I feel so heavy and numb. I want to cry to release all this pent up engery, but my body refuses to allow any sound to come out. A few tears stray down my cheeks, but that's all that is permitted. I'm too afraid someone will hear if allow myself to cry out, they'll ask too many questions that I can't answer. My stomach is upset....My head is pounding....my back is sore....and my ears feel raw. A weird thought popped into my head earlier about how I may look if I was ******** from my natural defenses. If people could see behind the walls. They would see a completely different creature. They would see a pale and very thin female form. Chapped lips pulled into a permanent frown. Dark, sorrowful, pain-filled eyes. Long unkept hair. Scars. Scars all over the body. This is not a pretty creature. But then again it's not supposed to be, because this creature is the true me! Guilt, wariness, bitterness, and anger has worn this body down, and there's only so much my defenses can do. That's why this creature remains hidden. Protected. Safe. So the outside figure can endure everything else. Only at night is this creature of worthlessness allowed to come out and play, but only for a temporary moment. Both creatures are very tired, but until the roles are allowed to be reversed, the outside figure must remain strong.
NeverTrulyWanted NeverTrulyWanted
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2014

Mommy I love you to