up 10 times a night. I am optimistic about the future but I have my moments where I don't want to get out of bed. I am a degreed professional women who has alot going for her.

Hang in there and let me know your progress! Your story touched me and I wanted to cry reading it as I see myself in your story although I don't have children our spouse to be worried about (thank God).

Stay positive, exercise and do positive affirmations and visualizations. We are what we think about all day long.

I am interested in how your story turns out.

~ Cheryl ~

Looking: I also read this in the past few months:

>>>>> All those who wander are not lost <<<<<

Take a moment to reflect on this. Perhaps you haven't found your calling yet. What hobbies do you enjoy? Can you turn it into a business? What is your passion? You may be the more creative type and an office setting in corporate America is not the answer for you.

~ Cheryl ~

Cheryl - I am so sorry it took so long for my reply. I just now saw your posts. Don't know how I missed notifications I must have received back in early February. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful posts.

First of all, you have very valid reasons for quitting that job. Every one of them makes perfect sense. Don't beat yourself up.

As for me, I am actually starting a new job (finally) next Monday. It's been a long, very tough seven months. By far this has been the hardest and saddest seven-month period in my life.

I am scared that I may fail at the new job, because like I said, I have failed many times before. I wish I could put my finger on why, but I honestly can't. I am trying to stay positive, but it is difficult. But I know I need to - so I really am trying.

Please let me know how things are going with you. You sound like a bright, and caring individual. The world needs you.

1 More Response

Hello everyone I am 46 year old Desk top support technician I have been in this role for 7 years now for most of my working career I was in the construction role as a carpenter electrical worker even back then I kept getting fired for one reason or the next I could never seem to hold down a job in that field either seemingly the formans and supervisors just automatically disliked me I cant tell anymore how many jobs I have had so I decided that I wanted to change my career so this is when I got into the computer world but after 7 years in the field here I am again today I was just let go for what ever reason it was my dream job 60k a year starting out 3 weeks in I am unemployed again on top of that I am going through divorce it just seems as though when it comes to working I will never be able to be successful on any job I want to work for myself now I am just tired of constant failure I cant keep a job long enough to pay my bills my credit has went to shreds I cant maintain a relationship with anyone as I cant help myself I am really tired

Hang in there. Things have GOT TO improve. Good luck to you.

I too appreciate reading these stories. It helps me to think I'm not totally abnormal. I have always prided myself in my work and held the same job for 11 years until the company shut down. Now...I can't keep a job. I am devestated every time and this time was no different. I have cried for two weeks and felt like such a loser. I'm not sure what to do at this point. It seems like people like me to begin with ... then they end up hating me. Others say that is in my head...but I don't htink so. I am so down. I am quiet and keept to myself, mind my own business, do what I'm told, work lots of overtime (even when not asked to) and then BAM. I have no where to turn and wish I would fade into the darkness. depression is obvious i guess. I suck.

Canned,

Thanks for sharing your story. Please don't say you suck - I find myself CONSTANTLY thinking of myself as a complete loser..... but when I hear someone else like you think negative thoughts about yourself, it really upsets me. Please have faith - this too shall pass. You will one day find your true calling and true passion. You have to hang in there.....DO IT FOR ME IF NOT FOR YOURSELF!

Totally feel ya. I'm 45, and have been fired 20-30 times since age 16. During youth I could flee from city to city, from province to province, from country to country, from profession to profession, always building new bridges where the old ones were burned. But it's becoming impossible to keep up that pace. I have no dependants, but I'm not even sure I can depend on myself any more. I've been fired for every single reason in the book, slowness often comes up, but there are also a gazillion contradictory reasons, sometimes too bitchy, sometimes not bitchy enough, sometimes impunctual, sometimes not, sometimes too fast, sometimes not, sometimes too error-prone, sometimes not, sometimes too careful, sometime not careful enough, sometimes too attentive, sometimes too lax. I have a bachelor's degree in biology which is entirely useless, and several years of university courses in business admin, languages, biochemistry, surveying... I'm trilingual, have travel experience, am extremely flexible. I've occupied nearly every profession except lawyer, doctor, engineer. I fail at intellectual jobs as much as I fail at no-education-required jobs. Bosses absolutely hate 100 % of me. Yet my co-workers generally like me. I am non competitive, extremely hard-working, don't take smoking breaks, creative, friendly, smiling. I have tried all the combinations, NONE work. I have come to a point in my life where I have lost ALL my self confidence, I don't know how I'll make it to tomorrow.

Northern - Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story. It does sound like we have a lot in common. I really wish I had some answers so we could BOTH benefit, but I really am at a loss.

Unlike you, I have dependents. To be honest, though, many times I wish I didn't. This way, I wouldn't have to watch loved ones suffer for my inadequacies and failures. I often think if I had no wife and children, I would just take a job pumping gas and live in a shack. But as I said, I have to provide for them.

Please hang in there, and please update me once in a while on how you're doing. I am currently pursuing becoming a teacher, because I have always liked working with children, and I hope that I'll succeed by changing direction in my life. One thing I know is I have to get out of the corporate failure rut I've been in for far too long. Have you thought of teaching? With your background in biology, it might be something worth looking into. Let me know.

Along with a good job, you need support groups, social groups, and friends to keep you in check. Many people try things on their own, like they know it all, but you don't, and losing a job is the result one. Don't forget those that help you and honor them more than yourself and you will be surprise how better life really is.

I work five days a week, yet attend chuch, belong to five groups and listen to people about me. I adjust and make my family work together to make ends meet.

Good luck in your next job.

Aces,

Thanks for the advice. You are definitely correct in that friends and others are needed for support. I have been reaching out to them, and it definitely helps. I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my post.