What's Wrong With Me?Hello all. I just found this site through a Google search. I am 46 years old, with a home, a wife, and three children. Last week I was let go from my job because of poor performance. I was there only 13 months, and was miserable from day one, because I felt going in that I would fail.
Let me give a little history of myself. I have an engineering degree. Since graduating with this degree in 1988, I have worked for EIGHT different companies. I have been mainly in sales. I can totally sympathize with what others are saying - I feel like a COMPLETE failure, and just keep asking "how many times can one person fail and keep fighting?". My wife hasn't worked in 12 years, staying home to raise the kids. She started looking for employment just before I was let go. We didn't know I was going to lose my job, but our financial situation was getting pretty bad, so she started looking for work. Now that this happened, I honestly don't know how we'll survive. I have always paid all of my bills on time and have had impeccable credit, but I don't know how I'll be able to continue. I estimate we’ll be completely out of money within about four months.
For some time now I have been trying to figure out why I can't hold down a job. I have never seen a doctor about it, but wonder if maybe I have a form of ADHD too. There obviously must be something, because everyone I know is perfectly capable of holding down a job, not to mention getting the usual promotions. It is very depressing to see all of my friends and neighbors climbing their corporate ladders, while I keep getting knocked off of mine. I wouldn't mind not advancing, if I could just maintain steady employment for a decent length of time.
I know I'm rambling, but I have so much to say, and want to get some of it out there. The depression has been overwhelming to say the least. I have had suicidal thoughts (just thoughts - I have never come close to acting on them). Aside from the depression, the fear and anxiety is destroying me. I haven't slept well in a couple of years, and am usually in a pretty bad mood.
I'm glad I found this group, because it definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for listening.