I Don't Know What Is Wrong With Me
I can't stop crying. I am crying right now. I can't stand it anymore. I can't study, I can't listen to classes, because I cry in the classes. I have been like this for a few years. My parents took me to a psychologist before, but she said that she doesn't want to be my psychologist anymore because I didn't show any progress. I just had a pretty bad break up (you can check it in my stories). Since I had problems with my ex, I cry much more than usual. Before, I used to cry 2-3 times a week, then it increased. Now I cry everyday, every night, in every class, more than 10 times a day. I don't have any friends now. I don't have anyone to talk. I got an appointment from a psychiatrist for tomorrow. I can't stand myself anymore. Sometimes I can't remember things, or what I did. I just find myself somewhere. I don't remember how I got there. I am a very hard person and no one likes me. No one talks to me. Only my parents and my relatives love me and that's only because we are related. I love them, too. If I knew my dad and my mother wouldn't have an heart attack if they found out I committed suicide, I would do it without hesitation.
I need to study for my lessons but the only thing I can do is watching tv shows. That's the only way I can run away from myself. When I am watching, I stop thinking. At nights, I wake up and can't go back to sleep. My stupid brain won't stop working. I think a few years later, they might need to lock me up. I am afraid I'll hurt people.