Thirteen And Silent, Until Now

When i was 13, i had already a very developed body. Men near by where i live started longing for me and they would try to get my attention whenever they would see me. Eventually a really handsome guy chased me endlesly until i gave in,he was 23, i was 13... he started inviting me over to his and we would kiss, he asked me for sex and i was not ready. we liked each other, i thought he was my boyfriend, but deep down i knew he didnt treat me like s girlfriend, he never took me anywhere or did anything for me other than want to kiss me and touch me. Eventually I gave in and we had sex, it was horrible, he then called me to have sex with him whenever he wanted, i sound stupid but noone ever told me sex was supposed to be special. I then started having sex with loads of other guys, by the time I was 18 i had already been with over 50 men, i feel sick to think about it now. i am now 27 and i hate myself for what i did, i have a boyfriend and i feel terrible that i have thos dark past, which i would tell him or he wold freak out completely. I have flash backs of all the times, i had sex with men, i was basically a **** and i didnt know it. girls hated me, men laughed at me, sometimes they would pass me around their friends, WHY did i let it happen. Sometimes, it hurts so much to think about it, i want to kill myself. Can someone please help me work this out. I let men **** me in their cars, while their gfs where away, in the park, car parks. I think back, and i see me, so young and beautiful and i scream STOP! but its too late. i am scared for life.
An Ep User An EP User
16 Responses Jan 12, 2013

If a guy really cares all that won't matter just be honest

what has happened in the past cannot be changed, but what happens in your future, is up to you. emb race the fact that you are beautiful, and find good, where you can

just please please please try to accept the fact that you were taken advantage of and it is NOT YOUR FAULT. you deserve so much love and happiness. godamit im so angry for you. just knowing that this gives you so much pain and you don't know how to stop it. just please try to accept that you are not at fault here. you were nieve maybe you were young and unnaware. you might blame yourself but please forgive yourself even tho you did nothing wrong.

dont let that madhead bring you down you need to be happy and forgive yourself

Please first of all you did nothing wrong. You were taken advantage of at time in your life where you are thrust from girl to young lady, healthy 24yr olds do not seduce 13yr old girls weather or not your body was fully developed this man prayed on your youth. FORGIVE YOUR SELF FOR NOT TELLING A ADULT. then try this exercise I am the author of nothing I read it liked it and am passing it on. in a perfect world 1yr 2yr 5yr down the road what does your life look like who is in your life what is important to you what do you want? write it down post it on the mirror remember you cannot get what you do not know. list in that perfect world those core values you have been wishing you had. oh ya once you write down what it is you want do the mental pumping and think of 10 things you can do right now to help you achieve your goal, write those down as well. keep in mind the goal should be obtain able with and measureable along the way the brain hates unfinished business
I use this also;'' when I take my eyes of my goals all I see is obstacles'' also keep your goals close in negative people like to shoot holes in your goals you will gravitate more toward like mined people. I get what I think about most of the time. now back to the exercise if you need help deciding what you want . if in one hour you all of a sudden have a infinite amount of money what would you do different what would you do with that you find out you got 1 year to live now what would you do so really right it down then in the morning you look at your self say out load your beautiful I deserve to be happy and from this day forward you act as if you are that person you described in that perfect world BECAUSE YOU ARE, p.s good luck from a crusty old man

I'm here to talk anytime

I am a male an much older male. I recall riding a tricycle the world was puppies mom and dad. one day i was 9 when mom and dad divorced i was seduced to provide oral to 2 men one a cousin and his buddy. the world just turned to crap. i worried about my sexuality, and why did i let it happen. I have never really answered that question. It was when i stopped asking that i moved on. maybe i wanted or needed attention. Maybe all the drunken fighting between mom and dad before the divorce had something to do with it. Still don't know or any longer care. Don't let regrets or resentments to live rent free in your mind

Hi, You can overcome this. It's not difficult but you must commit. Set up a visit with a pastor, one you can trust. The Bible is clear - the life of a Christian is before her not behind her. You can be forgiven and restored to full righteousness (1John 1:9).

There is nothing for anyone else to forgive her for. She was used and abused... She needs to forgive herself for the way she feels about herself. The way is forward, yes I agree yet it is hard to go forward when your emotions and desires are not stable. BELIEVE me.

She doesn't need to commit to no damn religion or any slave moralist belief system.

Slave moralist belief system... hmm.. in what way is it slavery?

If your a christian you are a servant(slave) of the christain god, if your still don't under stand study some Nietzsche.

