In a Dark Place

i see to be a bit neurotic i dont know why i cant do what i used to do i feel so alone i think about what a failure i am cant snap out of it i hate myself everything in my life is so messed up my mother died 2 years ago we never talked before she died i feel guilty she never loved me i have a daughter in jail i am going broke sending money another daughter who hates me i have a granddaughter i dont know and does not want me in her life i had my only best friend die 2 years ago i dont know maybe this is karma i am scared at times becausr i cant think i guess i desrve such a miserable life dying a slow death

cbusias cbusias
51-55, F
4 Responses Mar 4, 2009

without fullfilling relationships it is difficult to live life to the fullest i am also going through almost same situation which made me depressed i can under stand u<br />
have faith in god

oh god reading sum of ur comments makes me feel like i wish i could help u all and make the unfortunate things in ur life go away,i carnt say i know how u feel but i can try an understand,as im in a bit ofa mess and think i have been for a while and i carnt make any sence of it i just try and carry on as normal,we think we are alone but were not and i will listen to u.xx

So sorry to hear about all of the crappy things! I can't say that I understand those particular things, however~I have experienced and still experiencing crappy things in my life. Four failed marriages that included beathings, sexual malisting two of my granddaughters, drinking, and one real bad choice/mistake! Well, guess there all mistakes! LOL! I am dealing with some major health issues, living alone and lonely, wondering what my purpose is, not aging gracefully, don't want to grow up, want to do the things that I used to do but my body says NO, and feeling pretty worhless at times. I live on SS disability income, have a junky car, don't have much motivation, energy, and times just feel like giving up! I think I can relate with some of your feelings. I keep praying for some answers, but so far nothing. I have read a couple of self help books that help a little. I recently went to the Dr. to try to see if I need some changes in some areas. Will be doing some tests, and perhaps doing some aqua excersizing. I have gotten in a rut of not being around people much, and when I do, I am so excited, that I talk too much! <br />
I am sure that we will talk again. I am just getting ready for bed, and ran accross your story, and felt that I wanted to say YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! I am sending you a hug!

I know how you feel.<br />
I been depressed all most all my life.<br />
<br />
I all most land group home.<br />
<br />
I learn to accept the things around me.<br />
<br />
And go and look for friends to be with<br />
And get in voled with other people.<br />
<br />
Your not alone.<br />
<br />
I been there and so have lot of people<br />
<br />
I could not do this .<br />
<br />
I look my self in the mirrow and tell my self I am a good pereson.<br />
<br />
If you can't then do some thing with your body and hair and I did and I made it the way I wanted it .<br />
<br />
And now I love me.<br />
<br />
For me is getting out.<br />
<br />
i am here for you to talk to .<br />
<br />
hang in there and things are going to be ok<br />
<br />
you mint need some medicine to help yoiu.<br />
go to your doctor and see what you need.<br />
<br />
Hang in there<br />
<br />
Lashanda