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Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...

People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on.

Let me tell you a little something about that..

When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul
I wasn't beaten or anything the times I was raped, but I would rather be beaten to the point where I end up in a hospital, than be raped again. Bruises heal, but the pain of knowing that that one person took total control over your body, that that person did things with you, and that you couldn't stop it, THAT'S what's killing me. Of course I have my days when I put on a smile, I laugh, hang out with friends, do stuff that 'normal' youngsters do. But then without any signs, they pop up in my head, like a ******* virus that I can't delete, because I don't have the antivirus program installed in my brain. So then I suddenly start thinking about him/they, I can see the flashbacks, I feel the nausea coming back, the smell, the feeling of being used as worthless piece of ****, the feeling that your not even worthy enough to make your own decission about YOUR OWN BODY.

You can't tell me to "get over it", because you're not in my shoes, even though I write about my life here, I only write about 1 part of my life. And even though you read it, you can't FEEL it. You can't put yourself in my situation, you can't feel what I felt when it happened, or think what I thought while he raped me.

My entire life I was told to never let my guard down, never let people see that they hurt me, never cry, never talk about the negative things in my life, and to always be strong. So do you HONESTLY think that it's easy, after all this years, to just go to a completely stranger, at a police station, where EVERYONE that's there know that something must have happened to you, and tell that stranger that some guy just broke my strength down, and raped me?

I could give you the answer to that, but I think you all got my point pretty clear.
NotAllScarsCanBeSeen NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 21 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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I totally agree with you! I was only raped once but it was horrible. I can't get it out of my head. I can't tell my parents. I am mad at myself because I get the feeling that I should be over it (it's been 4 months) but I find it is starting to change me. When one of my teachers found out, she wanted me to go to the police but I don't have anything. I don't even think the guy who raped me knows he is a rapist now. I know that most rapes go unreported but please don't pressure me! If I go to the police then it's official and I am ruined. If I was beaten, I would be scared but as the bruises healed, I would heal. And I wouldn't feel like such an idiot because if was my fault I was raped. I went to this guy's house when I didn't know him.
I'm just angry and frustrated and your post really resonated so thank you.

There's one thing i'm going to tell you mwdot. It wasn't your fault that you got raped, going to his house in the first place maybe... Indeed you can beat your self up emotionally about it. But in the end it wasn't your fault. Even though you will feel like it is.

I had an alcohol addiction so my ex would rape me when i was in a drunken state. The last time it happened i was shouting and swearing....he had the nerve to ask me if i would go to a shrink with him so he could talk about what makes him act like such a monster. He was my kids step dad for 7 years the best dad they had. My boys are grown one 19 0ne 23 and they still call him dad accept money at xmas. Now my son is ready to face what he heard his dad admit...he sees a councillor for help.....so far my rape has about Kevin needing help my son needing support and all the time i just want to scream" why the **** are you making this all about you?" it wasn't you who was raped!!!!
I put of taking it to court for 3 years to protect my son but now he is ready to face it, everyone expects me to be too and in not.

It is the hardest thing in this world to do to say what happened and the system will make you feel like you are the one to blame.

its very difficult as you are saying . It does happen to many people and they all reacted differently. The only reasonable explanation I heard which helped some victims was to view all experiences good and bad as a part of ones I , ones ego. Kind of a process to distance oneself from working of I for a while. I don't know if this is helpful to you what I'm writing here, but we all most of our life view all what happens to us with this I. Anyway it was what I heard it was somehow working.

im sorry that it happend to you but honestly i have heard worse a girl about the same age as you got brutally beaten and got death threats from them but she still had the courage to tell her family snd phone the police, and yeah its really hard to froget about it cuz its gonna live in your memory for the rest of your life. ( nothating)

If I had been brutally beaten I would've told the police too, then I would have proofe, but I didn't have that, so the police wouldn't had anything to go on. And worse? how do you know that it's worse if you are beaten? I got death threats to, for a loooong time, and other threats. I would rather be beaten to the point where I ended up in a hospital rather than being raped again.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know exactly that feeling and how it feels around others. I am going through the same thing and it is hard to deal with it and to move past others when they assume it is easy to deal with and say that it isn't as difficult... Truth is, they do not know, only victims do. I will pray for you and that you will receive comfort and healing and grow from this because you survived and will overcome. It will not be forgotten, but with prayer, love, and support, you will get better! :)

It is never easy but you can get through it.

You can't forget things like that , the only things is to find the best way to deal with it .
Its very challenging and I hope you find your way to heal.

You are right. It is not easy to put in your shoes and know the pain and suffer you have gone through. But at the least i feel for you badly. Your story was sad and moving. Should not happen again to you or any girl again.

Thank you

Not everything is cut and dry!!! You have to deal with your feeling and scars at your own speed. I didnt even read your story due to the pain i know it caused you and i dont want to relive that pain. By remarking on it. Take your time and dont let anyone destroy your gaurd befire your ready

Thank you

I have shown this to another person I call a friend that I adore, as she's brave.

NotAllScarsCanBeSeen I'm sure it was difficult to fully explain how you must feel. Thank you for being brave for the other victims and explaining how you truly feel.

This story should be everywhere.

Thank you, happy to help! :)

Thank you! I feel the exact same way. You basically just wrote my exact emotions.

Happy to help! :)

sad story :-(

You have every right to feel upset, angry, violated. Pay no attention to people who comment who haven't been raped or walked a day in your shoes. They don't understand and will NEVER understand until it happens to them. I completely agree with you, I would rather be beaten to death than to ever be raped again. Being raped is one of the WORST things that could EVER happen to a person.

Thank you! If you wanna talk about it, you can send me a message.

anyone who tells you it's easy is retarded. you sound incredible and you username is the story of my life. although I haven't been raped and can't truly feel it as you said, I understand certain frustrations you have with people because I deal with them too. chat me if you ever want to talk

Thank you, and the same goes for you!

thanks :)

Wow. I am so sorry that you have to deal with those kinds of feelings day in and day out. I've never had something like that happen to me or anyone close to me so I don't have any idea what you are going through. No one should ever have to feel like that.

I never reported my rape because, I was afraid no one would believe me. I didn't even believe it had happened for a long time from flat out denial, but it did. Let yourself cry, crying is a way for your body to let the pain out, it's okay to cry. Just have plenty of tissue handy.

I know what you mean, Im totally messed up. Emotional scars are harder than physical

It is, and I'm sorry for you

i cant relate, but your story really gets to me.. so if it means anything feel free to message me and i would beable to talk anytime.. even to listen.. im sorry this happened to you

Thank you, that means alot. I can't see your profile thoug?

those scars are the worst to heal you need to find a person you can talk with

and you need to figure out the triggers that cause the flash backs

i have been there and i had other that loved me and supported me as we worled thought many thngs one think that madeit hard for us as the girl i loved was also raped at 11 years old and beat
but we had each other and we moved slow and just let what ever happened happen we never pushed any thing as we learend about each other

for me the worst trigger is peanut butter the smell