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Sweet child of the stars. There's never winter just warm breezes here. They wind always reminds you where to look and and guide you to the beyond. If u like colored dreams, silver spoons, and having a a song sung or a lullaby hummed im here. 4079671187

This is beautiful, thank you very much. I had to change my log in because i forgot all details. But i am the ownder of the story above.

Hi.... I know a man. He had sex with his son's girlfriend. He treated her the way he treated his wife when the two of them were young and dating. He spoiled her... and he honestly thought he was dating her. He had an affair, with her. She felt pressured into having sex with him. Because she felt that is why he was giving her gifts. She didn't want to have sex. She wasn't confident enough to say 'no' to him. She was raped. She didn't give consent. She was coerced into having sex with him. He didn't realize what he was doing how she truly felt. She was 17 at that time. Able to give consent. Yet she did not give consent. She didn't know how to say 'no.'

When you were 13... I know what happened. You were young, naive, and full of hormones. Your hormones said 'say yes' while you wanted to say 'no'.... *sigh* As others have mentioned you were under the age of consent. Thus it is rape. *sigh* I think you knew you were a ****.. yet you were disgusted with yourself... yet... that label.. '****'.... labels are dangerous... unfortunately it is easier to follow our label than to reject it. Especially if we believe our ourselves to be something. I call myself a I? My Former doctor said 'no'... Yet... I have problems with not believing myself to be one. I haven't molested or harmed a child... and I still believe I am worse than those who have more victims than they can count.. more victims than they can remember in their 30+ years of offending.

Get help. Tell your bf. Say 'no' to sex... from anyone... until you are comfortable being yourself. Until you love yourself. A therapist can help you with your emotions, and the trauma. Your bf can be there to support you. To show you that he doesn't need sex to love you. That you can say no to him whenever you want... if he's a great guy.. he'll not ask, yet wait for you to want it... for yourself. Not for anyone else. For you. To Respect yourself. To love yourself.

I'm not there... I am having difficulties.... maybe death is the answer.


take care


Be safe.

what a load of waffle. complete waffle, just like this story. this wasn't "RAPE" either.

What part of my comment is waffle?

What wasn't rape either...??? I believe you don't understand what 'consent' in a legal terms means....

Sorry, I had to change my ID name because i forgot my password and could not log back in. So here i am, i thought since i have caused such a stirr with my story that i should step up and say something.

Fisrt I want to say thank you to all the support that i have had from SOME people, and to the rest. I find it very sad that you should hold those insulting views, i though only children still called people that kind of names. Any how, there is a reason why there is a age of consent and that is children, like I was then are not mentally ready for all the psychological weight that sex carries with it. Men took advatage of my fragility and pressured me for sex, while i could have had said no, i had not the strengh neither the self belief to think i my life could be different. It is now that i have grown up, when in reflection of that time, i see that i deserved so much more. I see that children need to be further protected from sexual predators, like those that took advatage of me. If i could go back, i would send them all to jail for they were adults and they should have had the reason to let me be a child and respect me for it.

I know that in Canada there aren't any time limits where sexual assault is concerned. I have an uncle who is going to face those charges one day. All it takes is for a person to have the strength to ignore their hopelessness... the feeling that having people who harmed them charged is useless since it happened so long ago. I want to charge a woman, yet I have several problems for me. I was too young to even know her name. I was only 24 to 30 months old. Old enough to remember, and too young to know what the consequences for me were. Yet, it is right for them to be charged. Many sexual predators have more than one victim before they are arrested. It takes one courageous person to declare their actions for what they were. Others then step forward, or find a person to help them, so that the abuser can face reality and the chance to Understand what they did is wrong, why it was wrong, and to prevent them from having more victims in the future. Predators can change. They just need to see reality not their dream to desire to change.

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yeah, this isn't rape. you enjoyed it by what i gather. you chose to be with people, you liked those people you were with, there is a word for it, and that's a ****.

There's a word for people like you, and that's a douche.

am i wrong?
"People have a strong compulsion to repeat traumatic experiences, sometimes overtly but more frequently in a disguised, often highly symbolized, way. These reenactments which consist of the repeated establishment of the traumatic scenario that then gets relived over and over can come to dominate a person’s entire life and are comprised."
Question: How does taking a dump on this kid help her?
How does judging her help her to get over this?
...Or did you say what you said to make yourself feel better about you, by tearing someone down?

i simply called it how i see it. it's right there in the text, she knows she's been around, slept with 50 guys. now she's ashamed. it's her own fault isn't it.

