My Friend Let Me Down

Hi everybody,

One of my best friend broke up our friendship and it takes a lot of time to heal. In fact she lives in another country than mine and I visited her several times.
Last November we had a misundersanding on Facebook and there was something not clear from her. I just tried to ask her some explanation and after a last call the next month where she was screaming and interrupt me  on the phone I did not hear about her anymore. In fact I visited her in October and while she was nice, the next minute she sent some unpleasant remarks and upon my return I talked to her about that and told her that there was a behaviour that I could not accept from her. In fact I never understood why she was sometime harmful, belitteling me. She gave me the silence treatment for several months and in April I received email she wanted to break up. She reproached me to be unstable, immature while I tried to keep contact with her.
I can tell you I suffered a lot because I did not do anything wrong, I have been franck with her. She talked behind my back to one of her friend (very easy when this other friend was not here like a witness...).
It is not easy to accept a sudden break up, while I am opened to dialog. But I will never regret what I said to her and I think she just needed a good lesson. Hearing from her, it is always the others who are not good enough : immature, not this, not that,  she used to criticise her husband, acquaintances, etc..and then she reproches me to criticise her just because there is an inacceptable behaviour from her..
belittling my because I am not married and I have no child and she thinks that single people have no responsability...
In fact she told me breaking up the relationship because I am not stable for her and she cannot trust. I also had a strong depression in November and she was absolutely not a good support. No nice word just some words like a slap on my face. But we also had really nice time together

Have you already experienced this kind of relationship ? I dont know why she needed to belittle me while I am a nice and opened person.

I know that she does not deserve my friendship anymore but I still have a lot of emotional pain....

Enjoy talking with you :-))
Spicyindia Spicyindia
36-40, F
5 Responses Aug 2, 2010

I think she scared because I became anger when I felt belittled and I my reaction was just normal. And as soon as we do not live in the same country, perhaps that emails bring confusion and misunderstanding. I was wondering if it should be a good idea to have a face to face with her if I plan visiting her country again (3 hours by plane from my country).<br />
Sometimes she looked very happy about hearing from me and sometimes it was like if she didnt need me and I do not understand this behaviour.<br />
I was just very happy to share with a cheerful person, we used to laugh a lot together and as I am a loyal person I offer my friendship.<br />
It is finally difficult to know how she is and this is the problem with a long distance relationship. Written has no emotion, the other can interprete your words in a wrong way that is why I was wondering if a face to face should be a good idea. What do you think ?<br />
<br />
Thanks again for your nice messages :-))

Yes. It is a toxic person especially when they hurt you. If the person will give no explanation for their actions...nor make time for you ... it is a done deal.<br />
<br />
Dont feel bad I just went thru that myself in that we were together almost daily for 6 months and then overnight he decided it was over. I am devastated too.<br />
<br />
Whatever the outcome, I will pray for you. Take one day at a time.<br />
<br />

Hello and thank you for your messages. It is true I can control my behaviour and the most important<br />
is that I can be busy and look in the future. But it takes time to grieve, because she was really a nice person for three years and I don't know why she turned. It helps me more in my decision when I know that despite I try to show her the facts she absolutely does not apologize. She just say that I am too sensitive or a sentence like "oh if I have to walk like on eggshell with you" while her behaviour was really harmful. She does not feel concerned at you think it is a "toxic person" ?

this is a hard situation...but it sounds like you have a clear head on your shoulders, and are looking at the situation in the right seems like she is in the wrong and you could use a better friend...good luck.

It is very difficult to let go of a relationship where the other party makes a decision for both of you.<br />
Sometimes the other person refuses to see both sides and due to being overwhelmed in other areas of their life, choses to walk away.<br />
<br />
While you cannot control what she does, YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR behavior. If you have given your best and tried to talk it out and she no longer wants contact, walk away.<br />
<br />
It is unhealthy to say the least to continue where the other party does not care. Give yourself time to grieve and then move on. Best of luck BEV