True Love Of My Life...

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess maybe to see if someone out there has been through the same thing as me.
I used to work at a large retail store. For many years I did training for new hires. One day in 2009 I had to train a new girl. It was her first real job, the manager was doing a favor because her father was there all the time. Anyways, I trained her. There were times I was annoyed because she didn't seem like she gave a **** or was even paying attention. Her and I worked in the same department, a group of us that were like a clique. We all joked around, enjoyed each others company and made a great team. It also made for a great work environment. I used to always joke around with C (we'll call her that) saying things like "we should just mmess around as friends" or "when are you going to let me take you out?". It was always just kidding around having fun.
Fast forward to almost a year later. She said she broke up with her boyfriend and wanted to see me outside of work. So we met one night. It was that anxious, excited, nervous feeling...we both had it. I finally kissed her and I can't tell you the feeling that came over me. We met often and agreed to "just be friends" with benefits. The more we saw each other, the stronger our feelings got for one another.
My God, did we have fun together. We clicked. We loved each others company. We joked around. We could just sit together not saying anything and just fee good inside. If you've ever loved someone so much that just the feeling of their hand in yours gave you butterflies. I thought about her non-stop, as did she. I wanted to spend every waking moment with her. She even went as far as to chage her plans for college and switched to a local university so we could see each other.
Our time together was amazing. Of course, the situation was hard for people to handle. She was 18 and I was 30. I married a woman right before she was hired because (my wife, girlfriend at the time) was pregnant and didn't have insurance, so we married so she could have healthcare during her pregnancy. Only a few people knew about C and I. But of course, the more we saw each other, the more people knew something was going on.
I was in a very tough situation. I was completely in love with someone yet, married to someone that I had feelings for, but not nearly as strong as what I felt for C. My wife eventually figured something was going on. She chose not to truely believe it and wanted to stay with me. Meanwhile, C and I still saw each other all the time. She started to pressure me into getting a divorce because she didn't ant to be "the other woman" or just a girl on the side.
I was torn because I was so afraid if I divorced, I would never see my son. **** my life. That's all I could say to myself. I couldn't make a decision on what to do because I would be losing things either way. Stay married, be able to see my son but be unhappy with the woman I was married to. Get a divorce and be truely happy with someone, but risk losing any custody I might have with my son.
C eventually decided to change schools. She decided in the fall she would be transferring to a school in another city. This was somthing she asked me about and I always told her not to let me get in the way of what is going to be her future. I told her I would hate it, but if it was better for her, better for her future than she has to go.
Her and I spent the summer together ( we had been seeing eah other for a year and a half at that point). We did all the little things just to be in the company of one another...mini golf, getting ice cream, going to the movies or even just sit with each other just to be xlose. C told me one day how she loves me more than anything. How she thought about marrying me and having a life with.me. I had the same feelings. But, she also said how important her family is to her and how hard it was for them to accept her and I together. That was the point that I knew we were going to grow apart.
The last nite we were together, when she was ready to leave, we stood and held each other. Feeling her hands on the back of myneck and how she would run her fingers through the hair on the back of my head . The smell of her perfume and how her body felt when it was close to mine. I put my head down and lightly kissed her neck. I wispered in her ear how much I loved her and no matter what, a huge part of my heart will always belong to her. She cried as I spoke to her and I could feel her embrace get tighter. I put my hands on her face and kissed her. We looked in each others eyes, and the tears seemed to make her beautiful brown eyes shine in the night. She told me how she felt that people could have someone that was a soumate to them no matter where their lives took them.
She left. That night was the last time I saw her, that night in August. I hate to say it, but I cried for a long time whenshe left. I'm even getting a little choked up writing this. We would text each other all the time. We talked on the phone. The longer she was in Pittsburgh, the less we communicated. She would come home to visit, but always had family obligations so I never had opportunity to see her. It reached a point where she had so much going on with school, she was always occupied. I went back to school myself and became extremely occupied myself.
Eventually, we didn't hear from one another. I think about C all the time. I have a 30 minute drive to school and she is in my head every day. There are songs that I hear that make me think of her. And there are places that remind me of her also. My heart flutters sometimes when a thought of her and I pops in my head.
I think about her so much I just wanted to share my story. If anybody believes that you can be so deeply in love with someone more than anything, but cannot be with them...This is a true testament to that.
bangkaboom bangkaboom
31-35, M
1 Response May 13, 2012

Thats sad! Id like to contact u but yur settings wont let me

i changed them for you.