I'm stronger now, I'm bigger.
It was my fault.
When I was 14, 34 year old police officer started hitting on me, but back than I didn't know what he wanted.
You know, you hear things on TV, read about them, but never imagine them really ever happening. He bothered me a lot, and always saying that if I met him once, he would leave me alone forever. That was going on for months. Then I decided to meet him, one meeting wouldn't hurt me, right?
He came with his car, when I went to the door some coldness went in my body. He dragged me in and drove.
Then he told me how beautiful I was and so on. Bad things which you will guess.
He was 190 cm tall, 2-3 times bigger and stronger than me. I couldn't do anything, even lift his hand a little bit. I was a kid.
At first I was fighting like hell, but I couldn't stop him. I really couldn't...
He had a gun.
When he was done I ran away, I ran home. There were guests and my mom told me to entertain them so I took a deep breath. I put my phone on silent, he kept calling me over and over again. Texting me than he would catch me again, do this all over again.
The worst phrase, which still rings in my ears "I will see you whenever I want, and I will **** you whenever I want".
I was all alone. Scared. I was afraid that he would do it to someone else, he was a psycho. I went to police after 5 days. Alone. At first they laughed at me. Then everything was going really fast.
My parents blamed me, they said that their daughter was a ****. And after to weeks they went to spain on holidays and left me alone.
He confessed sexual relationship with underaged, nothing else.
My friends didn't know how to be around me so they left. My bf left immediatly. Everyone left.
It's been 4 years. No one cares about it now, my mom told me I was brave for going to the police, my dad didn't speak to me for 2 years.
I didn't want it. I didn't want it. I really didn't. And they don't believe me. I was freaking 14 years old.
I have dreams, I'm terrified when I walk alone, but what can I do.
I forgave him, it wasn't his fault, he was ill. But it wasn't my fault either, was it?
I know I shouldn't have met him, i know. I couldn't imagine.
That's my story.
Sometimes I have so much hate in my heart. I hate me.
s1lenc3 s1lenc3 18-21, F 85 Responses Dec 28, 2012

Your Response


what country was this


People say, Oh, I'm so sorry. But does that really help? I can't stop thinking about my rape either. People who are raped NEVER did anything to deserve it. It's NEVER their fault! The emotional pain they left us in. It's unbearable. Rape is a cruel thing. Noone should ever have to go through it. I guarantee something. You will ALWAYS have someone who loves you and will try to help you. Even if they don't show it, one person on this earth will be their when you NEED it the most.

He knew what he was doing was wrong and did it anyway. Don't even think about blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong.

Gosh. Please stau strong. I felt the pain you are going through. How sad and hurtful that your parents just said you were a ****. They don't even know how traumatizing it was. I know how it feels to be touched by someone you dont know. I was molested but, your pains are much more heavier. Just stay strong. It was not your fault, you just wanted him to stop. You were a kid. He was a psycho and a pervert. There are bad things that happen to good people. Everyone left when they should jabe hols on and supported you.. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to do that. Stay strong, dont ever let that ruin your life. And I promise you, it does get better. I used to think it won't... But it really does. Somehow, God balances out the pain and the love.

It wasn't your fault dear. Learn to forgive yourself for what happened and forgive the perpetrator too. As hard as it may seem, that is the only way you will be able to move forward, leaving the past behind you, even though the scar will still be there. Pray God heals you completely and that you may find solace and comfort in Him alone, for He will never leave nor forsake you. He loves you more than you can imagine, with all our imperfections and it does not matter how others see you or even if they leave you forever. God's love endures forever and He is always there for you. You are loved.

It's not your fault , u didn't do nothin then why u feel bad , that ******* should suffer and what he did , it will haunt him his whole life , don't listen to others , you have a whole life ahead , and your are beautiful , try to enjoy life

No! It was NOT your fault. It was HIS fault. You are NOT to blame for this. He IS!

Now I see him almost every day, and I'm getting used to it

You should never have to "get used to" something like this.

You have been very wronged at such a young age, so sad :( mayby your father feels guilty not being able to protect you, I don't no but sad all round! You sound very forgiving if that helps you that's good, being a parent myself difficult to express thoughts on that monster, he should have been jailed for yet if his life, being honest I would have wanted to hurt him so bad! Take care of yeself and if people are different towards you, that's their problem! Be happy

Thank you

Cop or no cop I would have killed him if I had caught him, maybe even with his own gun.

