Grow Up

I am not going to go into too much detail considering that my SIL is on the internet 24/7 but I just need to vent...  My SIL is my husband's sister.  She is SO immature! She is a couple of years older than me yet she is always asking us for help with money, rides, or whatver else. We are not the only ones that she asks for help from. Super mooch!!! She is currently in the divorce process and I am pretty sure that she has still been sleeping with her "husband." Her parents paid for her legal fees and I don't think she really wants to be divorced from him but knows that no one in the family wants to be around him - plus her parents would be pissed if she went back with him considering they forked out $2,500 for her to get away from him.

She also sucks at money management. She conveniently runs out of money when it comes to things that should be priorities (gas money, rent, food, bills, etc, etc, etc) but she scrounges up money for other things she wants.

I just think it is ridiculous that everyone else in the family has to always "step up" or else we are not considered to be loving family members. This girl has had over a million favors done for her! The thing that ticks me off about that is that she doesn't appreciate it, she never helps out, and she is lazy. Even with all of the favors from her past, we still don't help out enough... according to her.

This is what I wish I could say to her...  UGGGHHHH!

Dear Loser,

Seriously, Grow up! Grow up! Grow up! I am so dam sick of all your whining, complaining, excuses, and drama that you create! Take some responsibility and be an adult. You always think that everything is everyone else's fault - but it is ALL YOURS! You created the situation you are in ALL BY YOURSELF! I am sure you will never realize this and I am sure that most of your family members will just keep enabling you, but I am just counting down to when I blow up and tell you how much you need to get a life. Oh, and for the record all of the talking about your family member's behind their backs will catch up to you - just wait. I wish I didn't have to be around you - EVER.


seriouslyannoyed seriouslyannoyed
5 Responses Mar 27, 2009

I know what you mean. I have an SIL like that. I really dread when she comes over, because she will,
1. Spend the whole time complaining about her problems, relationship, financial, etc. Hoping that hubby (her brother) will take pity and give her some cash to pay her tax bill.
2. Drink our wine and eat our food and then have the nerve to complain about not liking it. Totally rude, ungrateful piece of work. I'd love to tell her to f&* off, but I usually just try to make a joke of what she says and laugh at her.
3. Gather as much info. as she can and talk bad about other family members she doesn't like. She loves to turn people on one another.
4. Perhaps open drawers in my room and touch my stuff. I fkng hate that. I can't imagine going to someone's house, even one of my best friends, and going into their personal stuff. I'm a private person and I respect other people's privacy too.
5. Stay way, way too long, like hours sometimes

The worst thing is that her brother is in total denial about what a manipulative, scandalous, piece of shiz she is. When I point things out to him or I say something to her, I become the bad guy. It's really putting a damper on our relationship. The weird thing is that for many years, we would go years without seeing her a$$. DH didn't want much to do with her and vice versa. Now all of a sudden, since she's been divorced, she's coming around alot. It's like her relationship messed up, so she's on a mission to bring other people down with her. I can't stand that biztch, and I'm not the only one. One of his other sisters who I get along with fine feels the same way about her own sister. She likes to stir things up and be a rude pig, and her brother seems to support that now all of a sudden for some reason. When she comes over I just try to be polite and civil and let him deal with her. He used to dump her on me to deal with and I will not have it any more. I want nothing to do with entertaining her, talking to her beyond hello and goodbye, etc. She's all his now when she comes over, and that's just all there is to it. I don't know how else to handle the situation.

Ok. So dh and i finally had a discussion about this. He admitted that she gets on his nerves too, but she's his sister and she's always welcome here (which i thought was interesting because he has another sister who i happen to like alot who he wants nothing to do with). So I said "ok. that's great. i get it. but when she comes over, you deal with her. aside from being civil and polite like "hi" and "bye" i want nothing to do with her. i'm done with her. and i don't want her digging through my personal belongings." He was just really quiet and didn't answer. It's like he expects me to grin and bear that stupid shrew. Wow. So after nearly 10 years of relative happiness and peace, we're fighting over his idiot fkng sister. She would love it if she knew. Turning people on each other and casing strife is what she's best at.

