Raped By A Friend

When my boyfriend broke up with me in the first year at uni, I felt like ****. I was really depressed, lost weight because I wasn't eating properly and started drinking and taking recreational drugs. During this phase, one of his friends wanted to come visit me to cheer me up. I'd known him since I was 11 plus thought this would be a great way to make my ex jealous so happily agreed.
We started the night off in halls, getting drunk and a bit stoned with everyone and then made our way to a house party. I was dressed in a t-shirt and denim mini and I was flirting with him. He was joking about me showing him a good time and i said "maybe if you're a good boy". The party was good, there was lots more drink involved, some more weed and then he gave me a sniff of what I thought was coke. Pretty soon I started to feel really out of it and was lay on the bed of one of the girls who lived there talking **** as you do. There were about 6 of us sat in this bedroom, at various stages of spacing out. This friend began to pick me up off the bed and was telling people he was going to take me home to look after me. One of the girls said she'd let me stay in her bed and I was telling him to leave me, I'd be fine because I knew them but he told them I'd be better in my own bed and carried me home.
We got back to my flat and I wanted to go to bed, I felt really weak and couldn't really move or talk properly. I was totally ****** and it was my fault- I drank, I smoked. No one forced me to do these things. He took me into my bedroom and lay me on my bed. He started to undress me but I was trying to tell him to leave me in my clothes.
He turned me over so I was lay on my front and pinned my back down as he took off my tights. He pulled my underwear down and pushed his fingers inside me, kissing and licking my neck. I felt sick at the fact I was getting wet. he pressed his body against my back and reached around with his other hand and started playing with my nipples. He was really hurting me but I was so scared that I tried to zone out. I felt his fingers in my hair and he pulled my head up, pushing me up the bed and pushing my face into the headboard. I felt his weight move on the bed, and then felt his erection against my skin. He tried to enter me, his movements were hitting my head against the headboard but I pressed my legs together to try and stop him. I felt him wanking off against me, and he lifted my hips and came on my arse. He used his fingers to spread the *** onto my back. It felt like he was writing something.
He turned me over and saw that I was crying. He told me not to cry and pushed me onto the floor on my back. I caught my leg on the wooden side of the bed and cried out. He lowered himself on top of me. He was trying to enter me again but I was struggling and trying to get him off but I couldn't.
I don't remember anything after that. I woke up in my room, naked and he was ringing my phone. I could hear shouting outside the window. He had let himself out of the flat but was shouting up that he wanted his jacket. I was so confused, looked around the room and found it then threw it out of the window to him.
Then i just sat on the floor and cried. Eventually I got up, put a t-shirt on and went to my computer to see if any friends were online. He had left a message on a heart shaped post it note that said "i'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you". I needed to talk to someone. The only friend that was there was a guy who had left uni for the weekend. I told him what had happened and what I should do. He told me to have a shower and forget about it.
I did have a shower and I tried to forget about it but couldn't. I never reported it because of the fact that my actual friend had basically dismissed it. I felt like I led him on. I kept that post-it note though because to me, that little note tells me that he was wrong, what he did was wrong and I am not wrong when I say that he raped me.
ellegg ellegg
22-25
Dec 12, 2012