Sleep, Beautiful Sleep
I love sleeping, when I can get it. The problem is that I'm an extremely light sleeper and wake frequently through the night. So even when I am asleep, I never get those desperately sought after R.E.M.s. I wake up at the sound of a pin drop. I wake up unprovoked most often about 3 AM and then I'm wide awake for hours.
For the past 4 nights it's been impossible to sleep. Just as I'm starting to drift off, my body starts twitching - almost like when a baby startles in her sleep. I'm now starting to wonder if it's something that has to do with post traumatic stress disorder? I don't know. But I know that I've always had a pattern of not feeling safe when I sleep and I know that's the reason that I'm such a light sleeper.
When I was a child, I was sexually abused and on several occasions from the ages of 3 to 5 yrs, a babysitter attempted to suffocate me with a pillow while I was napping. On top of that there was an awful lot of violence in my household after "the kids went to bed", so the environment wasn't always conducive to sweet dreams, lullabies and counting sheep.
So, who knows...maybe my inability to sleep has to do with that, or maybe it has to do with physical changes, or medication that I'm taking, or the current stress that I'm under with what seems to be a roller coaster of relational changes. But I'm going to go see the doctor tomorrow morning and maybe I'll get something more than just Ambian thrown at me - maybe I'll actually get a permanent cure? I doubt it though.