Confused like you wouldn't believe

When my first wife left (well... I fired her) I had nothing to stop me. I soon had a nice collection of lingerie. Trouble was I had a relatively established “male” life. Never had much opportunity before, but when she left the door was flung wide open. I would be all about doing my male life things (I am very active) when unexpectedly the opportunity would present itself. I had no resistance. There was no problem concealing my addiction since I was essentially living without adult supervision.

I would drive all the way home, for instance, thinking of what manly project I might work on when I got there, only to inadvertently open the top right drawer (that’s where my panties were) and loose all control. All I really had to do was see them/feel them/think of them. Once that situation presented itself the erection began, the pants/underwear hit the floor and up slid the panties. Panties for me are like krypton to super man.

Once in panties all bets were off. I would imagine what a Dominatrix might say as i stood before a dresser full of women’s lingerie while wearing panties. I have a vivid imagination. Inevitably I would find myself sitting on the foot of my bed completely feminized; Spike heels to wig, full make up and all. I had some sexy cloths and a very fem figure. The sight /thought of me trapped in such sexiness would ultimately drive me to ******. I never dressed without this conclusion. Every episode increased my desire.

 Every time I dressed I would imagine my dominatrix directing me to order a new garment from the many fem catalogs I had, which i would do. I never disobeyed her. Inside I knew I was abandoning my male world little by little; one dress at a time.This went on for about two years. Infrequently at first, but eventually every chance I was alone. My collection was expanding rapidly and my masculinity was waning. Although I was trying to maintain my male persona, people at work were treating me different. My family was becoming suspicious too. Once my brother pulled me aside and posed the question “are you gay?” To no avail I found myself spending more and more time alone…

Ultimately I got to the point where if I knew I was headed home and no one would be there an erection would pop up. I mean slam, the minute I realized I was going to be alone at home my **** was rock hard. This made it difficult to control my speed. I would race home, run inside the house and lock all the doors, bound up the stairs to the bedroom stripping off my cloths as I went and dive into my lingerie collection. The next thing I knew I was in my sexiest dress complete with nylons (I hate pantyhose) heels and eye shadow. Dressed to kill and staying that way as long as I could, or my imaginary Dom directed. i was addicted worse than a heroin addict. The problem was i also had my male life and it was always fun as well. I like being male and i like being female. My life has been a confused mess ever since.
jenifer6 jenifer6
56-60, M
3 Responses Dec 13, 2012

the only solution is to start wearing fem out,along with just a touch of make up.(day make up) you can be ambiguous with more neutral clothes. plane girls jeans ,women top baggy to hide the bra.

A lot of us can totally relate.

this story rings true with me. know just what you mean.