The More People I Tell The More Relieved I Feel But Also ...

so there are two people that know i was raped when i was 15. first is my friend kelly i work with who has become one of my best friends . she is amazing but doesnt 'show alot of emotion' she just listens and its great. it kind of just came out one day when she asked if i was a virgin. normally i just say yeah but for some reason she caught me offguard and i said 'welllllll' and then told her the story. the other person is my bestfriend lauren. i told her over the summer (i am now 20). she knew the person that raped me . she knew him because i met lauren my freshman year in highschool ; when me and him were together. i told her everything about him at the time except for one thing. after it happened i ended it and he told his friends we had sex and i went along with it like it was nothing. and it killed me. but one night during the summer my other bestfriend (yes i have alot of best friends so what!) steph goes 'why do you hate sex' and i didnt really have an answer i made up something stupid like the only time i ever had sex i sucked. or whatever. but lauren knows me so well that she knew something was up and probably has known the whole time. so a few weeks later she confessed to me that she was raped in a car in highschool. oh and while we were talking about how we were raped we were drunk . and we havent talked about it since. i didnt tell her my whole story i just told her it was rape.

but when i told her i just got upset because theres another guy who got away with it. ugh.
well last night me and my friend nora from work went out for a glass of wine and she kept getting on me about how im a virgin (i just tell everyone that). and how i dont want to be 25 and just be discovering what sex is and all this stuff . we were just joking and talking . so finally i spilled and i was like well im not techincally a virgin , when i was in highschool my boyfriend had sex with me and it wasnt consentual.

i felt better telling her . she says i should go to a therapist. maybe shes right.
katie134 katie134
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Find a good professional or counsellor to talk to.

I think I agree with your friend. Undoubtedly talking can help but not as much as time and self appreciation. If you can't find a friendly ear to talk into, then a counsellor or therapist could help. On here there are many people who will offer to talk, but I suspect that most are either rape fantasists or plain nosey. Sadly, to those with no experience of rape and a health sub/dom fantasy, rape seems incredibly sexy. I have friends who were raped and I realise that it has more to do with violence and force than sex. The fantasies are fine for role-players, but they are dangerously close to inciting violence.
I would suggest choosing a friend very carefully, one who is unlikely to fall out with you or just go and try out a counsellor.

if talking helps then maybe you should talk to a trusted friend properly, or you should speak to a therapist. it may help you

try at least...