I Just Want Things to Get Better.....

I feel ur pain, I'm about to lose my wife and kids because I've been through 16 jobs since May, 2010. I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking of talking to a therapist about it

Hi everyone. Just find this site and I'm glad I'm not alone. I

My English is not the best because I came from Ukraine and I live in Australia , but I think it's very fluent. I have the same problem with keeping the job for long. My longest usually 3 years. I had about 6 jobs for the past 13 years or so. I don't understand why? And I don't think I will ever find an answer unfortunately . I tried many technics to deal with the problem,but none is working. I'm completely lost. I think I'm smart,good looking and good with peapple. Ive got good husband and good kids. Ive been diagnosed with clinical depression and I'm dealing with it by taking medications and exercising and by constantly trying to emprove myself. If you meet me I look like nothing really wrong with me. I really really don't understand why I was fired all the time. Thanks got for my family being very supportive otherwise I would probably die. Sometimes I think mayby I'm too sensitive and shouldn't react on anything. Sometimes I think maybe I'm like that because my first husband was very abusive and violent. But shouldn't I get over it,because I devorsed him a long time ago? All my friends seems working for a long time in 1 job,but i keep moving around. I'm too emberessed to tell them I'm being fired,I'm just saying Im leaving jobs because Im getting bored. But it's not true. I would have liked to do my own business ,but I don't know what and I don't have enough money to buy it. I think nobody have an answer for people like me. I'm very depressed and discouraged .

Hello all. I just found this site through a Google search. I am 46 years old, with a home, a wife, and three children. Last week I was let go from my job because of poor performance. I was there only 13 months, and was miserable from day one, because I felt going in that I would fail.



Let me give a little history of myself. I have an engineering degree. Since graduating with this degree in 1988, I have worked for EIGHT different companies. I have been mainly in sales. I can totally sympathize with what others are saying - I feel like a COMPLETE failure, and just keep asking "how many times can one person fail and keep fighting?". My wife hasn't worked in 12 years, staying home to raise the kids. She started looking for employment just before I was let go. We didn't know I was going to lose my job, but our financial situation was getting pretty bad, so she started looking for work. Now that this happened, I honestly don't know how we'll survive. I have always paid all of my bills on time and have had impeccable credit, but I don't know how I'll be able to continue. I estimate we’ll be completely out of money within about four months.



For some time now I have been trying to figure out why I can't hold down a job. I have never seen a doctor about it, but wonder if maybe I have a form of ADHD too. There obviously must be something, because everyone I know is perfectly capable of holding down a job, not to mention getting the usual promotions. It is very depressing to see all of my friends and neighbors climbing their corporate ladders, while I keep getting knocked off of mine. I wouldn't mind not advancing, if I could just maintain steady employment for a decent length of time.



I know I'm rambling, but I have so much to say, and want to get some of it out there. The depression has been overwhelming to say the least. I have had suicidal thoughts (just thoughts - I have never come close to acting on them). Aside from the depression, the fear and anxiety is destroying me. I haven't slept well in a couple of years, and am usually in a pretty bad mood.



I'm glad I found this group, because it definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.



Thanks for listening.

I have just lost my 5 year relationship, my home and a job because basically, being there made me so unhappy i could not stand it. I am not a lazy person, i am not unambitious but over time i have lost jobs because i could just not fit it. I was also told by my last manager that 'i acted like i was doing people a favour by turning up' and this knocked me right over. I even asked two of my other managers how i came across in the way i acted and spoke to people and they didn't have the same view as my overall manager. Nevertheless, i can completely see where scattered is coming from. I have nothing left to lose, i have skills and great experience in the industry i work in and i actually love to learn in my work but sometimes it is like someone else takes over. Everybody keeps telling me to live in the real world and suck it up - all people who are either unhappy with their work / salary / colleagues, i may add. I have a problem, i admit that but i really have no idea why and how and what. My parents have even turned on me this evening and once again, i completely sympathise with scattered. I don't pretend i am perfect and i don't expect to find i have ADHD or any other condition. What do i do?

I just found this post so I hope it's not too late to respond. I have a bachelors degree and a masters (I'm 31) and I haven't kept a job longer than 2.5 years for the very same reasons you described. When I was your age it was the same issues and now it's because I can't handle being told what to do. I also have severe ADHA but from what I've found out ADHD I'd very common in extremely high intelligence individuals (Einstein, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison). I have since cured my job problem by opening my own business. I NEVER get bored because I am constantly challenged and don't have someone always telling me when and where I have to be. It took me several years to get the courage to work for myself but it's the best thing I've ever done. Your story reminded me of me so I thought I'd throw this out there. I used to be sooo embarrassed that my friends could hold down jobs for a long time and I thought something was wrong with me, but now I'm happier and more financially successful than any of them and now they are jealous of my freedom. Hope this helps. Good luck!!!

