Ok, I started high school about 2 years ago. On the second day of school I found my first high school crush. His name was Noah, and I slowly (much to my dismay) fell in love with everything about him. Last year, I had the courage to tell him my feelings, but he wasn't interested. I was totally crushed because I pinned every hope I had on him. I've been devastated ever since. I fell into a sort of depression again, but now just as I feel like I might be making progress my feelings for him are returning. It's been months since he rejected me, but I still care about him. I was mad and angry and resentful, but my love was always there. Despite my pain, I'd never go out of my way to hurt him just because I got the short end of the stick. I don't know what to do though. I need to move on and away, but I can't because he goes to my school and I still love him very deeply. I try to push him out of my mind, but he always comes back. He's like a f*cking virus in my head, and I want it to stop. Part of me wishes I could delete him from my memories, but I know I'd just fall in love with him all over again!! It's terrible. I want to be with him desperately and tragically, but I need to get going with my life. I want to be happy, but I'm stuck in a trench. Nobody's helping me, and I can't climb out on my own. I still love him, I've loved him from the start, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.
WinterIncandescence WinterIncandescence
18-21, F
Aug 25, 2014