Written on January 12th, 2013
When i was 13, i had already a very developed body. Men near by where i live started longing for me and they would try to get my attention whenever they would see me. Eventually a really handsome guy chased me endlesly until i gave in,he was 23, i was 13... he started inviting me over to his and we would kiss, he asked me for sex and i was not ready. we liked each other, i thought he was my boyfriend, but deep down i knew he didnt treat me like s girlfriend, he never took me anywhere or did anything for me other than want to kiss me and touch me. Eventually I gave in and we had sex, it was horrible, he then called me to have sex with him whenever he wanted, i sound stupid but noone ever told me sex was supposed to be special. I then started having sex with loads of other guys, by the time I was 18 i had already been with over 50 men, i feel sick to think about it now. i am now 27 and i hate myself for what i did, i have a boyfriend and i feel terrible that i have thos dark past, which i would tell him or he wold freak out completely. I have flash backs of all the times, i had sex with men, i was basically a **** and i didnt know it. girls hated me, men laughed at me, sometimes they would pass me around their friends, WHY did i let it happen. Sometimes, it hurts so much to think about it, i want to kill myself. Can someone please help me work this out. I let men **** me in their cars, while their gfs where away, in the park, car parks. I think back, and i see me, so young and beautiful and i scream STOP! but its too late. i am scared for life.