I Often Wish To Become Terminally Ill...

i will not commit suicide because that would hurt too many people.  but i want my life to be over.  the pain and the anquish i have experienced has been too much to bare.  the main one is i dont feel loved.  the catch 22 is that i dont feel i can open to love either.  i am stuck on a past relationship and it is taking me for a ride.  some days are bliss, and i feel like it will all turn out ok with this person.  and some days i cannot stop crying--with no end of consollation.  i am spiritual and the message i keep getting is "you have to find your way out alone"....but i cant...or i havent been able to and i refuse to endure a lifetime of this anguish.  just when i think its over, it attacks me again.  i wonder if i will just lose it and jump off a cliff one day.  i am losing hope, joy and anything that used to mean something to me.  and nothing anyone says to me helps.  where are those people who welcome me with open arms when i need a sanctuary?  i know--they are far away because i ran awy from them because they all hurt me so much over and over and over. my entire family, my ex, everyone.  and then i got pathetic and stupid and sad.....if someone told me: your life is over today, i would be so happy!  i just want it to end.  nothing inspires me and i cant stop crying.  i want out. and i think we should have that right as humans, to end our lives when there is no where left to turn and you can barely function anymore.

painandjoy painandjoy
26-30, F
5 Responses May 5, 2010

I don't know that I can say anything to make you feel better. All I can say is how much I identify with this. I just want to stop crying.

i know how u feel i cant stop crying either my wife has not talk to me in three weeks i have no clue where she at i was in deeply in love whit her

Me too..

you don't have to get through this alone because God is with you. pray to God for help, He loves you and cares for you. ask Jesus Christ for help, for He loves you and will help you. God bless you...

Is this a recent breakup?