I am in a similar position, I am able to get myself going, and make progress over this and just when i think i'm doing good it all comes crashing down like it is right now. Ive only ever been able to hold a job for a maximum of 6 months Ive had so many I cant count them...... But this time i managed to get some big things done, i got my own place now which i'm about to loose already.... Its weird i'm not lazy and i know i HAVE TO to work and i want to, i just cant hold it together and i'm starting to worry about where my life is gonna end up, i'm 24 now and all my friends are getting married and buying houses and what am i doing? I'm getting fired and living with my parents...... I am really starting to get scared (literally) of what i'm gonna do when i have no one, whats gonna happen to me when my parents are gone and i cant hold my crap together? Ill be homeless and alone I know my parents are dissapointed in watching me waste my life, one of my sisters just graduated college this year and the other is leaving for college this fall and i cant even hold a steady job ..... I think alot of my problems are driven by fear and anxiety but I need to get myself fixed somehow so If you find anyone that can shed some light on this subject "Constructively" and not call us lazy or something ignorant id love to hear about it.

You should get tested for Asperger Syndrome!!!!!

Firefishe, you are awesome, by the way. I agree 100% with your comments. And scattered, I think that both responses here are worth taking note of, even if I agree with firefishe's more than the medication/responsibility route.



I was just laid off from a job, have been diagnosed with adhd also, and somewhat think that I may have auspberger's syndrome also. I always end up leaving not quite knowing what I did or didn't do wrong / right. People in this society, also, seem to be unable to really talk to you about issues they may have with you, and seem to enjoy taking the 'fire you' route out instead of working with you, which might, per firefishe's comments, rely at least a bit on giving you encouragement. I think it's hard for people to actually go out of their way and be forward-thinking nice.



In my experience, people like to point out your errors to others and laugh about them, which I know too because especially at this last place, they do it to everyone there, in front of everyone there, so it's a really toxic environment. Absolutely zero encouragement actually going on -- they talk it, but don't do it.



As far as dealing with things like being late, well, you just need to break down and start to make lists about the things that are what hold you back, right? Like for me, feeding the dogs, or checking email in the morning, or... whatever it is for you. Then make sure to get to everything you can do, the eve before, set your alarm earlier, make sure to get up (as odious as the position or atmosphere is) and get there. Try to make a friend there, even if over how bad the atmosphere is overall anyway. That can help you feel better about getting in there every day, also.



And I'm with you though on the ADHD and trying to figure out how it's affecting your work, because it's hard for me, too, to see what it's doing, exactly. I think I've seen it make me miss details in reading something the first time, and have impatience and so miss the details in finishing up a job here and there. Though, I've seen that in everyone there, in responding to notes I send, and in others reading others' notes as well, so why or how it makes my performance an issue, exactly, I'm really not sure.



But if your issues is only for lateness, what things end up getting in your way while you are trying, and laying out clothes etc the night before? Just try to break down what you see getting in your way piece by piece.... and see if you can move the pieces to other times, and getting up earlier can help too.

Firefishe i want to thank you for your kind words, i was actually feeling kind of down today and when i logged into my email i recieved the link to your comment, but before i could even get to it i read the one by creamsicle, it hurt at first but i was able to take what she said and take the good of it, we are all responsible for our actions, im not being the victim here irresponsibility is part of the reason i don't have a job but it's not the only reason. Firefishe i think what you said really hit home, i know that my road to recovery will only begin when i start to find myself, i think i have been lost for a long time and am ready to pick up the pieces and move on, its not going to happen overnight but what you said was right with support it can happen. Alot of times people dont understand that sometimes a simple word of encourgement can go longer than just kicking someone when they're already down they can never get up when you do that. Thank you firefishe

Creamsicle, Firefishe responding to your comment to scattered.



I, too, have ADD (ADHD when younger, although it wasn't called ADHD back then, just 'hyperactivity') and have a 'bit o' trouble' with my attentiveness, at times, although it is has decreased substantially as I've matured.



What I wish to say to you I wish to say in a gentle, kind, and respectful manner. We don't know 'each other from adam,' so I desire to be even more polite to someone I've never even met before now.



