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The Right Thing- Doesn't Mean Your Weak

I told my story "the story of how" but I believe it's time I tell about the second time, the time the will always haunt me.
Not long after Aaron and Charlie raped me, Charlie said sorry and I forgave him. Just a short while later, I was walking, just out for a walk, when Aaron asked to Join me. Nervous I told him "I guess so" but I kept a distance from him. After awhile of him not trying anything I started to relax and didn't walk so far away for him. Big mistake. We started taking and joking, I never noticed until that moment how much I missed it. Before long I look up to find we walked to his place. Nervous again I told him I had to leave. I turned to go but he grabbed me. He slammed a hand across my mouth and wrapped his other arm around my waist. He pulled me into his house, I fought the whole time, kicking, biting, anything I could think of.
I remember him throwing me on my back and ripping my panties off. He pushes my skirt up and in doing so have me enough room to kick him, well knee him in the belly. I jumped up and turned to run but he grabbed my ankle and pulled my feet out from under me. I smacked my head on the table and was in a sort of shocked state when Charlie walked in. I started to freak out, thinking they were going to rape me the same way as last time, but to my surprise Charlie hit Aaron. He beat Aaron up while I sat they staring. Charlie put his coat on me and helped me up. I realized then I did the right thing forgiving him. I'm still scared all the time, though I try to hide it. I want everyone to think I'm strong. Recently I realized, just because you need help doesn't mean you're weak, it means you are strong enough to know when you can't do something alone. So please speak up. Be heard. Be strong. It's okay to break down. Everyone needs help at least once.
oOoAllieoOo oOoAllieoOo 18-21, F 9 Responses Dec 14, 2012

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what possessed you to have anything at all to do with this guy after incident 1

Some guys need more than an *** kicking, I have a strong distaste for for men that are so weak they have to steal it. I believe if you can't earn it then you don't need it. Those are the guys that need to meet the neutering rocks, they generally quit raping after they get their nuts crushed. That saves the victim from public humiliation, it then saves the prosicutor from doing all that work just to watch the piece of **** walk because he had a high dollar attorney. And of course there will be no more victims by that no nut **** bag. I hope you find a way to make inner piece so your past can't own your future. There are good men in this world that would give their life protecting you from those that would harm you,what I'm trying to say is don't judge all men based on the bad.

Always follow follow your analytical mind who had guided you not to walk with him further and you hesitated .OK... but take a cue from this for future and forget the incident ..leave your mind free for future .Being kind does not mean stupid.

Forgiving is one thing, but talking to your rapists is another.
There's a reason there exist a notion in the justice system of repeat offender, and punishments for second offense is much greater than for first.

If someone raped you once, there's a high probability they'll try it again if you'll give him an opportunity (talking to him or being near him at all).

you sound like a very strong person!

Be strong!!! Always protect yourself.

After this I got a friend to teach me some self-defense moves, I can now have someone face down on the ground in under a minute.

Don't get over confident, for every action there's a counter reaction. And fyi a shot in the nuts generally ruins a guys mood for lovin.

good for you girl...always be careful...your too important to be taken for granted or abused...nothing will be better than when you find that special one to give you real love and bond with them intimately and produce feelings of giving and not being taken :)

You are a brave girl keep it up.

Speaking up was the greatest thing I've ever done.

I just posted a comment on your inital encounter with these two jerks and am so glad you were able to escape this situation. Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another while truly putting both incidents behind you and moving on is yet another but all are steps in the healing process. Your self confidence has been shaken, which is common and understandable for what you have endured. Some self defense training may be a good way for you to build your confidence level higher than it has ever been and rid yourself of some hurt, anger and fear in the process. You are strong and you are a survivor with a kind and caring heart.