We Ruined Each Other....

I used to think that the motto never wonder what might have been was so true, but now I have come to the realization that sometimes things should be left in the past for a reason. I think I fell for my soulmate at an early age. I was fifteen and he was thirty. It was the wierdest thing I have ever experianced, and it never should have happend. He was married and even went as far back then to confess his feelings about me to his wife. However he didn't leave her but instead moved halfway across the country. I never forgot about him and quite frankly never stopped loving him even though we were not intimate. It was simply emotional at this point and not the least bit physical.
Fifteen years later I ran into him in my old hometown at a church function and the feelings were still all there. He was still married and now I was with two kids. To be honest, my life was actually great. I have a degree and did quite well at work in the mental health feild. I loved my husband and couldn't ask for better kids. I was really disappointed in the fact that I still harbored these feelings for him. Eventually I found him on the internet and we started talking, calling and texting. He admitted that his feelings had never went away as well. He had moved back to the same area that I lived in and before I knew it, I was going to see him almost weekly. At the beginning there was nothing sexual about it. We talked about how we felt and about how neither one of us were willing to give up our current situations. He had become very religious and this ate at him terribly and myself as well. We were the best of friends and could talk about anything. We could look at each other and not have to guess what the other was thinking. Things began to get a little physical and we both agreed to cut off contact with each other time and time again. We would yell at each other for hours over ways to keep our friendship without having these feelings. Nothing worked and we would always find ourselves meeting and rehashing things until we were both in tears. We met for the last time and said our goodbyes, again nothing too physical. He admitted that I was too much of a temptation for him and he couldn't continue to live this way. He simply wasn't willing to leave his twenty year marriage, and I would have been. I miss him very much and haven't heard a thing from him in six months. He has moved away again and I lost my best friend. Sometimes it's just better to leave things alone.
gynger gynger
26-30, F
Jul 12, 2011