1 Year

My BIL came to Australia 3 years after we moved here. We decided that he should stayed with us. At the beginning was difficult (getting used to a new person in the house). He is not very helpful and he doesn't care about anything of the house, apart from giving money for the rent.
He is really helpful with his brother, so his plan has been making his brother happy, but he doesn't really care about me at all. At the beginning, he didn't clean anything in the house, he used to cook and left everything dirty for days. My hubbie and I started having problems because of that. He told me that sometimes I asked to much. So I stopped, I didn't say anything about organizing and helping till today, however the amount of help that I received from him in the minimum. I know that I should have tell him to leave a long time ago. And I think I just want him to leave and not seeing again.

Sometimes I feel that my husband hasn't realized that he got married and that should be his priority.
What to do? I really love my husband and I don't want to hate my BIL which at this time I feel that is almost impossible
1year 1year
2 Responses Dec 13, 2012

It is definately hard for you and your husband to be in this situation.
However, your husband has to realize that he is married. And once you do that, your loyalties are to your spouse.
Second: It is YOUR HOUSE....therefor, they are YOUR RULES.
If you want your house to be a certain way (clean and organized) then your BIL has to follow. And most importantly, your husband has to support you.
And no...you do not ask for too much when you ask people to clean after themselves.
BTW what is he doing there living with you guys?? What are his plans? does he have a job? something? it is an awful lot of time to be as a "guest" at someone's house...
Talk to your husband and lay some ground rules.

The mutual decision for him to stay with you was an error. Once they have their foot in the door, it's 3 times as hard to get them to leave. Many will suggest that flattering him will somehow ease the situation but I feel this is a phony, painful way to get him "on your side". I've found the only remedy is to outsmart them.

Hi darkalley, can you please be more specific for remedies, how yo get tod of bol staying with us.