It's sounds cliche but it's the honest truth. My mind won't stop. I don't feel like I belong. I'm so shy and my family is so outgoing I'm always the outcast, I know they love me but I can't help wonder what their life would be like without me. I'm the unhealthiest child and so I'm always in hospital or having appointments. I'm such hard work and even though I say I love them and they say they love me at the end of the day I often wish I wasn't here. Everything's just all too hard. That's why I love sleeping. I'm not dead but I'm not here either. It's my escape from reality. I wonder if they would truly miss me, of course the would grieve at first but I wonder how quickly I'd be forgotten. I'm not suicidal or anything. I have been in the past but I can't help but wonder. Every friendship I've had they've left me. I've always been there for them but when the tables turn the other way they flee. I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for music. I know that sounds cliche but when I'd get home from a hard day I'd strum my guitar and sing it out. I love it but I'm too shy to sing in front of everyone, I feel like I'm exposed when I sing, like everyone can see my soul. My parents always say they'd like to hear me sing one day but my sister has been singing longer than me and she's perfect. I'm not and I'm nowhere near as good. She's competing and she has a few really nice friends which I envy. My parents are always like don't compare your self to your sister she's gifted but how can I compete with that? My mum favours her and when she sings she can do nothing wrong but with me it's the opposite there's no 'good job honey' or anything it's I didn't like this but or that bit. I know I'm loved but I get depressed easily by others words. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for what I have but I feel like I'm the third wheel of the family...
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1 Response Aug 17, 2014

Putting your feelings to words is good therapy.