18 Year Old From Hell

When I met my husband he was going through a divorce and had custody of his two boys. They were 1 and 3 at the time. I immediately bonded with them, and even quit my job to stay home with them. They were developmentally very behind and needed a lot of time and attention. Bio mom was a drug addict that could've cared less about the boys and the oldest, at 3 years old, didn't know how to talk. Anyway, as time went on and the boys got older and started school I went back to work. We did really well until the oldest turned about 14 or 15. Let me tell you, before I continue, that my husband is NOT a disciplinarian at all and I always had to be the bad guy. My husband always believed that he could just talk to the boys and that would fix everything. He did not enforce or come up with consequences. It has been the biggest issue in our marriage, and I have almost left twice because of it. We ended up in marriage counseling, and my husband finally realized that his children were not his friends, and that his attitude towards them was not healthy. He stopped buddying up with them, but he still hasn't ever disciplined them or enforced consequences. Anyway, my oldest started smoking weed, his grades bottomed out, he got arrested for shop lifting, and finally got kicked out of school. He did get his GED, and now works full time at my husband's business. I stay out of that arrangement. Last summer, at the end of august, my oldest abruptly moved out. 3 months later he was at our doorstep wanting to move back in. My husband allowed it, even though I said hell no. My stepson has to pay room and board and I will say that he's done this rather faithfully. His attitude and his behavior and mouth are horrible however, and I'm at my wit's end. He is lazy to the nth degree, he is constantly pushing the house rules, doesn't help around the house and has to be told things multiple times before he'll do them. He was offered TWICE that if he finished his driving school we would help him with a car, and he's done nothing. I want him out of my house, but my husband isn't on board with that. He tells me that our oldest just needs time to grow up a little more (A LOT) and that things will be fine in the end. I am tired of this kid's mouth, I'm tired of his disrespect, I'm tired of his arguing, and I'm to the point that I can't stand to even look at him. I love my oldest son, I truly truly do, and this is so hard, but I do not like him at all. I did not raise him to be the way he is. I took him to counseling but he refused to speak to the counselor. Our doctor diagnosed him with ADHD and depression but he refuses to take the medication he's been prescribed. I can't say this enough....I'm to the point that I want him out of my house.
karmazrevenge karmazrevenge
36-40, F
3 Responses Apr 27, 2012

DAMN if this doesnt sound familiar...Im in the same boat

Wow, there are so many parallels to my story, except my story has an extra 5 years tacked on. The 15-year-old here kept getting more and more out of control, my husband was not any kind of reasonable disciplinarian, and by the time the kid turned 16, he was a total lunatic, with terrifying anger fits, bringing his delinquent friends into our house (they would steal the other step-son's shoes and watches etc), and I finally put my foot down and said he couldn't bring his friends to the house for 6 months because they were cause the other step-son too much distress. My husband just idly twiddled his thumbs. One day the kid comes home and announces to his Dad that he's bringing his delinquent friends over, and I said no way, there were still 5 months on the no-friends rule, and the kid flipped out, said I had changed the rules, I was lying, etc. It escalated and by the end of the night he ended up telling me I was a ***** and he hoped I'd die a long slow painful death in a hospital. I told my husband there was no way I'd put up with this. My husband told him if he didn't smarten up, he'd have to move out. That night the kid went out, stayed out until 3 in the morning, forgot his key as usual, and started banging and kicking our door down. My husband let him in and told him he was on the verge of being booted out. Next day we found out he'd been failing in school as well (after increasingly abusive treatment of his teachers and principal, who tried to help him). The kid, knowing the rules were tightening up on him, went to his mother's (she had never raised a finger to help them while we were raising them) and I never saw him again. My husband was desperate to re-kindle a relationship with him, but the kid and mother wouldn't even let him know what school he was at. Finally the kid agreed to start seeing my husband again (it seems to me he was bribed with offers of help, meals, a computer, and god only knows what else). Now he's in university, and my husband, the kid and the other brother are all the best of friends, everybody's one big happy family, and I'm the one who's cast out.

The other step-son, who is 25 and still lives with us despite working full time, daily tries to manipulate my husband into agreeing to let him live with us for the rest of time. ("Why should I pay rent to a stranger." "Why should I work just to survive." "Why don't you put me on the mortgage so that I can pay you some money each month instead of paying rent.")

I haven't had any peace of mind since I met these people, and my husband hasn't had the insight or spine to help make it work. It is an endless, endless nightmare, and I would never in a million years ever do this again. I wish I'd never gotten involved with these people.

Girl I'm in the same situation, bin there since he was 4 now he's 14 and rude and disrespectful! He's always been a problem but stopped until now! Grades are also declining! N like u my husband treats him as his BFF then his child and I am both mom and dad basically the only disciplinary making me out to be the ad guy! And to me it seems thgs are getting worse then better! I hope things get better for the both of us!