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Nobody Believed Me Then, Nobody Believes Me Now...

My freshman year of high school I was attending a huge 5A school. I was involved with all sorts of clubs and sports groups. I was the only freshman to be welcomed onto the JV girls golf team. For a long while I had it all going my way, I had a great boyfriend, an amazing best friend and not a care in the world. One night I was craving change,  my boyfriend had a group of friends on the guys golf team who I had befriended. They invited me out to a local hotspot for some beers and fun. This so called hotspot was called "the field" but it was actually just a little leauge baseball park. So being the naive little girl that I was, I packed on the eyeliner, wore my cutest push up, and climbed out my window for a night I will never forget. 

When I arrived to "the field" I was handed a beer and to my benefit it had already been opened for me (MISTAKE NUMBER 1). I recognized a few people from school but i was shy and didn't say much. I found a comfy spot of grass near the group of guys I was with and I sat down, sipped my beer and lightly chatted about random crap. I trusted these people, after all they played golf. What harm could teenage guys do in Ralph Lauren polos?

 My boyfriends best friend, Beau, invited me to his truck to get a flash light and a jacket. Seeing as how I was freezing I quickly got up to follow him to get the jacket. I had been friends with this guy for quite sometime, we attending church together and our brothers were on the same little leauge team and I felt as if he were one of my big brothers.  I hadn't even finished a eighth of my beer and I was feeling so tipsy. But soon enough I realized I wasn't tipsy...I had been drugged. 

 I asked to be taken home because I wasn't feeling well. Not only could I hardly walk, I was slipping in and out of conciousness. Somehow I managed to make it to Beau's truck and he whispered words I would never forget. 

"I never knew you'd be THIS easy..."

I woke up the next morning safely tucked in my bed. I figured the night before had been just a dream. But with the soreness in my vagina and fresh bite barks on my breasts, I had no other choice but to believe that my worst nightmare had come true. I was embarrassed, degraded, and down right dehumanized. 

I didnt tell anyone for a few weeks. Finally I opened up to my best friend and she opened up to everyone else...word eventually spread around campus and so did pictures of my naked body. Everyone played it off to where I had been out of my mind drunk and I didn't know what really happened. But I hadn't even finished a whole beer! 

I knew what had happened and I was afraid. My best friend and boyfriend didn't believe me so I went to the police. I told them what had happened but I had no proof. I felt hopeless...

One night it dawned on me that there might of been cameras at the field that caught my dreadful night on tape. I asked the cops to check and turns out, there was survaliance and Beau's truck was parked perfectly in the cameras view. Later that week Beau was arrested and EVERYONE at my school blamed me and called me a liar and a ****. 

After he was arrested I started getting letters in my locker from girls saying they were going to kill me and all sorts of awful things. I threw away all the letters. But eventually told my mom about the situation and of course she didn't believe me.  One day I was walking home from school and I was attacked by three girls and was beaten with golf clubs and texts books. I never told anyone. 


To this day nobody truly believes me...and i'm starting to not believe myself. I was raped, bullied and beaten and I can't help myself because I don't know how. This is effecting every aspect of my life. I have crazy bad social anxiety, I am so afraid of everything. It's even effecting my relationship with my fiance and I don't know how to tell him...I just want someone to believe me. I just want help, I want to cope with what happened. But, I can't forgive him for doing what he did and I cannot forgive myself for letting it happen. 

4 years behind me and it's still a fresh wound.
tnwarren12 tnwarren12 16-17 4 Responses Oct 26, 2011

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I believe you! I hope you still check this page because we believe you!!! If you are unconscious and someone had sex wit you, its rape. You cannot give consent if you are knocked out! I know how you feel! The guy that assaulted me was an athlete so he tried to make me out as a **** and his team would follow me around. I am never regret say anything though because I know the truth and you know the truth too! I even reported it and he got kicked out of school and is currently in jail. Be strong!!

this makes me cry reading this im very sorry this happened to you the same stuff is going on with me at the moment im writing this I haven't got jumped yet but its pretty scary u feel like nobody is on ur side and every wher u look people are laughing at you I had the same thing happen to me except my boyfriend at the time set it up..and they video tapped it..and it went around the HOLE town

I can't understand why so many people have read this and not offered support! You should really find a rape counsellor to talk to. I believe you and I don't think you should give up. Please try to go to a counsellor they really do help.

your a lying ****. shut the **** up and stop trying to get attention for once in your life. 8th beer? you clearly weren't drugged, just drunk as ****. also when the guy said he didn't know you'd be that easy, it was probably because you were throwing yourself at him. even if someone believed all this,don't you think its taking it a little far to say you were ambushed by some girls holding golf clubs and beaten. That now 4 years later you choose to bring this up, now that you wouldn't have any evidence, such as bruising or cuts. also awful convenient that you don't actually remember being raped. go do something productive in your life other than trying to get peoples sympathy and pity, its pathetic.

This comment is just so wrong! Like really?? Be supportive that she's even opening up and telling her story. People shouldn't judge.

The way I read it was she had not even drank 1/8 of the first beer she was given. Where did you get 8 beers?

She didn't have 8 beers, she has 1/8th of ONE beer.