I Think This Is GoodbyeI'm a little heartbroken today as realization sets in.
I asked him to let me go. Told him I wasn't strong enough to do it. I had tried to delete him many times but just couldn't. I asked him if he knew how much loving him was affecting my life now and he said "sadly yes". We talked for hours, never really resolving anything. Just more of me pouring my heart out. I had to lie down, the conversation had drained me. He came back online that night. We chatted about nothing and played some cribbage. It was like always, as if the earlier conversation never happened. We finished a few games and I haven't seen him online since and thats not like him so I'm wondering if he deleted me. After 26 years its hard to let him go. I know I asked him to but I had asked him many times and he couldn't do it. So why now?
I'm sitting here fighting the urge to call him or email him to ask him if this is really the end. I just wish he would have given me some warning, just told me that he was giving me space, anything. But now I sit here and wonder is this really the end? Will he show up next week? Next month? I know he's not gone forever, at least I hope not. We have never been able to stay apart for more than 6 months or so. I'm just having a hard time accepting that this could really be the end. I just want to cry. I fight back the tears because it would just be too hard to explain them to the wonderful man sitting here beside me who has loved me and supported me through all my madness.