I Cant Stop Thinking About My Rape
My dreadful story began in 2010 I was eleven years old at the time. I went out to the field in the back of our backyard to take my dog out. I sat down by the bushes where my dog was sniffing and then a guy came by, first I though he was just resting from his walk but I was wrong. He stayed there for a while looking around and at the ground so I went to go look for my dog so we could go. But he grabbed me covered my mouth held me down and raped me. We heard a dirt bike coming our way and I guess he panicked and he got off grabbed my face and said to never tell anyone or else he will find me, then he ran off. I don't know why I believed his threat but I was scared and so I never told anyone about it till now, but still my parents don't know I'm afraid they wont believe me or they might think its my fault.
Ever since then I could never trust anyone or myself and I self harm because I don't know what to do and I couldn't handle it. I have nightmares and flashbacks I push aside all my feelings and memories and try to block everything out. Every time someone touches me and I didn't see them coming I get freaked out and It comes back to me in flashbacks. I never went back to that field again only two times since then actually. A lot of things trigger my feeling and thoughts about that and I become very cautious on everything, most of the time I try to push it away and sort of control myself. It feels good to let this out even though its not a real person I'm talking to but it helps a little. How do i deal with this its been my worst nightmare since then.
Ever since then I could never trust anyone or myself and I self harm because I don't know what to do and I couldn't handle it. I have nightmares and flashbacks I push aside all my feelings and memories and try to block everything out. Every time someone touches me and I didn't see them coming I get freaked out and It comes back to me in flashbacks. I never went back to that field again only two times since then actually. A lot of things trigger my feeling and thoughts about that and I become very cautious on everything, most of the time I try to push it away and sort of control myself. It feels good to let this out even though its not a real person I'm talking to but it helps a little. How do i deal with this its been my worst nightmare since then.
By:
deleted
Age:
26-30