Whoever told you to grow up needs to get a reality check!<br />
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I completely agree with your anger and frustration here. I honestly feel your pain. My SIL is the exact same way. She is married and he is in the military, so he obviously has to leave for long periods of time. That's not the problem. They cannot control their finances. First off, they have no money practically to begin with- but they sure spend it like they do...running up credit bills like no tomorrow. Then they expect everyone else in the family to feel pity for their mistakes and "help them out". They borrow money from everyone all the time- and are never held responsible for paying it back. That wouldn't be so bothersome to me if it stopped there, but it doesn't...<br />
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When she first got pregnant, he had to leave for Afghanistan. We felt guilty and allowed her to stay with us during the pregnancy, up till the baby was 2 1/2 months old and her husband returned. I paid all the higher utilities, cooked her food, and she even made me buy her diapers and other crap. Then she complained the entire time about being broke and not being able to shop! That's what happens when you don't have money! Also, she didn't pay us a dime during this entire time. Grrr! Anyway, they moved back to ba<x>se when he came home and have been living there for 3 months- having my in-laws pay their bills (because they feel sorry for them and their grandson). All while they go shopping, eat out everyday, and buy new clothes. My in-laws made her promise not to get pregnant again because they cannot afford another baby and my in-laws can't afford it, either. They said once he completes his tour of duty and they are financially stable, they can have more kids at their leisure. Sure, it sounds mean to make someone promise to not bear children. But when a couple isn't financially able to have kids and others bear the burden, this is not an unreasonable request (from my point of view).<br />
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I just found out yesterday that she is pregnant again. That means that she got pregnant within 2 months of him returning, even though they promised not to get pregnant again. So I have been told that she (and baby #1) will be moving in with us in a few months when he leaves for duty again. Then I'll have an extra 2 mouths to feed and another soon after. More diapers, higher utility bills, higher grocery costs...everything! All because my SIL and her husband are immature and irresponsible. The worst part is that I can't even complain about the situation, because then I get labeled as a bad SIL for not being "helpful in their time of need". I get to hear that we have extra $ and are able help, so we are obligated as good people are. I honestly wish I had no conscious and could get away with being such a horrible brat like my SIL and her husband.<br />
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I hope it makes you feel better to hear my story. You are not the only one who has to resort to venting on the internet about your family....

what does your husband say about all this??? your sil sounds awful. why do people like that think they have the right to make their brothers pay for them???

mine is currently unmarried and childless. i have made my husband promise to NOT support her if she does something stupid like not want to work etc...

she is a real piece of work. she enjoys telling me that whatever money our family has is my husband's money i.e. her big brother's money

even though i work too. when i politely pointed out to her that i work and not only do i work but my business has earned pretty good profit that's higher than her brother's (i was goaded into telling her this), she ignored me and continued talking about how i don't earn anything and it's all her brother's money

she protested when i registered my business officially (as if it was her business)

recently she has told me innocently that i should "think about becoming a mystery shopper and maybe earning a dollar or two to contribute to the family, my brother is working so hard"

i was totally speechless

Type your comment here...

My sister in law lives with her parents. My husbands parents with her daughter. No job and no plans for a job and she has been living with them for the last nine years. She called my husband the other day wanting money for her kid. Which I dont have a problem with its not my nieces fault and I dont want to see her suffer in her childhood bc my husbands father and mother are not willing to put the fire under their kid to get a job and grow up. I sometimes wish we could just take my niece and let her live with us. I asked my husband the other day what is going to happen if something ever happen to his parents with his sister. Where will she live? I just grow tired of being used by his side of the family but yet my husband thinks my family is terrible but yet they never call wanting money nor disrupting our household and things. They dont lecture my husband as on many times I have on my action toward my husband grown adult daughter. Which they dont know the whole story. They only here the princess side and side with her. I feel for you and the situation. I just try my best to take care of my little niece and ignore the other crap that comes a long with it. Its hard I know.

I love mine