I Can't Tell You.. This Jumbled Up Mess That Is My Insides.. I Can't Tell You..

Sure, this may be a jumbled up story, but I figure ranting away my thoughts is better than leaving them in my head to decay further and cause more bodily destruction..

I stop myself sometimes.
I hold myself back.. I hold myself back from feeling what I should be feeling..
I'm afraid of being hurt again.
I'm afraid of what could happen.
I won't let myself out of my own grip..
I hold myself back from falling.. Falling for someone.. Falling in love.. Just falling period..
I don't feel worthy.
I don't feel like I'm worth it one bit.
I don't feel lovable..
I have never felt lovable.
I feel very unlovable..
I'm not a great person... I have plenty of **** wrong with me.. All I tend to do is cause problems.. I take people's happiness.. I **** up everything I try to say.. I hurt people without even trying to..
I cry too easily.. I cry too much..
There's just so much wrong with me..
I'm reminded plenty of how much of a disappointment I am.. How much no one wants me..
I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I see no point in trying to continue living..

I can't remember what it feels like to love. Or who knows, it might be far back in a tiny crevice in the back of my head somewhere..
I'm not worth it..
I just end of hurting people..
I always end of liking people who are completely likable.. I'm not likable. They have plenty of people after them.. And I'm no match..
By chance that they actually take a liking to me... I am forced so hard to resist just sprinting in the opposite direction... I'm not great.. I don't want to hurt people.. And others are far better for them than I am.. Everything in me just wants to take off.. Running full force away..
I never feel good enough..
I'm not..

All I do is hurt others..
I don't want to fall for them.... I don't want to hurt them...
I don't know what to do...

I can say so easily everything I feel.. But deeper feelings will never surface..
I'm afraid..
I'm lost.
And completely clueless..
Ariesgrl21 Ariesgrl21
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 12, 2012

people arent complicated aries. they feel generally the same inside. take confidence that anything you do is ok as long as it is meant well and be damned those who look to hurt. Your job is to be the best you can be.

I suppose I find myself complicated.. I mean well, very very well.. But somehow I seem to mess up everything I try to do or say.. I try to be the best and so many others have said my best is not best or not good enough..>

(My 'squinty' face didn't go through...not sure why, it's something about EP.. T_T So sorry for the random half face at the end.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPBwXKgDTdE Nah. You are the best thing that's ever given me this much affection!

You. Are. A dork d:

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