I Was Silent, Until Now, Just Because You Can'T Make It All By Your Self

I thought it's time to tell someone, what goes in my heart, may be I can't people around me but sometimes, human, I mean us, needs to share a story. No matter how sad it is, but it helps to share. Right now I'm 14. You say, what could she say so ''important''. So here I go and tell you what was happening, may be will happen again, neither I try not to think so negative about this. I was sexually abused since I was little girl. I think it was 2004 winter, I was no older then 4 then my male cousin used me for his sexual needs, pervert.. but what could I do ... I was just all childish girl... He told he will kill me if I tell anyone, so I kept silence. It happened over and over again. Mostly at day time, it lasted as long as I said no, it happen then I was 11 and put a knife near his throat and told get lost, my self mental state was harmed, and may be still is. But that wasn't just one person, There was his twin sister and either my uncle, and it was barely my 14th birthday then I managed to make it all stop. Still without saying anyone about this...
I always were a dreamer, may be it's only one thing helped me stay alive. Alive, just because it was not only damaging my body, but either my mental state, I had over problems in my life, I don't really find need to mention in this article, shortly, I newer talked until I was asked something, had abusing and fun object at school, beated and shouted by mother, father was alcoholic, had no friends because I was too seriously fat (which wasn't true). And may be it all got in one big crap, that was pushing me to suicide, I mean hello, what kind of life I have?
I'll say I was just lucky each time I tried, had a good guardian angel by my side. But right now, I just ask my self, what should I do next, lost it all, barely had childhood. I need help, and right now ask for it, ask just a simple question : what should I do?