The Nightmares And Memories Dont Stop
i became a rape victim on September 24, 2011. I was 14 at the time and now i am 15. The longer since it happened the worse it controls me. I am afraid of men. Even their touch makes me tense and want to cry. I have nightmares almost every night. Either a close friend of mine rapes me in them or my attacker does in my dreams. I see his face when i am sleeping almost every night.. I went to a psyciatric hospital for the 2nd time in hopes that it would help me with the memories. It hasnt though. I cry most nights becuase the memories dont fade away.. they are always clear in my mind and i fear that they always will be.. I feel disgusted by what happened and i feel like no one believes me or likes me becuase they think im a lying **** and that it is all my fualt. I know deep down that that is not the case with everyone, but there are a few people at my school who say things like that about me.. everyone tells me to jsut forget about it and that it is jsut the past.. i try so hard to forget but it wont go away.. I just want the memories to disappear.. i dont want to deal with the pain anymore.. I feel exuasted all the time becuase the smallest thought of that day drains everything out of me and i jsut go to sleep.. but even my sleep isnt a sanctuary.. i want to go and hide but i can never hide from what happened.. my attacker will forget about it and go on with his life but i will always be stuck on september 24th..