Rendered Distance - Or Scapegoat?

Is there anyone else out there who feels distanced from life and you think it might be because of experiences you've had for which you got no sympathy or understanding.?

Thats how I feel a lot of the time.  Like something bad will happen and someone will say, "It's not about you" etc etc. I mean even if it isn't about me personally, it doesn't mean I don't feel it. You can't switch off your feelings whenever you choose, just like you can't close your ears when you don't want to hear something. I bet if my Dad died someone would say: @What's wrong with you, stop feeling sorry for yourself"

I bet someone is even thinking right now, "get a life, you loser."

Josephine Josephine
41-45, F
8 Responses Aug 7, 2007

I spent many years , in fact from when I started school thinking I was different to everyone else and that they all somehow understood things and I didn't , somehow they "got it" and I didn't, coming from an ethnic background (Italian) and growing up in Australia, somehow gave credence to my feelings of being different, to counter these feelings I tried all the more to fit in, firstly by being extra good, and later at being extra bad, I ended up seeking solace from drugs, firstly pot and a little liquor, then a bit later graduating up to herion, I stole to support my drug use and still trying to "be bad" ended up robbing a petrol station. I went to jail for a couple of years ( still didn't feel like I fitted in) and on my release really felt that I couldn't go on unless I was stoned, More robberies this time banks, more jail this time five years and still felt so uncomfortable being me, Much to my families dissapointment the pattern continued , my third sentence was 18 years of which I served 9. Each time I was released I had good intentions but I was still relying on drugs to make me feel O.K. and when I would run out of money I would say to myself that it was either steal some money or put a rope around my neck, so robbing banks became a little easier to do. Anyway during my 9 year stretch I tried in earnest to kill myself , I wont go into a lot of detail but I had a large ammount of pure heroin during evening lock-up and there was no way I should of survived, and yet the next morning the paramedics were able to start my heart again( although I remained in a coma for a few weeks) I came out of this and for the first time "I must be here for a reason, otherwise why would I have survived .Anyway to cut a long story short that was back in 93 I was released in 2000 and I'm still around now, but nearly every group I've been to N/A etc I keep hearing the same thing from people with drug and alcohol issues ,they all felt like they didn't fit in with everyone else at sometime in their lives, and truth be known it isn't just people with these issues that feel like this, I think nevryone does at sometime, it is only when you know this that it becomes easier to deal with. All the best DV866

I wish that life was just much easier than it really is. If you need someone to just listen, I'll listen (read).

I feel like this right now at this minute! Been very tearful, we're in the process of having our home repossessed and all my husband keeps saying is it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself, it's not just all about you......of course, then the guilt sets in that I could be so selfish, and result-I feel even worse!!

I definitly feel that way.I don't think anyone truly understands me

I am learning (taken awhile) to not worry about what others say, do or think. I try very hard to be kind and gentle with myself. I have accepted that I am a bit of a loner. I like close, intimate relationships. I am discovering me and happier every day.<br />
I hear ya and I understand.<br />

Maybe being positive all the time isn't healthy lol! Your not a loser. We as life forces need affection, understanding, and love. It is about you. It is your life. Sure our lives affect others but, most of them have no idea whats going on in your life. YOU are the one who has to live with yourself. I feel very distanced from life at times and I am glad I do! Joy

I thank you for your comment When I wrote I was feeling unusually distant and disappointed. Though like you I do have interests in life that don't include human relationships.<br />
My dog, my cat, nature, books, and all the usual suspects. It gives me strength to think I am not alone in my struggle with human relationships and I thank you for that.

That's not what I'm thinking (your last line). I have the same problem. It does tend to leave a person feeling disconnected, when no one seems to understand.... They probably can't even if they tried. Some of those people are probably trying to say something helpful at least and maybe we can give them a point for that.... Sometimes, maybe, someone will understand some things about us--but I wonder if we'll recognize or believe it.... Human relations--such a difficult thing, and I generally feel better when I just forget about it and do something I can plain and simply enjoy--but that may not be the right choice for everyone.