Can U Stop This?

I am sitting here crying I can not stop I have had a rough couple of years with my divorce remarriage loss of my mother, mother in laws and not to mention the numerous attacks on my personal self be it verbal or my own health issues.

I am getting ready to make a ultimate choice of moving to the country where I know two people outside my husband and step-son. I am trying to rebuild a deteriorating marriage and to my dismay I have sat here after a major blow out argument with my husband..I have no-one to talk to about this. Absolutely NO-ONE!

Through the latest events with my husband I ended up staying with my father and brother while things were getting "worked through" I have never had a "great" relationship with the other members of my family(females) The tend to care about only their little circle. After my mother passed I had a major fall out with all of them with the exception of  my g-mother. After a brutal rejection from her "I will never talk about that again" I stop all contact with her.

Because I made my life my children and they are now grown one married with a child of his own, one went to his father. I am here, no friends due to lack of socialization for fear of being hurt. 

I can not scream loud enough to release the emotions that only can be described as....worse than being lonely so what is a word for that.......****!!I hate this feeling!!!!! a computer can not hug you and say I understand the keys are not big enough!!

And if things could not be worse..I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalsia!!Ain't that a kick in the teeth!!!


tmmarion tmmarion
41-45, F
3 Responses Oct 29, 2009

U 2 are great for the comments to me. I often feel as though I am so alone. I truly am grateful that you notice the story fungirlmm, and crina. I thank you for the outreach. I will try to reach out more often here.<br />
And thank you for the "Hugs" big ones back to you both.

I second that! You are important and even though you can't hug a computer here is a hug for you *HUGS*<br />
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I am so sorry about the passing of your mother, I lost mine as well sad to say when she passed my sisters broke all contact with me, so I really have no family. <br />
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Your a good person who is just going through a rough time, tears have the power to heal and friends can be found in the strangest places. *S*<br />
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If you need someone to talk to please feel free to talk to me, I can understand the loss and sadness you feel as I have felt it myself. Grown or not your children love you hard when they leave the nest but you want them to fly.<br />
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Feel better soon *HUGS*

Well there is a person on the other side of the screen that will tell you that you are important and that you are making positive contributions to a community. It may not be a physical community and you need that too (and you will get back out there eventually) but it is still a community made up of caring individuals. <br />
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First, it sounds like you are uncertain about the marriage but you are going back to it because you feel like you have to give it a try. I am going to pray for you there because those are some tough circumstances to overcome but I will never say impossible.<br />
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Additionally your children. You have put all you have into them like a good mother would but now you have the opportunity to figure out who "littleone" is and what makes you happy. I think yours is a normal reaction to all the changes that have happened in your life. I know you think you are in a sad place but honestly this could be some of the greatest times in your life. You have a lot to contribute; I can see that from the stories you have posted here. Don't give up because I have a feeling you will make some dayum rocking lemon-aid out of all those lemons if you just give it time.