I Need To Get Over My Husband. But How?

i've been with my husband for 12 yrs now. we are almost hitting anniversary #8. we also have 2 little boys together. last yr, we separated and a lot of feelings were hurt...mostly mine. he got a new girlfriend, but that didn't last. this past feb, 8 months after the separation, we starting talking as friends again. as the months progressed, we started talking more and more. the issue of getting a new place and us becoming a family again was definitely on the table. even though we were getting along and contemplating getting back together, divorce proceedings were still going on. well, yesterday, i found out this ex of his had a baby last month, and my own husband is being named as one of the possible fathers. needless to say, that's all i had to hear. i am going though with the divorce, even though my husband does not want the divorce. i have already been granted the divorce, if i choose to do it, and a court date has been set for me and me only. problem is, i love this man so much, for some unknown reason. he had put me and the boys through hell and back this past yr. yes, we were separated at the time that this baby was conceived, but i am not the kind of person who wants to be raising her husband's illigitimate child. so if i made up my mind, why can't i stop crying over him? why do i love him so much? and why the hell do i feel myself wanting our life as a family back? i have done nothing but cry and throw up today. i can't take this anymore. i just want to feel like a normal person again. my kids were devistated when their dad left the house. how can i put them though this pain again? we never told them we were getting back together, but they saw us laughing and talking, etc, and i'm sure hope and prayers filled their little hearts. how can i get over him so i can be a good mom again?
cjposato cjposato 26-30 2 Responses Aug 22, 2011

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21 years ago my husband cheated on me. He left me with two small children. It seemed he walked out and did not want to know his children or me. I was heartbroken.

I soon heard he had move in with "the woman he loved". What was wrong with me? Then she was pregnant. I can't explain how i felt, there are no words, and sadly there are also no words of comfort. I wish there were. All I can say is please concentrate on the children, and not this man, who has broken your hearts. Let him dig his own hole. He is not important, he is a traitor. What ever you decide think long and hard. Could you be happy as a family again? I know I couldn't have forgiven and gone back.

I got by and so did the children. And now I wouldn't change us for the world. I have a great relationship with my two lovely grown up children and three grandchildren. I have a wonderful partner.

My ex is married to a woman much younger than him. They have three children (over the years he has fathered six). My children stay in contact with him, and he does not sound happy. The grand children don't even see him as a grandad figure. I can see that if we had stayed together it would not have been right, and that I could and did do better.

once a loser always a loser as you just found out