Raped By My Cousin

I used to live in a different house during the first half of my life. It was a two bedroom, one bathroom house, and we lived six houses down from my aunt and uncle. My parents during that time worked all day to pay off the bills. It was more than the usual I would say, but it was to give me a better life. At that time I had a younger ten month old brother; I was 5. I vividly remember changing babysitter often, because they wouldn't treat us good, feed us at all, or pay attention to us. Eventually my mother decided to get my much older cousin to babysit us. He was 15 and basically a God in my eyes. I admired him for being smart, athletic, and brave. He would come over and watch us at our house from 6AM to 5PM everyday for the summer of 1998. This summer is one to remember I said to myself not knowing what I had in store. I still remember the smell of pancakes, or cereal, or toast every single morning, and waking up to that smell was mouth watering. My cousin would fix me breakfast every morning and tell me that it was made just for me, which only added to his godly image. After about two weeks of breakfast and morning cartoons with him I noticed that he started to get more physical. It was fun at first. We played hide-and-go-seek, we would wrestle, and sometimes sleep together. I was living the life, and I saw nothing wrong with that. One time we were in bed together, and he started to tickle me. He would kiss me on the cheek, and sometimes on the lips. I would laugh, but I never imagined that would be wrong so I enjoyed it. Over the next couple of week he would start to get more comfortable and he would touch himself and ask if I would like to touch him. I blindly agreed and I would watch as his d*** would grow every time he would babysit me. Eventually I would end up sucking him; he would lick my a**; he would suck me; we would kiss; and I would enjoy it. I was a child back then, and as I grew up I had dreams where I would relive everything, but I figured that it was all just a dream. But how could a child come up with those images? Anyway, my parents never figured anything out, and to this moment they seem to be clueless. I have an idea of which cousin it was, and I have thought of confronting him about it, but I always back out. What if he isn't the one? He could always lie to me. But now I feel like I have gaping hole inside of me. I usually don't remember what happen, but every now and then I get small glimpses of what happen during the summer of 1998.
jleano1 jleano1
18-21, M
Dec 8, 2012