Still Angry At Him

I'm still in this constant inner battle trying to not be mad at my father. A few months ago we thought he had a brain tumor and I was so filled with mixed emotions I didn't even know if I was sad or happy but when it turned it was just fluid in his brain it all went away and I stopped caring once again... Why do I do this?? I normally just try and blot everything out (my dad was a mentally abusive alcoholic) I can barely remember most of the things he did I just get the odd flashback of us sitting in the living room while he ranted on and on or me  being scared out of my wits.

I completely snapped at my mum the other week when she had the cheek to tell me my dad wanted to talk about me about my "stupid choice to drop out of college" I got so angry I mean who the **** does he think he is telling me how to run my life when he was the one who ballsed it up from day one? And who is only in my life currently for about half an hour a week!? Just things like that can set me off in a full emotional rollercoaster.

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1 Response Feb 9, 2009

BULL **** - Your happiness is up to you. Excuse my profanity, but I had to get your attention. I go by Christian princilples so "Honor your fathe and mother," are two of my guideposts. Yet, your happiness is the first thing you should worry about. Make youself happy. The rules do not say, love your father and mother or give your father and mother anything -- they say honor. To me honor means do what your parents need. I want you to concentrate on your own happiness. When you are happy and have a little to spare, send that extra happiness to your parents. Honr them, but realize that to honor them doesn't mean you have to make yourself unhappy. TAke care. God bless you.