Not that it's new. I gave myself insomnia while a freshman in college, a short yet oh so long year ago. This summer of 2014 went by too fast. I floated along on Cloud 9 thinking life would always work out. Joey and I, the new ultimate duo, always finding a way to see each other and make it work, and we made it work fabulously.

And then I slammed face first into reality.

We had to move out of our home, the home that was never really ours, but it was home to me. I grew up there. The majority of what little memories I have are from there. And I couldn't stop the stupid zoo owner from buying the land and ultimately forcing us out. We moved into my grandma's house, which is literally right down the road, a mere five minute walk from my old hous. She can't breathe and has been in and out of the E.R., and now we're taking care of her. I don't know if it's less or more bills, but I do know that I ******* can't stand not being able to sleep beside my dogs: my babies, my best friends, the only beings in this world that have never cut me down or shown me anything except unconditional love.

My dad will never call me and will never love me enough to stop drinking. And I hope I'm an alcoholic. I can't spend the rest of my life knowing that something about me is so horrible someone can't stand to be around me without having some sort of impairment.

My mom is still depressed. Which I hate. I can't fix it, just cry about it.

My eczema is flaring up worse than ever before and it just hurts to even look in the mirror. I'm so uncomfortable. Help me.

And I'm terrified that I'm going to lose Joey because he admitted he's afraid to commit. It's been a wonderful almost 7 months for me, but it's killing me to think that one day he won't want to be with me anymore and i'll be so sad again

I just want to drink until I blackout and hopefully choke on my own vomit because i don't even know why i bother getting up in the mornings
SarabearPark SarabearPark
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 24, 2014