I Don't Know What Is Wrong With Me

I can't stop crying. I am crying right now. I can't stand it anymore. I can't study, I can't listen to classes, because I cry in the classes. I have been like this for a few years. My parents took me to a psychologist before, but she said that she doesn't want to be my psychologist anymore because I didn't show any progress. I just had a pretty bad break up (you can check it in my stories). Since I had problems with my ex, I cry much more than usual. Before, I used to cry 2-3 times a week, then it increased. Now I cry everyday, every night, in every class, more than 10 times a day. I don't have any friends now. I don't have anyone to talk. I got an appointment from a psychiatrist for tomorrow. I can't stand myself anymore. Sometimes I can't remember things, or what I did. I just find myself somewhere. I don't remember how I got there. I am a very hard person and no one likes me. No one talks to me. Only my parents and my relatives love me and that's only because we are related. I love them, too. If I knew my dad and my mother  wouldn't have an heart attack if they found out I committed suicide, I would do it without hesitation.

I need to study for my lessons but the only thing I can do is watching tv shows. That's the only way I can run away from myself. When I am watching, I stop thinking. At nights, I wake up and can't go back to sleep. My stupid brain won't stop working. I think a few years later, they might need to lock me up. I am afraid I'll hurt people.

hateboys hateboys
3 Responses Mar 16, 2010

I to keep crying im 13 and i keep crying this whole week i did it a few months ago and my mom told me i was growing up to fast and my grandma died a year ago and randomly i started crying about that and when i was thinking about growing up to fast i had fake nails riped them off took all the makeup i had was thinking about througing it out all the heels i have i hid them so i cant see them and i cant really leave my room or ill cry i dont feel like killing my self and i am very close to my mom and i never want to leave her please tell me whats wronge if u can help me out

Thank you for your comment. As always, I cried reading it as you might guess. I went to a psychiatrist this morning and he gave me a medicine. I started using it. I hope it'll work. <br />
<br />
I don't know why but it seems that even the people who say that he/she loves me somehow hates me later. I trusted so easily because I thought they were like me. And even the boy who I trusted and loved the most starts shouting at me and ignoring me and I don't even know why. You know how much it hurts not to know. It is like an unsolved issue and I can't move on until I solve this. I can't think of anything anymore. I used to be like this before but having someone who I love and loves me back was just really good. He made me feel good even I was always worried about something else. Obviously my mental health drove him away. It is a plus 100000000 to my already existing worries and illness. I guess it is the maximum I can take.<br />
<br />
I hope the medication works and I will be a little bit more like a normal person. But as I said, it won't happen until I solve this.

Hey there lonely girl !!! I'm in my mid 50s - to sound much too glib - you're too young to be feeling like this. Me, I'm old - with no husband and the one I did have - he treated me like dirt for 25 years. Then I fell out of the blue for a man who I dreamed could be interested in me - even the littlest of things made me think that maybe - just maybe he could be interested in me - turned out he was just making fun of me, laughing at me the entire time. But - please don't committ suicide - there have been times that I too have felt just like you. My brain is all messed up and I don't know where I put things, just 5 minutes ago. I cry all the time - just like you - I've always been like that - even in my teen years. I had a boyfriend who loved me a lot (even though he used to cheat on me) and he would call me at work and say, "Hi *&^% did you cry yet today?" He knew that I was always crying - my sister even used to tease me and ask how many times I'd cried thus far that day. You don't need to be locked up - you can get help. Doctors can prescribe medications to help your moods, but also those medications can alter the joy you might come to feel on any given day - so I personally don't recommend that. But - in all of my years what does really help is Vit B - like a B-Complex - it naturally helps the regulate the central nervous system which to some extent will help your brain to function more normally. Also, exercise will help. If you're skinny - - or tend to carry extra weight - it will help to regulate the hormones to where your brain will function better and your outlook will improve. Oh - you'll still cry - people like us are just born criers really - there are such people, I run into them all the time then we just have lunch and laugh about it. But you need to find some other people - who are like you - they are out there - but don't give up the ship. You're so young and your (varooms) are not sagging - - - which believe me is a good thing - you don't know how lucky you are. And with youth - well, you have a whole life ahead of you - me, I'm perhaps not in the winter years yet - but I'm definitely in the late fall of my life and my face has wrinkles (not much) but things begin to sag when in your mid 50s and it's just not that easy to attract a nice man like it used to be. So please give some of this a try. As for the shrinks - don't pay much heed to them, most of them are more messed up or as much so as the people they treat - how could that woman (or man) say such a thing that you weren't making any progress - - - she doesn't know what was in your heart or your mind - - - or even if she touched your soul in some way - just knowing that she cared about you. What a rotten thing to say and then on top of it - deliver a rejection such as that - as to say, she won't see you anymore. Nope - that's not right - that kind of stuff hurts to the core and you have been dealt a hard blow sister - - - - BUCK UP HONEY - coming from Ms. Whimp here - crying too - but don't let those people get you down - - - I like you, and I don't even know you and haven't even met you - if we met I'm sure I'd like you - and I'm sure there will be some more people who like you - - - yes, you're a whiner for now - - - but it's okay - - - you've got something to whine about and probably need some nutritional help - meaning that some of your crying spells are perhaps physiological induced as opposed to purely psychological. Do some research online - find what works for you - and begin taking some supplements and don't drink those diet sodas - those are the worst for you and don't smoke pot either - that does horrible things in terms of depression - - - so if you're doing either or both of those - - - well, that's a no brainer. Sorry - - - but in order to be happy you've got to give up some things and see if over a period of few months after cleansing a bit - you won't feel better - it's your life and believe me - going to an institution even for a week is a nightmare and a half. You'll find that there are people in there - that are completely out of this world - people you don't even want to look at in the hallway - so don't even think about going there. Take Care - - - Cheer Up - - - Somebody Up There Loves You.