Boredom And Dope

  • I suppose everyone has a different reason for the drugs they do, I don't mean excuses, everyone has excuses, but those, for the most part are for the family and friends who bug you about your use, I mean the actual reason you do the drugs you do. I have used drugs most of my life and a lot of different reasons play in but one specifically stands out and that's BOREDOM. Sometimes I think I'm pathologically bored. Is that possible? My mother said my first sentance was "I'm bored". Everything bores me after unless the event is shiney new. I have more interests than anyone I have ever met, constantly searching for a new idea or experience to hold the boredom off for a short while. The boredom I feel is overwhelming, I'm actually afraid of it. Sounds crazy, and probably is, worse the only thing that reliably keeps it at bay is drug use. Different drugs fix different moments, all around opiates work best. When I get that frantic, caged, claustraphobic feel at work, and start to panic, a few vicodin, oxy, heroin, methadone whatever keeps me there when nothing else could. My job probably isn't considered boring by most people. It doesn't matter though, I've had a 100 jobs each different from next and each boring to the extreme in a week and then absolute torture to work. Getting up in the morning is a freaking bore and pretty much everything else, do other people feel like this?
leatha leatha
51-55, F
4 Responses Mar 10, 2010

Thanks for the comment Lisa, it's so easy to start believing I'm the only one feeling these things, and this subject is certainly not one you can bring up casually with most people. I'm torn between feeling sorry that you are tangled up in the drug issues and happy for you that at least you've found a workable solution when life sucks. I feel exactly the same about the lack of energy and ambition, the endless consistancy of work and every day life is only tolerable when I'm high, and just like you mentionrd, I'm on the upper end of my affordable tolerance right now. I need to kick down for a few weeks or switch up the dope, probably both. It's seems everyone I know copes pretty easily, even enjoys, the mundane repetition in their lives and careers, I feel like I wasn't programmed correctly, like I'm missing a chip. I am constantly thinking that I need to apologise for my choices the cultural pressure against any illegal medicating is nearly overwhelming sometimes and offers no workable solution that in it's place. Certainly no American passstime, such as the continual purchase of uneccessary goods nor the mindless blather of television, nor the prescriptions for useless antidepressants circumvent the boredom in the least. The drugs I take actually DO help, why should I feel the need to apologise for that? I hope everything works out for you. I certainly understand the place you're in. I'd love to hear more about you. I'm Lori, by the way, nice to meet you Lisa.

I definitely know how you feel, I am the same way. No matter what i do I feel that it could be better if i am high. The only thing that sucks is as my tolerance goes up I cant afford to stay high enough to enjoy it. I am trying to figure out new things to do myself, my only problem is fatigue. All the drugs that i have done definitely made me less ambitious it drives me crazy. Im bored as hell but dont want to put forth the effort to do anything about it. Then that leads me back to the drugs to get up enough energy to fix my boredom, crazy cycle. Anyway my names Lisa I found your story and definitely can relate SUCKS

True Alloveless, no fun feeling bad either.

Not just boredom. I do it because I don't want to feel bad.