Left.I'm stronger now, I'm bigger.
It was my fault.
When I was 14, 34 year old police officer started hitting on me, but back than I didn't know what he wanted.
You know, you hear things on TV, read about them, but never imagine them really ever happening. He bothered me a lot, and always saying that if I met him once, he would leave me alone forever. That was going on for months. Then I decided to meet him, one meeting wouldn't hurt me, right?
He came with his car, when I went to the door some coldness went in my body. He dragged me in and drove.
Then he told me how beautiful I was and so on. Bad things which you will guess.
He was 190 cm tall, 2-3 times bigger and stronger than me. I couldn't do anything, even lift his hand a little bit. I was a kid.
At first I was fighting like hell, but I couldn't stop him. I really couldn't...
He had a gun.
When he was done I ran away, I ran home. There were guests and my mom told me to entertain them so I took a deep breath. I put my phone on silent, he kept calling me over and over again. Texting me than he would catch me again, do this all over again.
The worst phrase, which still rings in my ears "I will see you whenever I want, and I will **** you whenever I want".
I was all alone. Scared. I was afraid that he would do it to someone else, he was a psycho. I went to police after 5 days. Alone. At first they laughed at me. Then everything was going really fast.
My parents blamed me, they said that their daughter was a ****. And after to weeks they went to spain on holidays and left me alone.
He confessed sexual relationship with underaged, nothing else.
My friends didn't know how to be around me so they left. My bf left immediatly. Everyone left.
It's been 4 years. No one cares about it now, my mom told me I was brave for going to the police, my dad didn't speak to me for 2 years.
I didn't want it. I didn't want it. I really didn't. And they don't believe me. I was freaking 14 years old.
I have dreams, I'm terrified when I walk alone, but what can I do.
I forgave him, it wasn't his fault, he was ill. But it wasn't my fault either, was it?
I know I shouldn't have met him, i know. I couldn't imagine.
That's my story.
Sometimes I have so much hate in my heart. I hate me.