I Become Obsessed With Hating The Ex's Of All My Boyfriends!!!

I thought it was just one boyfriend... But it kept happening, every time I dated someone!! Even if it wasn't that serious!!

I first noticed A PROBLEM with it when a guy I dated a few years ago (and the first boyfriend I ever lived with) ended up getting back together with a girl he hooked up with before we met. She was never good enough for him to date back then, very boring, and then he met ME, and we dated very happily for about 2 years until I got restless and broke up with him, set him free. I was 21 and wanting more out of life. We would hook up occasionally afterwards, because it was comfortable to be with him. One night at his place after one of this rendezvous, I had to use his phone to call mine and locate it. There was a message, from THAT same old boring girl, PROPOSING something sexual. Although we were broken up, I was filled with rage.

Needless to say, we stayed broken up. He ended up marrying the boring girl, and still to this day drunk-texts me every once in a great while, asking for raunchy pictures etc. I politely decline.

The problem was, I started driving by his apartment (where we used to live together... And Boring Girl lives now). I find myself peeking through the Internet, looking for traces of her in networking website profiles, etc. I even considered hiring a private detective to get photos of them or her... Ugh it sounds so creepy!! And I don't have any hatred towards her anymore!! No malicious intent, nothing. Just burning curiosity...... How does she wear her hair? What car does she drive? Is she happy? Does she know he's tried to cheat on her with me?

My next serious boyfriend had a very different ex... She was his ex fiancé. And tiny, and VERY cute, and bubbly. I'm very competitive with women, over men. This might be the root of my issues, with some insecurity thrown in there. But this new boyfriend's Bubbly ex-fiancé was something I hadn't bargained for. They were kids, she was his only REAL love before me. Since they broke off their engagement she moved across the country, married a guy that looks EXACTLY like him, and has had a bunch of kids. He always told me she wanted a big family and he did not want ANY kids. I tried to be everything for him that SHE couldn't be. I wanted to be a better girlfriend than she was, but EVERYONE who knew her (his friends, all 4 of his sisters) just loved her and couldn't say anything bad about miss Bubbly.

THAT relationship ended badly for both of us (not because of me hating his ex LOL) and I spent some time healing my heart, while still following miss Bubbly on the Internet. Once again, once the relationship ended, I couldn't hate her. She was positive, upbeat, and seems to still be a very likable and genuine person. I've never met her, but I'm embarrassed to say I follow her posts and pictures pretty closely. Weird?....

Now, I'm in a new relationship, with a younger but actually divorced guy. So now I have an ex-wife to be jealous of. Im older, smarter, funnier, wittier, and pretty in an opposite way of her. Instead of focusing on all my strengths, I'll find his ex-wife's pictures on the Internet and inwardly seethe at her smaller hips, cuter pants, or anything. It's horrible, and it's started to impact our relationship. I know that I will stretch the truth when he asks me silly half-joking things, like 'was your ex better looking than me' or 'am I better in bed than your ex'. I want to trust that I'm better for him than she was. I want to know that I don't have to OUT-DO her. I already did! She's very similar to the first boyfriend's Boring girl... No personality, not very smart, but pretty cute and easy for a guy to be in a relationship with. I'm messy, a bit complicated, and always interesting. I can't say that I'm a difficult girlfriend, but it's hard to manipulate me in arguments or lie to me. I'm strong willed and fiercely independent. Which my new boyfriend LOVES, as a change from his ex-wife. But he told me, he still dreams about her. And I know he thinks about her tiny little attractiveness although there are no pictures or ANYthing left from her. Nothing.

I have EVERY reason to trust him. And I do, I don't ever think he would do to me what the first guy did and try to have his cake and eat it to.

But I don't know how to stop this COMPETITION in my head... Of stalking exes of boyfriends... And exes of exes still...
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2 Responses May 6, 2012

Ok I have never admitted this, but I'm in the exact same position. Like its gotten out of hand. If you ever want to talk about this feel free to message me.

A similar thing happened to me. My ex was obsessed with this one girl and used to make me feel inadequate. I hate men like that who do that. I ended up dumping his butt and building my self confidence back. Luckily, I met someone really awesome. But it isn't worth the energy seeing what other ppl are doing because in the end you need to focus on your own life and your own happiness as well.

It just boggles your mind if someone is in a "relationship" how they could be craving someone else. It's nasty how some guys can lead women on. I hear you too, slowly but surely we will both heal and leave it all in the past where they belong. I used to be obsessed too but then I started concentrating on my life and I feel a lot better.