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Nonexistent And Yet. . .

I know everyone says when your young, you don't really know what you want. Maybe I don't. But…I do know what I feel.
I never dated him, but we were very good friends–the best of friends. I really wanted us to be so much more–and I got those vibes that said he wanted it, too. But he never acted on it. The most I did was try to get closer to him. He made my legs go weak whenever he hugged me out of nowhere. And now he's graduated. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I don't know for sure if I was in love with him, but even now, I can't stop thinking about him. And I find myself reading his last message to me in my yearbook over and over again. I'm so confused, and I don't know what to do. Why can't I let him go, when I know I probably won't ever see him again?
Lostinfantisies Lostinfantisies 18-21, F Jul 3, 2012

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