Stop Telling Me How Easy It Is...People think that it is so easy to just report a rape, to tell your family or other people, and last but not least, to just forget and move on.
Let me tell you a little something about that..
When a person rapes you, they slowly kill your soul
I wasn't beaten or anything the times I was raped, but I would rather be beaten to the point where I end up in a hospital, than be raped again. Bruises heal, but the pain of knowing that that one person took total control over your body, that that person did things with you, and that you couldn't stop it, THAT'S what's killing me. Of course I have my days when I put on a smile, I laugh, hang out with friends, do stuff that 'normal' youngsters do. But then without any signs, they pop up in my head, like a ******* virus that I can't delete, because I don't have the antivirus program installed in my brain. So then I suddenly start thinking about him/they, I can see the flashbacks, I feel the nausea coming back, the smell, the feeling of being used as worthless piece of ****, the feeling that your not even worthy enough to make your own decission about YOUR OWN BODY.
You can't tell me to "get over it", because you're not in my shoes, even though I write about my life here, I only write about 1 part of my life. And even though you read it, you can't FEEL it. You can't put yourself in my situation, you can't feel what I felt when it happened, or think what I thought while he raped me.
My entire life I was told to never let my guard down, never let people see that they hurt me, never cry, never talk about the negative things in my life, and to always be strong. So do you HONESTLY think that it's easy, after all this years, to just go to a completely stranger, at a police station, where EVERYONE that's there know that something must have happened to you, and tell that stranger that some guy just broke my strength down, and raped me?
I could give you the answer to that, but I think you all got my point pretty clear.
NotAllScarsCanBeSeen 18-21, F 20 Responses 11 Jan 25, 2013