Rape And Attempted Murder

 

I joined this website to talk to people like you. I've been in a very lonely place for quite some time... About two years ago, I was assaulted and raped. He was someone I thought was just a nerdy, mildly depressed guy I was friends with... We were just playing cards, a stupid card game and I won... Next thing I know he had a knife out of no where, he had locked the door and was coming towards me... I screamed, and he knocked me over the head and when I fell, he started choking me until I passed out... Next thing I knew, I woke up and he was on top of me, a knife under my throat yelling at me, I can't even say he was yelling words that made sense... The thing that was most horrifying was when he begun to bite my face... he bit through my left nostril and on my right cheek, and when he heard sirens, he just stopped... he calmly climbed off of me, unlocked the door and walked out to them...

I pressed charges, and he only went to jail for three months... he plead guilty to temporary insanity... but the thing is, he sent me an email, before he had raped me, saying I deserved it, and I was some kind of snowflake or some crazy ****, made references to little red riding hood... my lawyer said it was too mixed up to be brought into court as proof of planning... and that him pleading guilty was a "win", and that if I didn't feel safe, I should take a self defense class and learn how to protect myself... I remember crying for days and for the past few years I was fearful to go outside...

After I pressed charges, about 5 other girls came forward, all dark hair and pale skin like me... and they say he attacked them too... they all had bite marks... one he had gotten high and raped with a knife... I've had nightmares about this for so long... I find it hard to be a member of the adult population, but I'm trying so hard... I thought if I worked on my career, and payed off debts, moved out on my own, that I'd start to feel more in control... I now have a good job, and a nice place, my own things... but I'm not happy like I thought I'd be... I'm so worn out and tired... I don't know what to do any longer. I've thought about killing myself, but I don't want to be weak once again... I'm tired of being a victim and feeling like one, I just want to feel okay again... :(

I recently found out the man who attacked me, killed himself last year... but I still don't feel safe... I don't feel relief, I don't feel anything... Please help

Annika23373 Annika23373
22-25, F
Dec 11, 2012