Wow No it's not your fault. It was his. And you shouldn't hate yourself. I have family that never told anybody about what happened to them til 20-30 years later. You're awesome for going to the police about.

It wasn't your fault at all. You are right you shouldn't have met him and put yourself in that situation from the beginning but you were young and impressionable. Still isn't your fault.

I don't see how you can say it isn't his fault either. I think it is totally his fault. He was the grown up and knew exactly what he was doing. You appear to be an attractive young woman and at least now you are able to move on from that terrible experience.

It is sad that your family didn't believe you and that your so called friends left when you really need them. But like you said you are a stronger and better person now. Be careful!!!

Thank you very much

You are very brave to tell the truth. You are not guilty of anything.


No, honey, you are not obligated to forgive him, and he wasn't ill, he was evil. Make no mistake about that.

This is just awful, and I am very sorry for the difficulty you face of having no one believe you, especially your parents. This is heartbreaking.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone :( You are really strong!

just eat some honey puff the taste gr8

Sigh. No reason to hate yourself. You were a kid... Hugs.
I hope you have a great life ahead! :)


what ever you do :( don;t hate your ownself :( he was the one that started it & really shouldn't been messin with you on the frist damm place :( plus he new better :) **** that son of a ***** cop :( .. you just thought he was a nice cop in your neighborhood :(

I'm so sorry you had to go through that all alone. : (


Rage and Anger. That guy should have his eyes burned out.


*Seething rage* It was his fault. There isn't enough excuses in the whole world for him. But the parents...I have no words. Maybe because I can see my parents doing something similar fi anything ever happened to me. Running away from their responsibilities to protect you.

I still can't believe how they acted. And I really don't think it was his fault

In that case it's ALWAYS the adult fault. Even if you begged him to do it, even if you blackmailed him to do it. That's the responsibility of the adult over the child. Even if he is sick, he still has a responsibility to manage it. And he is a COP and has a responsibility to uphold the law AT ALL TIMES, not only on duty. His fault, nobody else.

If it was someone else, i would say exactly the same.. But it's me, and I knew him. He didn't want to do anything bad

You're a typical case of 'blame the victim'. There is no excuse, not now or ever. His texts to you are the the proof enough.

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It WAS his fault...and any expert or any other person who doesn't think so is simply full of it! It was not your fault period! You were only 14 and he was a powerful authority figure. You were brave enough to tell your story and brave enough to have survived and if you have should be directed at someone other than you!

Are you venting...or looking for suggestions ?


:( I'm so so os sorry.

this is not right...ur parents specially ur dad shud be punished not u...why do u punish urself

It absolutely was not your fault. He took advantage of his authority and intimidated you. He should have been put in prison and the same thing done to him in there. I hope the one thing you to trust your gut feeling. If he was texting you, why did they not believe you when you showed them the messages? The phone number can easily be linked to him.

Yes of course. But they thought it was my idea

I am sorry that people did not take you seriously. You were not at fault. If this man was a police officer it is especially heinous. he is charged with protecting the safety of innocents. What he did was an evil act. He alone is responsible. I hope Karma comes home to him.

I hope also that you will be able to put this behind you and find happiness.
All the best to you...

Thank you so much. I don't want something bad to happen to him, but still...

Sorry that happened to you, firstly , it was never your fault, you do not expect a Police Officer to do that to a minor, secondly, please, please please forgive yourself, sadly what happened to you also happens to a lot of girls across the world, you might need to seek professional help to help you come to terms with what happened and help you bring closure to it.
The did the right thing going to the Police and that was brave. feel free to read some of the article in this group to see if you might find any of them useful ;

You have great courage. God bless you and best wishes for all you desire in life.

Thank you :)

I hope he kicked ***

Don't hate yourself and NO it was not YOUR fault. Its HIS fault and you should have gotten a lawyer. Seek counseling now and ry not to live in the past. It will hold up your future. Best wishes and good luck. Don't let this TRAUMATIC experience eat you up

I had a lawyer