Scattered mentions ADHD, but I don't think it is fair when you say "...stop using your condition as an excuse not to do the things you NEED to do (like work!)" I read through her post twice and didn't think she was using ADHD as an excuse, at all. I, too, had to live with my parents for a time when I was younger, and am still in the relatively stable position I'm currently in due to an inheritence (now spent) received when my father passed away recently.



What I desire you to understand is this: We are, most often than not, dependent upon our families and each other more than this society would care to admit. That is my take on it, after studying other cultures and life-in-general.



We in the United States have dreamed up the personal of the 'Lone, Rugged, Individualist' for much too long now. It's time we got to the task of caring for each other, even if it means we, as parents (I'm not a parent, by the way; I mean this in the broad sense of the term, as in Society) need to care for our children, and stop comparing them to our more-capable offspring, and 'help them out.'



People need Love first. This means that they have to have fostered Love early on. If a person is yelled at early in life--in Kindergarten, for example--and effectively ostracized in front of one's peers, sometimes an overly-sensitive person may not recover from that which is, in reality, a form of abuse.



Abuse. Pure, Plain, and Simple! It is abuse!



So please don't 'dis' scattered. She's obviously held work, but just has a few bumps she's recently traveled upon. Let's not 'tell her to get with the program,' but instead, help her by 'helping to create a program of meaning' with which she can use to help herself foster Love, Joy, and Happiness, and Meaning within her own Heart of Hearts first.



First, because if she is not truly full of Joy, Love, and Happiness, and she doesn't believe in herself, then no amount of money (I had that, lost it, had it again, lost it, had it again, etc.), no amount of professional ability, no amount of medication (which is overrated in all but the most extreme of cases in my opinion), is going to give her what she seeks.



She needs, from those of us on these forums, more 'pro-scattered' than 'anti-scattered' and no matter how much one might 'apologize' for words written, once put on the page, they remain for all to see, until edited. And scattered--nor any of us--can edit another's comments unless they're a forum moderator. Editing, here, anyway, isn't the point.



The point is to share. To help. To *Uplift*. I'm sure scattered has heard her share of criticism. Let's not be critical here. Honest, yes. But please don't assume that, just because 'someone mentions ADHD in a sentence with regard to work problems' that that person is 'using ADHD as an excuse.'



I've heard the same from just about everybody I've met in person. I mention the 'ADD Thing' and everybody has the same 'canned' response patterns. The bloody thing is ingrained by society-at-large, that says 'people who aren't *currently* employed, actively seeking employment, and highly educated are useless; however, if and when they're employed again, then they're useful again.



I tire of it. It's mean, angry, and just plain wrong to blame a person for 'blaming their disability' for problems, especially when the problems--seen or unseen, known and unknown--are truly caused by the disability.



I, for example, can't hide the fact that as much as I'd like to be a computer programmer/coder, I just don't have the algebra to pass a college course. Doesn't mean I can't learn to program, but not being able to pass the math part of a collegiate program means, at length, 'I Won't Get The Job.' Do you understand?



Scattered needs specific help, support, and shoring up of her self-esteem *BEFORE* she can ascend the flights of employment success. Granted, when the going gets tough, life has a way to 'bring one around on course, properly!' I've been there.



However, while she's able to be at home in a safe environment, why her family can only complain about her lack of work and won't help her find help for her more deeper issues is a loss to me.



So many of us are focused on our perceptions of what other people think about us, primarily through employment. I won't work for anyone anymore who isn't concerned with my personal development as a rule, and not as a side issue.



Scattered should, truly, Look Within Her Self (Capital 'S'!) to find her True Strength. We all have IT. That power, that inner ability to Go Beyond Survival!



We should help scattered and not berate her for issues that are inherent, but can be overcome with time, patience, and fortitude. What better way to do this than to foster Joy, Happiness, Self-Esteem, and Love in her life?



Let's help scattered do this!



Warm Regards,

Firefishe

Well.... obviously someone is supporting you financially so you don't see the NEED to work. Imagine if you had to live in "the real world" Where you were completely responsible for all aspects of yours and your child's life with nobody else to fall back on. I bet you'd manage to hold a job whether you liked it or not. Well, either that or you'd be homeless and face having the government take your kid from you.



Anyway, check with your doctor - there are meds for ADHD that you can take as an adult. Maybe they'll help if that's really what the problem is.



I'm not trying to be mean, I'm being truthful. I am the mother of a 22 year old daughter with ADHD - she's got baby too. I know it's "real" - but you have to take responsibility for your own life at some point and stop using your condition as an excuse not to do the things you NEED to do (like work!)