Cheap Guy

We all know Cheap Guy. Some of us act like Cheap Guy every now and then, but most of us cannot match the absolute stinginess, greed, and cheapness of a true Cheap Guy.

Cheap Guy doesn’t understand the concept of giving. The only thing he understands about giving is that if he short-changes you on a gift and you give him something nice - he wins.

His goal every day is to get the most, for the least. Cheap Guy’s main M.O. is to mooch. If you are his roommate, WATCH OUT!! He will be late with rent money every month and will short change you on the bills. He will eat your food out of the refrigerator. He will never pay his full share at a restaurant and will rarely buy a round of beers (but when he does buy a round, he makes sure everyone knows about it). He will always say he’s not hungry when you order a pizza, and then ask for a slice later on. He will always owe you money and when you ask for him to pay up, he will act like you are stealing from him.

Cheap Guy has needs, and he doesn’t want to pay for them…He wants YOU or anyone else to take the bill.

Cheap Guy is so cheap….

He doesn’t tip waiters and waitresses.
He always orders off the “Dollar Menu” or “Value Menu”.
He never orders a drink at a restaurant - “Water is fine”.
If he ever offers to drive, he will ask for gas money, even if the trip was less than 5 miles.
He always wants a bite of your sandwich or a sip of your drink.
You will find him over-indulging at any event that offers free food or drink.
If he knows you have more money than him, he will expect you to buy him things.
He will routinely “forget” his wallet when going out, forcing you to pick up his tabs.
His doesn't own a single brand name product.
He keeps his apartment cold as ice in the winter and hot as balls in the summer.

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DrugCritics DrugCritics
22-25, M
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

This link is not working! Have you been cheap and saved yourself a few characters? ;-)<br />
We all know these types, I have known three of them up to now. One, in high school, was a friend wo liked to sit down in cafes but did not order anything. It was very embarrassing when the waitress took my order an then Christine said: O no, nothing for me, thank you! She had learnt it at home: For years, her parents had been borrowing my parents' hiking equipment (backpacks, tent, sleeping bag, you name it) for their holidays, always with the excuse that they did not know whether they would stick to hiking. These people, on the other hand, dressed expensively, but they never spent money on anybody else.<br />
Then there is also Bruno, who wears the workwear his employer gives him 24/7, and has a digestion like a boa constrictor - meaning he can fast for a fortnight with ony a yoghurt a day (bought cheaper after best-before-date) and then devour the whole buffet when invited to a party, without getting sick. Argh! During his lifetime, he had managed to earn and save almost a million euros three times, but three divorces left him on the dry. <br />
Then I know a man who is the honest variety of cheap - he waits outside the pub while the others are inside, and he does not accept anything from you, not one beer, not one ice cream, because he will not invite you in return. When he had to buy a new hand break cable for his bicycle and it was too long, he left the surplus part, neatly coiled, in place, explaining that when the cable frayed at one end, he would be able to pull it lower. He kept himself apart from women (too expensive, especially when breeding) and the bad thing was that he also saved on his dental repair work, which made him look really, really ugly. But because he was handy and always willing to help, we would have liked him to accept a beer when we all had one, but - no way.<br />
Now, money might be the blood of our social persona, and these people must be controlled by enormous amounts of shame and fear. They annoy me, but sometimes it is funny to bait them. When all is said, I am happy I am not one of them.