A lot of it was still statutory rape.
Calling her nasty names does not help her, nor does it change the past.
...Does it make you happy to decide she's not worth caring about?

i never said that. and no, it's not rape. in colombia the age of consent is 12, 13 in japan, 12 in mexico, 12 in panama, i could go on. the point is she was biologically ready apparently, by her own admission. she chose to have a metric ton of sex with 50 different guys, why should she qualify for sympathy here? -she posted this stating that she was raped, when it was entirely consensual. completely misleading.

I wouldn't say entirely consensual...and the idea of a 12-year-old being mature enough to give sexual consent? No.
Why do people have to "qualify" to be cared about?
I see a suffering person, period, and I rather think she's suffered enough.
...One of the kindest people I ever met online was someone who was still a working prostitute. She'd had sex with thousands of men.
That doesn't render her suffering any less valid-in fact, as she co-operated with most of her own exploitation, she feels much worse.
....This girl was pressured into sex by an older man.
The result was she stopped caring about herself, so she let anyone use her.

i don't agree with you, but there really is no sense in discussing it further since we seem to have gone over everything already.


No a **** is a woman that loves to have sex, not get raped.

It's know that women who are sometimes raped to get hypersexually active.

In Yemen the age of consent is 15. The legal age to be married doesn't exist to the best of my knowledge. Would you call a 40-something man honourable if he has his 9-year-old wife sleeping with him? She's living with him. He is her husband It is his right to be with his wife, right?

Would you say 9-year-olds are too young? She's married... is it rape? Eeraz... be honest.

honorable? these are different mindsets, from different cultures. and no i wouldn't agree with that, just like i don't agree with mohammad, the prophet of islam marrying and having sex with aisha, his 7 year old wife.

here is a quote on a definition of rape: for the offence of rape to have been committed the defendant must have penetrated you without your consent, or continued to penetrate you after you withdrew your consent, and the defendant must not have reasonably believed that you were consenting.

this girl in this thread consented, and regretted it after the fact. this is simply not rape.

Different Cultures Different Mid Sets. In HER Culture Those under the age of consent, usually 16 or 17 year of age, are considered to be incapable of making informed sexual decisions. They are incapable largely due to their immaturity. They are not mentally or emotionally mature enough to make the choice of their own free will. They can be manipulated or pressured into having sex. Thus She was Raped. So... what is your 'Cultural' mindset Eeraz?

so, 16 is the age of consent in england, i was 17, my girlfriend was 14. pretty sure we both consented. i'm using that as an example to show you that the age of consent means nothing to the individual, when you are ready, you are ready. this girl was. she liked the guy she was with, she found him attractive. i don't know how many times i have to go over this. she consented, felt bad after, possibly even years after, after she had sex with 50 different guys. she loves sex, obviously.

It is so interesting that there is a theory around people who tend to repeat their tramatic stories. I think certanly that played a part in my life. Sometimes i actually did not want to have sex, but i felt that i had to it. that i had to enjoy it. in some twisted way, i took pleasure in my own abuse. That in itself i think it is now, one of the hardest things that i have had to come to terms with.

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Stop hating yourself, hon. A lot of survivors end up acting out sexually. You were too young to legally give consent for a lot of it.
You're still a good person.

It is so interesting that there is a theory around people who tend to repeat their tramatic stories. I think certanly that played a part in my life. Sometimes i actually did not want to have sex, but i felt that i had to it. that i had to enjoy it. in some twisted way, i took pleasure in my own abuse. That in itself i think it is now, one of the hardest things that i have had to come to terms with. Thank you for your support. I had never told anyone this. But being here has made me feel human again.

Even if children consent to sex, it's rape because children are too young to give informed consent. You had no way to know what you were getting into. None of this is your fault. I agree you should -- easier said than done -- forgive yourself.

It isn't your fault. You need to forgive yourself.

thank you.

I know how it feels, I was raped by a 50 year old man last year when I was 14. I'm now 15 and have been with over 30 guys from ages 18-30

Please get help. For yourself. For your future. Have them ALL charged.

The reason he(23yr old) did not bring you out anywhere is because that would have gotten him trouble with law(underage sex/statutory rape), you probably let it happen because you may have not been able to stand-up for yourself in those situations, and others saw that and took advantage of it.

in a nutshell! yes.

thats not rape just underage sex

at 15 i would not expect you to understand. we can talk again in another 15 years. All the best.