When Has It Gone Too Far?

I remember this one time when i was probably between 10 or 12 my dad got really mad at my mom. they were screaming and yelling i came upstairs from my room in the basement to see what was going on my dad was holding a knife, i think he would have stabbed her if my older sister weren't standing right there. after i came upstairs he left, i don't remember how long he was gone. i don't remember much about that night except for being scared for my mom and myself. during that time my parents were thinking about divorce. they didn't tell me that themselves because they hardly tell me anything, but my sister told me because her and my mom can talk about anything. i don't know why they didn't get a divorce but they're still together now, about 6 years later. My parents still fight a lot. over stupid things...my dad thinks he's better than everyone else. but their fights usually just consist of my dad yelling a bit then leaving to go get hooters and then ignoring her the next few days. but i will never forget i fight they had earlier this summer....my mom, dad, and i were on our way back from a festival. they had been drinking. we got to the parking garage and as i started to get in the car my dad pinned my mom up against a car screamed something, i couldnt understand what then slightly pushed her into the car and got in the car himself and slammed the door. the ride home was the scariest of my life. it was dead silent and he was speeding 20-30mph over the speed limit. it was raining and he kept running into the bumper. he was drunk and mad. i was cryying in the back seat but trying to keep silent. they didnt notice. once we got home. i ran into my room in the basement. my dad left with the car, but he soon came back because he forgot his wallet. when he couldnt find his wallet he accussed my mom of taking it. i'm not really sure what went on up there i just heard screaming and then i heard my dad;s motorcycle revving up in the garage...and my mom screaming. i thought he was running over my mom. the only thing i heard was "MOVE *****" from my dad and "NO, STOP" from my mom. i debated calling the police but i didn't want to make my dad more angry. eventually the motorcycle stopped and my dad left the house. i walked upstairs and looked out the window and saw him walking around outside but i couldnt find my mom anywhere. i thought he had killed her. i was hysterical. i found that my mom had locked herself in the bathroom. l talked to her for a little while but she soon left to go and look for my dad. the next day my dad wasn't home when i left for work. my mom had bruises on her legs that i didnt dare ask what they were from. i know that parent's fight but isn't this too far? why don't they get a divorce? 

i have nightmares from this night. i'm in tears as i type this. i dont know if i should go to counseling or who i should talk to? help!

pollypaquette pollypaquette
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 14, 2010

Hey Polly, Im so sorry to hear about your parents fighting. My parents also used to fight a lot and i forgot most of the details; over the years I have suppressed everything and I only remember me and my two younger brothers crying upstairs and holding each other while they would be screaming at each other downstairs and throwing things at each other - for hours and hours, over and over again.. Now that I'm 27 I'm still dealing with all this suppressed stuff - I havent been able to be in a normal relationship - I always end up with abusive men and I dont even know how to have a relationship that's based on love and harmony. <br />
So please dont bottle this up. I definitely think counselling will help you. Just talking to someone about all this. I never talked to anyone about it and now, more than 10 years later, I'm finally going to see a counsellor. Dont wait that long.<br />
there is also counsellng hotlines - some of them are free and they will be able to tell you what you can do and who you can talk to. sorry i wish i could be of more help - all i can say is to get help<br />
good luck