My Daughter Cuts

my daughter cuts herself as a form of self mutilation. i don't know how to reach her. she is 15 and i know she is trying to reach out for help, yet she won't talk to me about it. her answers are always "i dunno". i want to take her to our doctor and get referred to someone who can reach her, but i don't think she'll go.  she has lots of freedom, we do share laughs at times. yet her left wrist looks like a road map. if i don't try something , i will spend the rest of my life wondering why i didn't do something more. i'm beginning to wonder if her former stepdad did something to her. i was recently informed that he hit her,  i am starting to think maybe he did something more.... i never knew being a mom was going to be this hard.  i don't sleep much, i have my own anxiety issues, so this isn't helping.  this isn't about me, so i have to put all that aside and focus on her.
prettyinpink prettyinpink
46-50, F
12 Responses May 18, 2007

my stories might help you understand. maybe not, but it could. i struggle with cutting as well. i truthfully dont want to stop.

i would read your stories...but your profile is restricted apparently

sorry. is there a way to make it unrestricted?

maybe go to accounts?...not sure

My daughter cuts at the age of 13!! Being a parent of a cutter is so hard to understand. Where did I go wrong, what did I do wrong, what haven't I done for her??? These are just a few questions that I ask myself often. I would absolutely lose my mind if anything ever happened to her. I Love my daughter UNCONDITIONALLY!!! Not a day goes by that I am not worrying about her. Every time I ask her why she does it she answers me the same way your daughter does... "I DUNNO". It breaks my heart to know that my daughter is going through something and the only way she can deal with it is to hurt herself. I would give anything if I could just fix things for her and make her life easier!!

well concernedmama...as this story was written quite some time ago..let me maybe ease your mind a little. She's now almost 21, works full time, and is a very emotionally healthy young lady!..don't get me wrong it took lots of time and frustration to finally get to the root of her issues...she never wanted to talk about anything, i think out of embarrassment, so one day i asked her to write down on paper what might be bothering her.....so she did!.......after she agreed to counselling, and it's been all uphill since then....don't give up on your daughter....keep making sure you're there for her, and you support her no matter what.....(hugs)

As a mother of children today, we go through so much! This one is scary, please insist she see or talk to someone. Will pray for her and for healing in her life. Meantime Mom, you provide the shelter, food, clothes,etc. If she won't open to you, buddy her with someone she can talk too. Let me know how she is doing

perhaps be in an environment where your daughter is more comfortable to talk in? If she's into talking then what about pen and paper for starters, it might sound odd being in the same house but a one on one talk can be quite confrontational. You said you guys share laughs, find out her hobbies, take her out and develop a bond in a hobby that gives good bonding time. Wish you & your daughter all the best

i used to self harm alot when younger, if im honest, i still do. im not so sure about the other comment here saying that if she didnt want you to know, she'd cover them up. sometimes you cant always do that, especially when living in the same place. it makes me feel warm that you are trying to intervene. ive never had that and probably secretly craved it. i would say 15 is still quite young and a very confusing time, and in a way, physical pain is something real to focus on. a distraction. its most likely shes avoiding some other situation. but dont force it out of her because its most likely she will get defensive and then feel guilty for making you feel worse etc. i think counselling is the way to go, but that cant be forced either. its tricky. but dont ignore it.

This is a topic I can DEFFINITLY help on. I am not much older than your daughter, and have been through that exact spell. <br />
The thing is, if she DIDN'T want help, she would hide her cuts. I was like that. I would attempt to cover them, but not with long sleeve shirts or wristbands. I wanted my mom to see what I was going through. And doing so, she said I MUST go to counseling...and which I gladly excepted. I NEEDED a way to understand what was happening. My best friend dying, the way the boyfriends were acting. My counselor helped me sort everything out. And she was sworn to secrecy not to say anything to my mom unless I was harming myself with drugs or alcohol, something about suicidal, or other ways that could lead to my physical harm. Other than that, everything I said was between me and her. sure, it took me a while to get used to sharing my feelings with a complete stranger. But, she ended up being one of my best friends. I would walk into her office and right off the bat start talking about what was bothering me.<br />
Anyway, enough about me, I'm sorry. But, if your daughter didn't want your help, she would cover her wrists. She either wants you to know she's having a hard time...or wants you to feel bad. But letting her loving mother see her scabbed wrists that looks like raw meat...is wrong. I never let my mom see the bad ones I had. And with the counselor, the counselor insists on seeing your wrists every time you visit. Which made me stop cutting because I would feel ashamed to let her see my wrist. Trust me, counseling is your best bet. Tell her if she won't go, she can't go to that sleepover her friend is having, or to see that new movie out. Limit her freedom until counseling doesn't seem so bad after all...and it really isn't. <br />
<br />
Good Luck!!

This is a topic I can DEFFINITLY help on. I am not much older than your daughter, and have been through that exact spell. <br />
The thing is, if she DIDN'T want help, she would hide her cuts. I was like that. I would attempt to cover them, but not with long sleeve shirts or wristbands. I wanted my mom to see what I was going through. And doing so, she said I MUST go to counseling...and which I gladly excepted. I NEEDED a way to understand what was happening. My best friend dying, the way the boyfriends were acting. My counselor helped me sort everything out. And she was sworn to secrecy not to say anything to my mom unless I was harming myself with drugs or alcohol, something about suicidal, or other ways that could lead to my physical harm. Other than that, everything I said was between me and her. sure, it took me a while to get used to sharing my feelings with a complete stranger. But, she ended up being one of my best friends. I would walk into her office and right off the bat start talking about what was bothering me.<br />
Anyway, enough about me, I'm sorry. But, if your daughter didn't want your help, she would cover her wrists. She either wants you to know she's having a hard time...or wants you to feel bad. But letting her loving mother see her scabbed wrists that looks like raw meat...is wrong. I never let my mom see the bad ones I had. And with the counselor, the counselor insists on seeing your wrists every time you visit. Which made me stop cutting because I would feel ashamed to let her see my wrist. Trust me, counseling is your best bet. Tell her if she won't go, she can't go to that sleepover her friend is having, or to see that new movie out. Limit her freedom until counseling doesn't seem so bad after all...and it really isn't. <br />
<br />
Good Luck!!

I feel for you. One thing I have to say that may help matters, your daughter is still at an age that you can reach her. Mine is 17, going to be 18 in Sept and I just found out all the scars on her arm are from cutting. She cannot wait to move out, and I feel she is lost. Please just be patient and be so happy that you have found this disorder at an age that you can do something about it. After reading your story I decided to join this group, I really hope the support helps you.

It's real tough to be a parent, especially to teenagers. They go through so much change that it's hard for them to understand it all. It's a very scary time for them and us. This cutting business is very scary to me because I have never experienced it. I feel for you and your daughter.<br />
<br />
Trust your inner guidance. <br />
<br />
This is a great site for support and love and I see from the previous postings that it is true. Some great help and advice. Take what you need from it. Believe in yourself. We can only do our best.<br />
<br />
"We don't need to have to know how, all we need is willingness."<br />
<br />
What I would suggest would be to seek professional advice on how to help her. How to deal with this. The professionals are trained to help and most likely would have very good advice for you. And again, take what you need from it. It will help ease this burden.<br />
<br />
Blessings

It's real tough to be a parent, especially to teenagers. They go through so much change that it's hard for them to understand it all. It's a very scary time for them and us. This cutting business is very scary to me because I have never experienced it. I feel for you and your daughter.<br />
<br />
Trust your inner guidance. <br />
<br />
This is a great site for support and love and I see from the previous postings that it is true. Some great help and advice. Take what you need from it. Believe in yourself. We can only do our best.<br />
<br />
"We don't need to have to know how, all we need is willingness."<br />
<br />
What I would suggest would be to seek professional advice on how to help her. How to deal with this. The professionals are trained to help and most likely would have very good advice for you. And again, take what you need from it. It will help ease this burden.<br />
<br />
Blessings

Wow that is a tough thing to have to go through! I hope she is alright! I know raising a teenager is difficult enough without having to worry about them hurting themselves. I will say a prayer for her that you will hear from her soon. Its the weekend so maybe she is just hanging out with friends. I know its enough to worry you sick but hang in there my friend! I'm here if you need to talk.

I'd love to help to. Just want to share a little cause I used to cut to for a long time. And I never wanted my mum and dad to know it cause I didn't want them to feel guilty or worried because of me. I couldn't stand my parents feeling bad because of me. And talking about that kind of stuff with my mum intimidated me. I preferred to talk about it with my friends. In the end there was a point when it was all too much and I needed to see a counsellor and I told my parents that I couldn't stay afloat any longer alone and that I needed professional help. Still I never told them that I used to cut myself... I think it is really hard to talk about that with your mum... but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. But maybe one hint from me: Don't ask her "why" she does it. Cause no one who cuts can say that properly and the questions intimidates. Ask her if she feels bad and then ask her why she feels bad. I think that's easier. Good luck.